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Potato chips. In the 1800s in New York, a customer at a restaurant sent back French fries because they were too thick. The cook made thinner ones that the customer still thought were too thick. Exasperated, the chef made ones that were exceedingly thin to piss off the customer... who loved them.

Love and Other Drugs (15) 1/5, The Way Back (12A) 2/5

Smut and suffering: do not mix

Leading article: Sexing up medicine

The suggestion that 43 per cent of women are suffering from sexual dysfunction is bound to raise a few prurient headlines. But there is one group of people even more interested in the subject than newspapers. They are the drug companies who use such statistics to raise interest in the possibilities of pharmaceutical solutions. It is revealing that such statistics often come from scientists in the pay of that industry. Perhaps that's why there are so many such surveys around. Some suggest that the number of women affected may be as high as 63 per cent. One of the standard techniques of the modern drugs industry is medicalising conditions and creating new diseases – as they have done with pre-hypertension, pre-diabetes and pre-osteoporosis. This is a trend with which society should not collude.

Female sexual dysfunction 'was invented by drugs industry'

Female sexual dysfunction – which is claimed to affect up to two thirds of women – is a disorder invented by the pharmaceutical industry to build global markets for drugs to treat it, it is claimed today.

GPs 'should talk more about sex'

Doctors should routinely ask their patients during medical consultations if they have any sexual concerns, the British Society for Sexual Medicine (BSSM) said yesterday, as the question could give clinicians an early warning of other health problems which the patient may be suffering but could also help to tackle social issues like relationship breakdown.

Doctors call for more sexual health consultations

Men and women should be routinely asked during medical consultations if they have any sexual concerns, the British Society for Sexual Medicine (BSSM) said today.

£4m of fake goods seized at Heathrow

Almost £4m of counterfeit goods were seized at Heathrow Airport in the last three months, the UK Border Agency (UKBA) said yesterday.

Rob Schneider, Udderbelly, South Bank, London

This year, visiting American comedians have included Jim Gaffigan, who had a short but excellent stint at The Shaw Theatre, while the equally superb Marc Maron will play the Soho Theatre later this month. With the good must, inevitably, come the not-so-good – represented here by Rob Schneider, stand-up and star of knockabout movies such as Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, Grown Ups and The Hot Chick and a former Saturday Night Live regular.

Baby 'a gift from God', says father aged 79

A pensioner reported to be Britain's oldest new father told of becoming a parent for the seventh time, at 78 - with a woman 54 years his junior.

Yasmin Alibhai-Brown: Where has all the love gone?

The burning flame of passionate mutuality is burning out as people obsessively chase ratings in the mating game

Our Family Wedding (12A)

If you think that title sounds bland, wait till you see the movie.

First the healthcare victory, now come the death threats

Supporters targeted as Congress wrestles over final details of landmark reform

Holy Water (15)

This jolly Irish heartwarmer is a close descendant of Waking Ned, with a slightly more risqué plotline.

Love life flagging? Then try pork, like the president

They won't be swapping their bottles of Chimichurri for jars of mustard and apple sauce quite yet, and they can still wash dinner down with a nice Malbec, but the people of Argentina are being asked to experiment with a new addition to the national diet: pork.

FA deny England players will take Viagra

The Football Association has denied England are considering taking Viagra to help cope with playing at altitude at the World Cup in South Africa next year.

World Cup in brief: 'We need to respect the other teams but we are confident' says sleepy Rooney

Wayne Rooney has revealed he missed the World Cup draw, because he fell asleep. Manchester United had travelled down to the capital ahead of Saturday's match at West Ham, arriving in their London hotel in good time for the draw.

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Mau Mau uprising: Kenyans still waiting for justice join class action over Britain's role in the emergency

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Isis in Iraq: The trauma of the last six months has overwhelmed the remaining Christians in the country

The last Christians in Iraq

After 2,000 years, a community will try anything – including pretending to convert to Islam – to avoid losing everything, says Patrick Cockburn
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Oh come, all ye multi-faithful

The Christmas jumper is in fashion, but should you wear your religion on your sleeve?
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First video bloggers conquered YouTube. Now they want us to buy their books
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US channels wage comedy star wars
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When EU rules make Italian vineyards invisible
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Meat-free recipes and food scandals help one growing sector
Neil Findlay is more a pink shrimp than a red firebrand

More a pink shrimp than a red firebrand

The vilification of the potential Scottish Labour leader Neil Findlay shows how one-note politics is today, says DJ Taylor
Bill Granger recipes: Tenderstem broccoli omelette; Fried eggs with Mexican-style tomato and chilli sauce; Pan-fried cavolo nero with soft-boiled egg

Oeuf quake

Bill Granger's cracking egg recipes
Terry Venables: Wayne Rooney is roaring again and the world knows that England are back

Terry Venables column

Wayne Rooney is roaring again and the world knows that England are back
Michael Calvin: Abject leadership is allowing football’s age-old sores to fester

Abject leadership is allowing football’s age-old sores to fester

Those at the top are allowing the same issues to go unchallenged, says Michael Calvin