Arts and Entertainment Face values: Paul from Channel 4’s ‘My Tattoo Addiction’

Roll up, roll up! See the tattooed man with no job and £71 a week to support his whole family

Diary: Damsel in distress? Here's Lembit

What with being the first contestant to be voted out of the Big Brother house, not to mention facing ongoing calls to be burned at the stake by the Daily Mail, it's proved a fraught few days for Speaker's wife Sally Bercow. So, amid these troubled times, what could be more welcome than the sight of her very own knight in shining armour triumphantly emerging over the horizon with the express intention of putting Sally's numerous enemies to the sword? "Pray, who could this valiant warrior be?" I hear you ask. "Why, I think it's our favourite Estonian and glamour model-botherer Lembit 'Lancelot' Opik!" Oh! comes the admittedly deflated reply. Still, it's a bank holiday and Hugh Grant didn't have the decency to return my (numerous) calls. "There's a difference between having depth and being a celebrity," declares Lembit, himself a reality television reject of note. "Sally has something to say. I supported her decision to go on the programme. My advice to Sally would now be to pursue any libel actions." Her weary other Senor Bercow would be wise to keep the impressionable Sally away from this man's mysterious charms.

British actresses sexy? They're just too inhibited, says film producer

British starlets such as Keira Knightley and Emma Watson have risen to the high ranks of Hollywood thanks in part to their beauty, but a leading producer has claimed that when it comes to sex actresses from this side of the Channel are too inhibited compared with the French. Producers sought a smouldering actress to play Dominic Cooper's love interest in The Devil's Double, the recently released film about Saddam Hussein's savage son, Uday.

Dallas: The oil barons are back

Dallas was bold and brash, the ultimate Eighties soap. But will anyone tune in to the 21st century remake? By Sarah Hughes

The good, the bad and the wildly bitchy

Awash with champagne and catfights, Dynasty, the ultimate 1980s soap, is set to become a film

Look behind the clichés: all-star panto is raking in the millions

Pantomime has evolved, with big stars, big budgets and big profits

Pantoland's streets are paved with gold

When times are hard, we're more determined than ever to have a laugh. Kate Youde on the (highly profitable) reinvention of panto.

Into Eternity (NC)

Try getting your head around this. The Onkalo facility on the west coast of Finland has been designed to keep safe spent nuclear fuel – for the next 100,000 years.

Simon MacCorkindale: British actor who played Greg Reardon in the US soap opera 'Falcon Crest' and Dr Harry Harper in 'Casualty'

Playing Simon Doyle in the 1978 film version of Agatha Christie's Death On The Nile opened the door for Simon MacCorkindale to join a spate of British actors who found fame on American television in the early 1980s.

New exhibition reveals the comings and goings of the world's favourite celebrities at Heathrow

The exhibition at Terminal 5 is based on the remarkable career of the airport's resident photographer Dennis Stone.

What women want: A unique approach to women's fashion

Whether they're inspired by skyscrapers, schoolgirls or Joan Collins, London Fashion Week's female designers have a unique approach to women's wardrobes. Harriet Walker finds out why

Ready to Wear: Valentino is the undisputed master of the grand gesture

Nobody would ever accuse the great Roman couturier, Valentino Garavani, of understatement. Instead he is the undisputed master of the grand gesture. As The Last Emperor, a film about his life and work, opens, he announces: "I love a beautiful lady. I love a beautiful dog. I love a beautiful piece of furniture. I love beauty. It's not my fault." Don't you just know how he feels.

Matthew Norman: The Adam and Alastair show

Media Diary

Armando Iannucci: The result perfectly expresses contempt, confusion and sheer bloody-mindedness

All the key players aimed at and shot each other, just like at the end of Reservoir Dogs
News
people

Top Gear presenter is no stranger to foot-in-mouth controversy

Arts and Entertainment
Imelda Staunton as Dolores Umbridge in the Harry Potter films
books

New essay by JK Rowling went live on Pottermore site this morning

News
Mike Tyson has led an appalling and sad life, but are we not a country that gives second chances?
people

