Arts and Entertainment Face values: Paul from Channel 4’s ‘My Tattoo Addiction’

Roll up, roll up! See the tattooed man with no job and £71 a week to support his whole family

Diary: Damsel in distress? Here's Lembit

What with being the first contestant to be voted out of the Big Brother house, not to mention facing ongoing calls to be burned at the stake by the Daily Mail, it's proved a fraught few days for Speaker's wife Sally Bercow. So, amid these troubled times, what could be more welcome than the sight of her very own knight in shining armour triumphantly emerging over the horizon with the express intention of putting Sally's numerous enemies to the sword? "Pray, who could this valiant warrior be?" I hear you ask. "Why, I think it's our favourite Estonian and glamour model-botherer Lembit 'Lancelot' Opik!" Oh! comes the admittedly deflated reply. Still, it's a bank holiday and Hugh Grant didn't have the decency to return my (numerous) calls. "There's a difference between having depth and being a celebrity," declares Lembit, himself a reality television reject of note. "Sally has something to say. I supported her decision to go on the programme. My advice to Sally would now be to pursue any libel actions." Her weary other Senor Bercow would be wise to keep the impressionable Sally away from this man's mysterious charms.

British actresses sexy? They're just too inhibited, says film producer

British starlets such as Keira Knightley and Emma Watson have risen to the high ranks of Hollywood thanks in part to their beauty, but a leading producer has claimed that when it comes to sex actresses from this side of the Channel are too inhibited compared with the French. Producers sought a smouldering actress to play Dominic Cooper's love interest in The Devil's Double, the recently released film about Saddam Hussein's savage son, Uday.

Dallas: The oil barons are back

Dallas was bold and brash, the ultimate Eighties soap. But will anyone tune in to the 21st century remake? By Sarah Hughes

The good, the bad and the wildly bitchy

Awash with champagne and catfights, Dynasty, the ultimate 1980s soap, is set to become a film

Look behind the clichés: all-star panto is raking in the millions

Pantomime has evolved, with big stars, big budgets and big profits

Pantoland's streets are paved with gold

When times are hard, we're more determined than ever to have a laugh. Kate Youde on the (highly profitable) reinvention of panto.

Into Eternity (NC)

Try getting your head around this. The Onkalo facility on the west coast of Finland has been designed to keep safe spent nuclear fuel – for the next 100,000 years.

Simon MacCorkindale: British actor who played Greg Reardon in the US soap opera 'Falcon Crest' and Dr Harry Harper in 'Casualty'

Playing Simon Doyle in the 1978 film version of Agatha Christie's Death On The Nile opened the door for Simon MacCorkindale to join a spate of British actors who found fame on American television in the early 1980s.

New exhibition reveals the comings and goings of the world's favourite celebrities at Heathrow

The exhibition at Terminal 5 is based on the remarkable career of the airport's resident photographer Dennis Stone.

What women want: A unique approach to women's fashion

Whether they're inspired by skyscrapers, schoolgirls or Joan Collins, London Fashion Week's female designers have a unique approach to women's wardrobes. Harriet Walker finds out why

Ready to Wear: Valentino is the undisputed master of the grand gesture

Nobody would ever accuse the great Roman couturier, Valentino Garavani, of understatement. Instead he is the undisputed master of the grand gesture. As The Last Emperor, a film about his life and work, opens, he announces: "I love a beautiful lady. I love a beautiful dog. I love a beautiful piece of furniture. I love beauty. It's not my fault." Don't you just know how he feels.

Matthew Norman: The Adam and Alastair show

Media Diary

Armando Iannucci: The result perfectly expresses contempt, confusion and sheer bloody-mindedness

All the key players aimed at and shot each other, just like at the end of Reservoir Dogs
Career Services

Day In a Page

Burgundy, the River Rhone & Provence – MS Swiss Corona - seven nights from £999pp
Lake Maggiore, Orta and the Matterhorn – seven nights from £899pp
Sicily – seven nights from £939pp
Pompeii, Capri and the Bay of Naples - seven nights from £799pp
Istanbul Ephesus & Troy – six nights from £859pp
Mary Rose – two nights from £319pp
Kate Bush, Hammersmith Apollo music review: A preamble, then a coup de théâtre - and suddenly the long wait felt worth it

Kate Bush shows a voice untroubled by time

A preamble, then a coup de théâtre - and suddenly the long wait felt worth it
Robot sheepdog technology could be used to save people from burning buildings

The science of herding is cracked

Mathematical model would allow robots to be programmed to control crowds and save people from burning buildings
Tyrant: Is the world ready for a Middle Eastern 'Dallas'?

This tyrant doesn’t rule

It’s billed as a Middle Eastern ‘Dallas’, so why does Fox’s new drama have a white British star?
Rachael Lander interview: From strung out to playing strings

From strung out to playing strings

Award-winning cellist Rachael Lander’s career was almost destroyed by the alcohol she drank to fight stage fright. Now she’s playing with Elbow and Ellie Goulding
The science of saturated fat: A big fat surprise about nutrition?

A big fat surprise about nutrition?

The science linking saturated fats to heart disease and other health issues has never been sound. Nina Teicholz looks at how governments started advising incorrectly on diets
Emmys 2014 review: Can they genuinely compete with the Oscars

Can they genuinely compete with the Oscars?

The recent Emmy Awards are certainly glamorous, but they can't beat their movie cousins
On the road to nowhere: A Routemaster trip to remember

On the road to nowhere

A Routemaster trip to remember
Hotel India: Mumbai's Taj Mahal Palace leaves its darker days behind

Hotel India

Mumbai's Taj Mahal Palace leaves its darker days behind
10 best pencil cases

Back to school: 10 best pencil cases

Whether it’s their first day at school, uni or a new project, treat the student in your life to some smart stationery
Arsenal vs Besiktas Champions League qualifier: Gunners know battle with Turks is a season-defining fixture

Arsenal know battle with Besiktas is a season-defining fixture

Arsene Wenger admits his below-strength side will have to improve on last week’s show to pass tough test
Pete Jenson: Athletic Bilbao’s locals-only transfer policy shows success does not need to be bought

Pete Jenson: A Different League

Athletic Bilbao’s locals-only transfer policy shows success does not need to be bought
This guitar riff has been voted greatest of all time

The Greatest Guitar Riff of all time

Whole Lotta Votes from Radio 2 listeners
Britain’s superstar ballerina

Britain’s superstar ballerina

Alicia Markova danced... every night of the week and twice on Saturdays
Berlin's Furrie invasion

Berlin's Furrie invasion

2000 fans attended Eurofeurence
‘It was a tidal wave of terror’

‘It was a tidal wave of terror’

Driven to the edge by postpartum psychosis