Arts and Entertainment Face values: Paul from Channel 4’s ‘My Tattoo Addiction’

Roll up, roll up! See the tattooed man with no job and £71 a week to support his whole family

William Donaldson's Week: Lost adjectives are no joke

JUSTIN JUDD, who is hard at work producing a situation comedy for Joan Collins, is being sued by Common and Ball - and not before time, if you ask me. More about that in due course, however.

Political apathy is fine with me

JOHN CAREY in the London Evening Standard said something I have longed to say but never dared - that 'politics don't matter'. He wrote: 'Politicians and the media have a vested interest in inflating the importance of politics. The curious thing is that this political obsession seems to have grown in proportion as the real importance of domestic politics has shrunk.' If I or any woman had written those words, we would have been dismissed as 'typically female' but now the issue has been raised in chapspeak we are allowed to take it seriously.

Do you feel Absolutely Fabulous?: BARBARA KEALY, Joan Collins look-alike

A LOT of women of Joan Collins's age are very catty about her. They feel inadequate because they can't look like her. They say she piles on make-up, but I say: 'If you piled on make-up you wouldn't look like her.' You do need something to build on.

Do you feel Absolutely Fabulous?: CLAIRE RAYNER, agony aunt

I'M ALL in favour of the glorification of older women. I never lie about my age because it's such an anti-women thing to do; I'm thrilled to bits to be 62. But I bitterly resent the icon of the expensively facelifted, sprayed and polyurethaned woman.

Do you feel Absolutely Fabulous?: JILL TWEEDIE, writer

IT'S the job of those women who are paraded in front of us as perfect specimens to look like that. It's probably 50 per cent of what they do - in Joan Collins's case, 90 per cent. It's like telling us we should all play the piano as well as Mozart. The idea that you too could look like that if you only got up off your fat bum is a big con. Which is not to say that a lot of women aren't looking better for a lot longer. But to look like one of those 'role models' demands a lot of money. And any woman who's got another way of spending her life won't do it.

I have Joan Collins and you give me peanuts?: He says she's 'an icon, bigger than Madonna'. She says he's 'an enormous genius'. David Nicholson watches Steven Berkoff and Joan Collins get carried away on the set of Decadence

'IF THIS was a battle, they would be decimated at the beginning . . .' Steven Berkoff has snatched a few minutes between scenes on the Luxembourg studio set where he is filming his stage play Decadence. The military metaphors come thick and fast as he describes his crew.

CLASSICAL MUSIC / Please, Mr Alden, just listen to the score

I'VE yet to find a secondhand bookshop without a copy of the Musical Companion of 1934 - it must have had a massive print- run - and the section on opera is a telling record of its time. Handel is dispatched in half a sentence: '. . . there has been a great revival of Handel's operas in Germany,' writes Edward Dent, 'although their vogue is now already over, and they have been returned once more to our category of museum pieces.'

TELEVISION BRIEFING / Bargain buy-ins and cheap cake

Actors in Zimbabwe's most popular home-grown drama wear their own clothes and appear for nothing, out of a sense of duty. Not things you could imagine Joan Collins doing. The first part of CHANNELS OF RESISTANCE (10.55pm C4), a series on world television, examines the extent to which schedules everywhere are dominated by the USA. 'Distress Signals', John Walker's globetrotting documentary, cuts between the filming of Know Your Roots in a village outside Harare, and glitzy schmoozing at the international television sales festival, MIP TV, in Cannes. Here an American executive, sitting by a still from The Equalizer, rejects charges of cultural imperialism: 'If the broadcasting of Kojak is going to be seen as a major threat to your culture, then possibly you have a problem with your own culture.' The Zimbabwean Broadcasting Corporation cannot afford more than one hour of domestic drama a month; its director orders the head of drama to buy cheap cake for a party scene she is filming. ZBC officials trawl MIP TV for bargain-basement buy-ins from Russia, Brazil and Eygpt to supplement Dallas. Sue Ellen looks more blurry than usual on a crackly screen in a bus in rural Zimbabwe.