Former boxer recalls incident when he was seven years old

Sport
A Rutherford Raiders shirt with the PornHub sponsorship
football

Arts and Entertainment
Charlie Sheen said he would
tv

Charlie Sheen could be set to revive his role as a hedonistic womaniser

Life and Style
Jamie Oliver’s version of Jollof rice led thousands of people to post angry comments on his website
food + drink
Arts and Entertainment
glastonbury
News
Apple CEO Timothy Cook
people
News
i100
Arts and Entertainment
Vividly drawn: Timothy Spall in Mike Leigh’s ‘Mr Turner’
film

Review: Mike Leigh's biopic is a rambling, rich character study

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The drugs revolution starts now as MPs agree its high time for change

The drugs revolution starts now as MPs agree its high time for change

Commons debate highlights growing cross-party consensus on softening UK drugs legislation, unchanged for 43 years
The camera is turned on tabloid editors in Richard Peppiatt's 'One Rogue Reporter'

Gotcha! The camera is turned on tabloid editors

Hugh Grant says Richard Peppiatt's 'One Rogue Reporter' documentary will highlight issues raised by Leveson
Fall of the Berlin Wall: It was thanks to Mikhail Gorbachev that this symbol of division fell

Fall of the Berlin Wall

It was thanks to Gorbachev that this symbol of division fell
Halloween 2014: What makes Ouija boards, demon dolls, and evil clowns so frightening?

What makes ouija boards and demon dolls scary?

Ouija boards, demon dolls, evil children and clowns are all classic tropes of horror, and this year’s Halloween releases feature them all. What makes them so frightening, decade after decade?
A safari in modern Britain: Rose Rouse reveals how her four-year tour of Harlesden taught her as much about the UK as it did about NW10

Rose Rouse's safari in modern Britain

Rouse decided to walk and talk with as many different people as possible in her neighbourhood of Harlesden and her experiences have been published in a new book
Welcome to my world of no smell and odd tastes: How a bike accident left one woman living with unwanted food mash-ups

'My world of no smell and odd tastes'

A head injury from a bicycle accident had the surprising effect of robbing Nell Frizzell of two of her senses

Matt Parker is proud of his square roots

The "stand-up mathematician" is using comedy nights to preach maths to big audiences
Paul Scholes column: Beating Manchester City is vital part of life at Manchester United. This is first major test for Luke Shaw, Angel Di Maria and Radamel Falcao – it’s not a game to lose

Paul Scholes column

Beating City is vital part of life at United. This is first major test for Shaw, Di Maria and Falcao – it’s not a game to lose
Frank Warren: Call me an old git, but I just can't see that there's a place for women’s boxing

Frank Warren column

Call me an old git, but I just can't see that there's a place for women’s boxing
Adrian Heath interview: Former Everton striker prepares his Orlando City side for the MLS - and having Kaka in the dressing room

Adrian Heath's American dream...

Former Everton striker prepares his Orlando City side for the MLS - and having Kaka in the dressing room
Simon Hart: Manchester City will rise again but they need to change their attitude

Manchester City will rise again but they need to change their attitude

Manuel Pellegrini’s side are too good to fail and derby allows them to start again, says Simon Hart
Isis in Syria: A general reveals the lack of communication with the US - and his country's awkward relationship with their allies-by-default

A Syrian general speaks

A senior officer of Bashar al-Assad’s regime talks to Robert Fisk about his army’s brutal struggle with Isis, in a dirty war whose challenges include widespread atrocities
‘A bit of a shock...’ Cambridge economist with Glasgow roots becomes Zambia’s acting President

‘A bit of a shock...’ Economist with Glasgow roots becomes Zambia’s acting President

Guy Scott's predecessor, Michael Sata, died in a London hospital this week after a lengthy illness
Fall of the Berlin Wall: History catches up with Erich Honecker - the East German leader who praised the Iron Curtain and claimed it prevented a Third World War

Fall of the Berlin Wall

History catches up with Erich Honecker - the East German leader who praised the Iron Curtain and claimed it prevented a Third World War
How to turn your mobile phone into easy money

Turn your mobile phone into easy money

There are 90 million unused mobiles in the UK, which would be worth £7bn if we cashed them in, says David Crookes