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Potato chips. In the 1800s in New York, a customer at a restaurant sent back French fries because they were too thick. The cook made thinner ones that the customer still thought were too thick. Exasperated, the chef made ones that were exceedingly thin to piss off the customer... who loved them.

Viagra, life jacket and baby spoon chosen to represent `spirit' of the millennium

BULLETPROOF LIFE jackets, emergency shelters and heat-activated baby spoons were added yesterday to the list of official millennium products, chosen to represent the best of British innovation.

Condemned to live

HELLO TREES, hello sky, we'll meet again, with a smile and a song, and I think to myself, what a wonderful thump crash wallop, knuckles crack, nose bursts, blood blossoms all down Mr Portillo's little blue shirt, and you know what? I don't even have anything against Mr Portillo at the moment, and as for his shirt, he's always struck me as quite a well-dressed sort of a man. It's just free-floating rage. Juvenal would have understood, but then Juvenal is also dead, so to hell with him. Can't you just see him - smell him - nearly two millennia back, condemning the vices to which he was most drawn, slouching past the racetrack with his big old belly and his pout and his lousy teeth, snarling at the lip-licking popsies up on the Palatine with their fancy scent and their smooth, smooth thighs, and their rich bastard "protectors" ... once you got to a certain level, then as now, you could move up from fornication to cubiculation, trade the rat-shit arches of the Colosseum for the scented couch of a senator. The bitches! The bastards! And never mind that your man Juvenal is himself straight from the bath-house, slick with the venerean sudor of that self- same senator's wife. Times change, and we ... we remain the same.

Refreshing the hearts other drugs can't reach

WOULDN'T IT be awful to die in the middle of a column, some elegiacal piece about, oh, I don't know, some poor unknowing disregarded tidewrack from the late 20th century, the cruellest p

Politics: Two old troublemakers are happily reselected

The Week In Westminster

Firms race to find a Viagra for women

A GLOBAL race to develop the first effective treatment for sexual problems in women is under way, with a bonanza in prospect for the winner. Since the worldwide success of Viagra, the male impotence drug, multinational drug companies are vying to develop a treatment that will prove as appealing to women.

Letter: Dignified old age

Sir: I read John Walsh's article with growing displeasure. To make fun of elderly people and their activities was in appalling bad taste.

Leader: Doctors owe it to their patients to be honest

YOU WOULD need quite a bedside manner to pull this one off. "I'm sorry, Mrs Jones, there is a treatment which could postpone the onset of your ovarian cancer, but it costs pounds 4,000 and I am not allowed to prescribe it on the National Health Service." Everyone knows that this would be an honest description of the reality of the rationing of health care, but should doctors be so direct with their patients? Particularly when the brutal corollary is: "So if you can't afford to go private, you can't have the treatment."

Drug factories become Britain's new illegal cottage industry

POLICE CHIEFS are warning of a flood of new synthetic drugs - including super-strong ecstasy, fake Prozac and Viagra - both manufactured in Britain and imported from illegal "factories" abroad.

Viagra Corner: Dispatches from the Frontiers of Medicine

RUGBY HAS always been viewed as a sport for truly hard men but deep in the Welsh valleys the lads have been getting a little extra help from Viagra.

Man wins pounds 7,500 to try Viagra

A MAN whose sex life and sporting ambitions were destroyed by surgery for a slipped disc won nearly pounds 600,000 damages in the High Court in London - including pounds 7,500 to try out the anti-impotence drug Viagra.

Free-for-all Viagra after court ruling

THE DEPARTMENT of Health said last night that men should not expect a Viagra free-for-all during the next five weeks, even though a High Court judge ruled yesterday that the Government had acted illegally in trying to restrict access to the anti-impotence drug.

Comedy: A bigger laugh

LENNY HENRY

Viagra link to 17 deaths in past year

DOCTORS HAVE recorded 17 deaths in Britain since last July linked with Viagra, the pill for impotence that is still officially banned on the NHS.

Letter:Impotence no joke

Letter:Impotence no joke

Letter: Mad about Viagra

Sir: I must admit to being confused by the media obsession with Viagra, which has once more reared its ugly head. I understand the drug is meant to be recreational and, possibly, procreational. As it takes "two to tango", the drug must also benefit women. That of course assumes that they are feeling cheated if their flaccid partners are unable to come up to the mark, rather than relieved that their partners' inability to perform enables them to concentrate on other more important aspects of life, such as spending money.
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Pompeii, Capri & the Bay of Naples
Seven Cities of Italy
Burgundy, the River Rhone & Provence
Prague, Budapest and Vienna
Lake Garda
Minoan Crete and Santorini
Prices correct as of 15 May 2015
The Silk Roads that trace civilisation: Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places

The Silk Roads that trace civilisation

Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places
House of Lords: Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled

The honours that shame Britain

Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled
When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race

'When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race'

Why are black men living the stereotypes and why are we letting them get away with it?
International Tap Festival: Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic

International Tap Festival comes to the UK

Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic
War with Isis: Is Turkey's buffer zone in Syria a matter of self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

Turkey's buffer zone in Syria: self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

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Doris Lessing: Acclaimed novelist was kept under MI5 observation for 18 years, newly released papers show

'A subversive brothel keeper and Communist'

Acclaimed novelist Doris Lessing was kept under MI5 observation for 18 years, newly released papers show
Big Blue Live: BBC's Springwatch offshoot swaps back gardens for California's Monterey Bay

BBC heads to the Californian coast

The Big Blue Live crew is preparing for the first of three episodes on Sunday night, filming from boats, planes and an aquarium studio
Austin Bidwell: The Victorian fraudster who shook the Bank of England with the most daring forgery the world had known

Victorian fraudster who shook the Bank of England

Conman Austin Bidwell. was a heartless cad who carried out the most daring forgery the world had known
Car hacking scandal: Security designed to stop thieves hot-wiring almost every modern motor has been cracked

Car hacking scandal

Security designed to stop thieves hot-wiring almost every modern motor has been cracked
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Protect your table and dine in style with a bold new accessory
Ashes 2015: Alastair Cook not the only one to be caught in The Oval mindwarp

Cook not the only one to be caught in The Oval mindwarp

Aussie skipper Michael Clarke was lured into believing that what we witnessed at Edgbaston and Trent Bridge would continue in London, says Kevin Garside
Can Rafael Benitez get the best out of Gareth Bale at Real Madrid?

Can Benitez get the best out of Bale?

Back at the club he watched as a boy, the pressure is on Benitez to find a winning blend from Real's multiple talents. As La Liga begins, Pete Jenson asks if it will be enough to stop Barcelona
Athletics World Championships 2015: Beijing witnesses new stage in the Jessica Ennis-Hill and Katarina Johnson-Thompson heptathlon rivalry

Beijing witnesses new stage in the Jess and Kat rivalry

The last time the two British heptathletes competed, Ennis-Hill was on the way to Olympic gold and Johnson-Thompson was just a promising teenager. But a lot has happened in the following three years
Jeremy Corbyn: Joining a shrewd operator desperate for power as he visits the North East

Jeremy Corbyn interview: A shrewd operator desperate for power

His radical anti-austerity agenda has caught the imagination of the left and politically disaffected and set a staid Labour leadership election alight
Isis executes Palmyra antiquities chief: Defender of ancient city's past was killed for protecting its future

Isis executes Palmyra antiquities chief

Robert Fisk on the defender of the ancient city's past who was killed for protecting its future