The Independent/Scholastic Story of the Year: I discovered a Brave New World of books: Steven Berkoff talks to Jenny Gilbert about his childhood reading.

THE FIRST book that fascinated me beyond all belief was Conan Doyle's The Hound of the Baskervilles. I wolfed it down in great huge gulps. It was read every Friday afternoon at school by Miss Parry, and we used to sit there, rapt, eyes wide open, mouths wide open. We didn't move. Later, when my mother started taking me to the local library, I sat down and read it myself.

Mitchelson guilty

The divorce lawyer Marvin Mitchelson, who represented such celebrities as Joan Collins, Sonny Bono and Bianca Jagger and made 'palimony' a household word, was sentenced on Monday to 30 months in prison for tax evasion, Reuter reports from Los Angeles. Mitchelson, a flamboyant 64-year-old attorney, was also ordered to pay dollars 2.1m ( pounds 1.4m) in restitution, the amount he was found, during a federal trial in February, to have concealed on his tax returns from 1983 to 1986. He blamed the problems on his accountant.

Obituary: Delia De Leon

Delia De Leon, actress and spiritual seeker, born Colon Panama 10 February 1901, died Kew Surrey 21 January 1993.

Fashion: Creedless, classless, ageless - and cheap: Reworked in baby pink or stretched to the limits of the imagination, good old durable denim looks certain to become the designer fabric of the year. Roger Tredre reports

Denim comes of age this season. British designers are breathing new life into a classic fabric, expanding the boundaries of the possible in the best traditions of British fashion design.

Revealing the lost kingdom of apartheid: A non-country, rife with poverty and despair, is hosting this year's Miss World extravaganza, writes John Carlin from Sun City

THIS YEAR'S Miss World contest is being held tonight in a city that is not a city, in a country that does not exist. The venue is the Superbowl amphitheatre at Sun City, a casino resort carved out of the bush, a glittering shrine to Mammon set in a sea of dusty desolation 100 miles north-east of Johannesburg.

TELEVISION / Bring back the little mop

FLANKED by a couple of Treasury minders, the Chancellor of the Exchequer went on Westminster Live (BBC2) and pleaded not guilty to indecently exposing his country to unemployment. Even as he spoke 30,000 miners' jobs went down the chute and the new chat show Good Morning . . . with Anne and Nick (BBC1) was cut off for not paying its phone bill.

TELEVISION / More of the same

'IF in doubt, copy' is the new maxim at the BBC. ITV beating you hands down? Easy, just up the ratings by confusing the viewer into thinking they are actually watching the other side. Every aspect of Good Morning with Anne and Nick (BBC 1), the 'new look to weekdays on BBC 1', was familiar: there was the pretty boy doctor to give medical advice, the endless cups of tea, the constant run-downs of what was coming up; even the sofas looked as though Anne Diamond and Nick Owen had brought them with them from TV-am. In tone, approach and direction this was indistinguishable from ITV's This Morning with Richard and Judy.
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Day In a Page

Burgundy, the River Rhone & Provence – MS Swiss Corona - seven nights from £999pp
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The phoney war is over

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Gangnam smile: why the Chinese are flocking to South Korea to buy a new face

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Salomé's feminine wiles have inspired writers, painters and musicians for 2,000 years. Now audiences can meet the Biblical femme fatale in two new stage and screen projects
From Bram Stoker to Stanley Kubrick, the British Library's latest exhibition celebrates all things Gothic

British Library celebrates all things Gothic

Forthcoming exhibition Terror and Wonder: The Gothic Imagination will be the UK's largest ever celebration of Gothic literature
The Hard Rock Café's owners are embroiled in a bitter legal dispute - but is the restaurant chain worth fighting for?

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Roy Hodgson's hands tied by exploding top flight

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Di Maria and Ronaldo: A tale of two Manchester United No 7s

They both inherited the iconic shirt at Old Trafford, but the £59.7m new boy is joining a club in a very different state
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Robert Fisk: No victory for Israel despite weeks of devastation

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Unlikely friends: Mary Beard and the troll who called her a ‘filthy old slut’

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America’s new apartheid

Prosperous white districts are choosing to break away from black cities and go it alone