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Potato chips. In the 1800s in New York, a customer at a restaurant sent back French fries because they were too thick. The cook made thinner ones that the customer still thought were too thick. Exasperated, the chef made ones that were exceedingly thin to piss off the customer... who loved them.

Viagra, life jacket and baby spoon chosen to represent `spirit' of the millennium

BULLETPROOF LIFE jackets, emergency shelters and heat-activated baby spoons were added yesterday to the list of official millennium products, chosen to represent the best of British innovation.

Condemned to live

HELLO TREES, hello sky, we'll meet again, with a smile and a song, and I think to myself, what a wonderful thump crash wallop, knuckles crack, nose bursts, blood blossoms all down Mr Portillo's little blue shirt, and you know what? I don't even have anything against Mr Portillo at the moment, and as for his shirt, he's always struck me as quite a well-dressed sort of a man. It's just free-floating rage. Juvenal would have understood, but then Juvenal is also dead, so to hell with him. Can't you just see him - smell him - nearly two millennia back, condemning the vices to which he was most drawn, slouching past the racetrack with his big old belly and his pout and his lousy teeth, snarling at the lip-licking popsies up on the Palatine with their fancy scent and their smooth, smooth thighs, and their rich bastard "protectors" ... once you got to a certain level, then as now, you could move up from fornication to cubiculation, trade the rat-shit arches of the Colosseum for the scented couch of a senator. The bitches! The bastards! And never mind that your man Juvenal is himself straight from the bath-house, slick with the venerean sudor of that self- same senator's wife. Times change, and we ... we remain the same.

Refreshing the hearts other drugs can't reach

WOULDN'T IT be awful to die in the middle of a column, some elegiacal piece about, oh, I don't know, some poor unknowing disregarded tidewrack from the late 20th century, the cruellest p

Politics: Two old troublemakers are happily reselected

The Week In Westminster

Firms race to find a Viagra for women

A GLOBAL race to develop the first effective treatment for sexual problems in women is under way, with a bonanza in prospect for the winner. Since the worldwide success of Viagra, the male impotence drug, multinational drug companies are vying to develop a treatment that will prove as appealing to women.

Letter: Dignified old age

Sir: I read John Walsh's article with growing displeasure. To make fun of elderly people and their activities was in appalling bad taste.

Leader: Doctors owe it to their patients to be honest

YOU WOULD need quite a bedside manner to pull this one off. "I'm sorry, Mrs Jones, there is a treatment which could postpone the onset of your ovarian cancer, but it costs pounds 4,000 and I am not allowed to prescribe it on the National Health Service." Everyone knows that this would be an honest description of the reality of the rationing of health care, but should doctors be so direct with their patients? Particularly when the brutal corollary is: "So if you can't afford to go private, you can't have the treatment."

Drug factories become Britain's new illegal cottage industry

POLICE CHIEFS are warning of a flood of new synthetic drugs - including super-strong ecstasy, fake Prozac and Viagra - both manufactured in Britain and imported from illegal "factories" abroad.

Viagra Corner: Dispatches from the Frontiers of Medicine

RUGBY HAS always been viewed as a sport for truly hard men but deep in the Welsh valleys the lads have been getting a little extra help from Viagra.

Man wins pounds 7,500 to try Viagra

A MAN whose sex life and sporting ambitions were destroyed by surgery for a slipped disc won nearly pounds 600,000 damages in the High Court in London - including pounds 7,500 to try out the anti-impotence drug Viagra.

Free-for-all Viagra after court ruling

THE DEPARTMENT of Health said last night that men should not expect a Viagra free-for-all during the next five weeks, even though a High Court judge ruled yesterday that the Government had acted illegally in trying to restrict access to the anti-impotence drug.

Comedy: A bigger laugh

LENNY HENRY

Viagra link to 17 deaths in past year

DOCTORS HAVE recorded 17 deaths in Britain since last July linked with Viagra, the pill for impotence that is still officially banned on the NHS.

Letter:Impotence no joke

Letter:Impotence no joke

Letter: Mad about Viagra

Sir: I must admit to being confused by the media obsession with Viagra, which has once more reared its ugly head. I understand the drug is meant to be recreational and, possibly, procreational. As it takes "two to tango", the drug must also benefit women. That of course assumes that they are feeling cheated if their flaccid partners are unable to come up to the mark, rather than relieved that their partners' inability to perform enables them to concentrate on other more important aspects of life, such as spending money.
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Lake Garda
Minoan Crete and Santorini
Prices correct as of 15 May 2015
On your feet! Spending at least two hours a day standing reduces the risk of heart attacks, cancer and diabetes, according to new research

On your feet!

Spending half the day standing 'reduces risk of heart attacks and cancer'
Liverpool close in on Milner signing

Liverpool close in on Milner signing

Reds baulk at Christian Benteke £32.5m release clause
With scores of surgeries closing, what hope is there for the David Cameron's promise of 5,000 more GPs and a 24/7 NHS?

The big NHS question

Why are there so few new GPs when so many want to study medicine?
Big knickers are back: Thongs ain't what they used to be

Thongs ain't what they used to be

Big knickers are back
Thurston Moore interview

Thurston Moore interview

On living in London, Sonic Youth and musical memoirs
In full bloom

In full bloom

Floral print womenswear
From leading man to Elephant Man, Bradley Cooper is terrific

From leading man to Elephant Man

Bradley Cooper is terrific
In this the person to restore our trust in the banks?

In this the person to restore our trust in the banks?

Dame Colette Bowe - interview
When do the creative juices dry up?

When do the creative juices dry up?

David Lodge thinks he knows
The 'Cher moment' happening across fashion just now

Fashion's Cher moment

Ageing beauty will always be more classy than all that booty
Thousands of teenage girls enduring debilitating illnesses after routine school cancer vaccination

Health fears over school cancer jab

Shock new Freedom of Information figures show how thousands of girls have suffered serious symptoms after routine HPV injection
Fifa President Sepp Blatter warns his opponents: 'I forgive everyone, but I don't forget'

'I forgive everyone, but I don't forget'

Fifa president Sepp Blatter issues defiant warning to opponents
Extreme summer temperatures will soon cause deaths of up to 1,700 more Britons a year, says government report

Weather warning

Extreme summer temperatures will soon cause deaths of up to 1,700 more Britons a year, says government report
LSD: Speaking to volunteer users of the drug as trials get underway to see if it cures depression and addiction

High hopes for LSD

Meet the volunteer users helping to see if it cures depression and addiction
German soldier who died fighting for UK in Battle of Waterloo should be removed from museum display and given dignified funeral, say historians

Saving Private Brandt

A Belgian museum's display of the skeleton of a soldier killed at Waterloo prompts calls for him to be given a dignified funeral