Cardiff Blues 14 Toulon 22

Andy Hazell, the Gloucester flanker sent off for throwing a volley of punches at the Mont-de-Marsan prop Sébastien Ormaechea during a roughhouse Amlin Challenge Cup match in France five days ago, may be planning to make severe provocation the basis of his mitigation, but he will not be helped by the tournament's disciplinary machinery. Despite the Gloucester's allegations of dirty deeds by Mont-de-Marsan, no member of the home team will face a charge arising from the game.

Steffon Armitage insists he has done nothing wrong despite the "stress" of his "abnormal" doping test result. The Toulon flanker was informed yesterday that he tested positive for the prohibited substance morphine after the Top 14 final defeat by Toulouse on 9 June.

Under £200... Forgotten about Father's Day? The Melogy salon at the St Pancras Renaissance Hotel in London has a "Dad and Lad" package. It includes a wet shave, hair cut and gift for dad and son for £195. Redeem it anytime before 17 Dec; book by Sunday. melogy.com

Michael Haneke today won the Cannes Film Festival's top prize for a second time with his film about love and death, “Amour.”

I didn't watch The Eurovision Song Contest. Actually, I'm not sure I've ever seen it, but I'm certain that it's not for me. For once, I agree with the government of Iran when it berated its little neighbour, Azerbaijan, for hosting this most peculiar of musical institutions. I did catch an airing of the Engelbert Humperdinck video, and that was enough to put me right off my breakfast. If the Iranians hear it, then I'm pretty sure they will invade immediately. In the subsequent interview, The Hump was being harassed by the loathsome Jedward, but he put up with them in a remarkably patient manner. As if the lobotomy twins weren't enough, The Hump was then asked to comment on the human rights situation in Azerbaijan. He played the "I'm only a lowly singer" card: he had been asked to come and sing a song and that's what he was going to do. The interviewer didn't even bother to question Jedward on their political views. As terrible as the regime's behaviour might be, I for one would turn a blind eye if Jedward were to be detained without trial for a prolonged period of time after their performance was over.

Calling the all-powerful film mogul Harvey Weinstein a “douchbag” at a party packed with his movie peers is not a recommended formula for anyone wishing to thrive in Hollywood.

I fear that someone has been having our Gallic friends across la Manche on. Somehow, they've come to believe that the pasty-faced, soap-dodging would-be troubadour that is Pete Doherty is not only cool, but that he is a sensible choice for the romantic lead in a period film.

Toulon 18 Biarritz 21

A glittering cast has been assembled for Cannes, take 65 – no wonder the world's most prestigious film festival is feeling bullish

Now... Next Wednesday, depart for a week at the Sheraton Delfina Santa Monica Hotel for £778pp, just a few blocks from the beach. The deal with Hayes & Jarvis includes Delta flights from Heathrow via Minneapolis and room-only board. Hayesandjarvis.co.uk

Mahamadou Diarra has said that he is excited by Fulham's ambition and is looking forward to proving his worth in west London. The 30-year-old former Real Madrid midfielder joined the club earlier this week on a deal until the end of the season, with an option of extending by a year.

Harry Redknapp turned his fire on the now-defunct tabloid the News of the World yesterday when he said in court that he was justified in lying to one of the newspaper's reporters in order to prevent publication of a potentially damaging story.

The Imperial Leather soap owner PZ Cussons has ramped up the expansion of its beauty division by splashing out £25.5m on the Australian-owned Fudge Hair Care brand.