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Potato chips. In the 1800s in New York, a customer at a restaurant sent back French fries because they were too thick. The cook made thinner ones that the customer still thought were too thick. Exasperated, the chef made ones that were exceedingly thin to piss off the customer... who loved them.

Love and Other Drugs (15) 1/5, The Way Back (12A) 2/5

Smut and suffering: do not mix

Leading article: Sexing up medicine

The suggestion that 43 per cent of women are suffering from sexual dysfunction is bound to raise a few prurient headlines. But there is one group of people even more interested in the subject than newspapers. They are the drug companies who use such statistics to raise interest in the possibilities of pharmaceutical solutions. It is revealing that such statistics often come from scientists in the pay of that industry. Perhaps that's why there are so many such surveys around. Some suggest that the number of women affected may be as high as 63 per cent. One of the standard techniques of the modern drugs industry is medicalising conditions and creating new diseases – as they have done with pre-hypertension, pre-diabetes and pre-osteoporosis. This is a trend with which society should not collude.

Female sexual dysfunction 'was invented by drugs industry'

Female sexual dysfunction – which is claimed to affect up to two thirds of women – is a disorder invented by the pharmaceutical industry to build global markets for drugs to treat it, it is claimed today.

GPs 'should talk more about sex'

Doctors should routinely ask their patients during medical consultations if they have any sexual concerns, the British Society for Sexual Medicine (BSSM) said yesterday, as the question could give clinicians an early warning of other health problems which the patient may be suffering but could also help to tackle social issues like relationship breakdown.

Doctors call for more sexual health consultations

Men and women should be routinely asked during medical consultations if they have any sexual concerns, the British Society for Sexual Medicine (BSSM) said today.

£4m of fake goods seized at Heathrow

Almost £4m of counterfeit goods were seized at Heathrow Airport in the last three months, the UK Border Agency (UKBA) said yesterday.

Rob Schneider, Udderbelly, South Bank, London

This year, visiting American comedians have included Jim Gaffigan, who had a short but excellent stint at The Shaw Theatre, while the equally superb Marc Maron will play the Soho Theatre later this month. With the good must, inevitably, come the not-so-good – represented here by Rob Schneider, stand-up and star of knockabout movies such as Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, Grown Ups and The Hot Chick and a former Saturday Night Live regular.

Baby 'a gift from God', says father aged 79

A pensioner reported to be Britain's oldest new father told of becoming a parent for the seventh time, at 78 - with a woman 54 years his junior.

Yasmin Alibhai-Brown: Where has all the love gone?

The burning flame of passionate mutuality is burning out as people obsessively chase ratings in the mating game

Our Family Wedding (12A)

If you think that title sounds bland, wait till you see the movie.

First the healthcare victory, now come the death threats

Supporters targeted as Congress wrestles over final details of landmark reform

Holy Water (15)

This jolly Irish heartwarmer is a close descendant of Waking Ned, with a slightly more risqué plotline.

Love life flagging? Then try pork, like the president

They won't be swapping their bottles of Chimichurri for jars of mustard and apple sauce quite yet, and they can still wash dinner down with a nice Malbec, but the people of Argentina are being asked to experiment with a new addition to the national diet: pork.

FA deny England players will take Viagra

The Football Association has denied England are considering taking Viagra to help cope with playing at altitude at the World Cup in South Africa next year.

World Cup in brief: 'We need to respect the other teams but we are confident' says sleepy Rooney

Wayne Rooney has revealed he missed the World Cup draw, because he fell asleep. Manchester United had travelled down to the capital ahead of Saturday's match at West Ham, arriving in their London hotel in good time for the draw.

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Armstrong, left, and Bain's writing credits include Peep Show, Fresh Meat, and The Old Guys
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Keys to success: Andrew and Julian Lloyd Webber
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Hand out press photograph/film still from the movie Mad Max Fury Road (Downloaded from the Warner Bro's media site/Jasin Boland/© 2014 Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.)
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New essay by JK Rowling went live on Pottermore site on Friday

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Top Gear presenter is no stranger to foot-in-mouth controversy

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Russia Today’s new UK channel began broadcasting yesterday. Discussions so far have included why Britons see Russia as ‘the bad guy’
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New UK station Russia Today gives a very bizarre view of Britain

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Bryan Adams' heartstopping images of wounded British soldiers to go on show at Somerset House

Bryan Adams' images of wounded soldiers

Taken over the course of four years, Adams' portraits are an astonishing document of the aftermath of war
The drugs revolution starts now as MPs agree its high time for change

The drugs revolution starts now as MPs agree its high time for change

Commons debate highlights growing cross-party consensus on softening UK drugs legislation, unchanged for 43 years
The camera is turned on tabloid editors in Richard Peppiatt's 'One Rogue Reporter'

Gotcha! The camera is turned on tabloid editors

Hugh Grant says Richard Peppiatt's 'One Rogue Reporter' documentary will highlight issues raised by Leveson
Fall of the Berlin Wall: It was thanks to Mikhail Gorbachev that this symbol of division fell

Fall of the Berlin Wall

It was thanks to Gorbachev that this symbol of division fell
Halloween 2014: What makes Ouija boards, demon dolls, and evil clowns so frightening?

What makes ouija boards and demon dolls scary?

Ouija boards, demon dolls, evil children and clowns are all classic tropes of horror, and this year’s Halloween releases feature them all. What makes them so frightening, decade after decade?
A safari in modern Britain: Rose Rouse reveals how her four-year tour of Harlesden taught her as much about the UK as it did about NW10

Rose Rouse's safari in modern Britain

Rouse decided to walk and talk with as many different people as possible in her neighbourhood of Harlesden and her experiences have been published in a new book
Welcome to my world of no smell and odd tastes: How a bike accident left one woman living with unwanted food mash-ups

'My world of no smell and odd tastes'

A head injury from a bicycle accident had the surprising effect of robbing Nell Frizzell of two of her senses

Matt Parker is proud of his square roots

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Paul Scholes column: Beating Manchester City is vital part of life at Manchester United. This is first major test for Luke Shaw, Angel Di Maria and Radamel Falcao – it’s not a game to lose

Paul Scholes column

Beating City is vital part of life at United. This is first major test for Shaw, Di Maria and Falcao – it’s not a game to lose
Frank Warren: Call me an old git, but I just can't see that there's a place for women’s boxing

Frank Warren column

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Adrian Heath interview: Former Everton striker prepares his Orlando City side for the MLS - and having Kaka in the dressing room

Adrian Heath's American dream...

Former Everton striker prepares his Orlando City side for the MLS - and having Kaka in the dressing room
Simon Hart: Manchester City will rise again but they need to change their attitude

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Isis in Syria: A general reveals the lack of communication with the US - and his country's awkward relationship with their allies-by-default

A Syrian general speaks

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