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Potato chips. In the 1800s in New York, a customer at a restaurant sent back French fries because they were too thick. The cook made thinner ones that the customer still thought were too thick. Exasperated, the chef made ones that were exceedingly thin to piss off the customer... who loved them.

Viagra, life jacket and baby spoon chosen to represent `spirit' of the millennium

BULLETPROOF LIFE jackets, emergency shelters and heat-activated baby spoons were added yesterday to the list of official millennium products, chosen to represent the best of British innovation.

Condemned to live

HELLO TREES, hello sky, we'll meet again, with a smile and a song, and I think to myself, what a wonderful thump crash wallop, knuckles crack, nose bursts, blood blossoms all down Mr Portillo's little blue shirt, and you know what? I don't even have anything against Mr Portillo at the moment, and as for his shirt, he's always struck me as quite a well-dressed sort of a man. It's just free-floating rage. Juvenal would have understood, but then Juvenal is also dead, so to hell with him. Can't you just see him - smell him - nearly two millennia back, condemning the vices to which he was most drawn, slouching past the racetrack with his big old belly and his pout and his lousy teeth, snarling at the lip-licking popsies up on the Palatine with their fancy scent and their smooth, smooth thighs, and their rich bastard "protectors" ... once you got to a certain level, then as now, you could move up from fornication to cubiculation, trade the rat-shit arches of the Colosseum for the scented couch of a senator. The bitches! The bastards! And never mind that your man Juvenal is himself straight from the bath-house, slick with the venerean sudor of that self- same senator's wife. Times change, and we ... we remain the same.

Refreshing the hearts other drugs can't reach

WOULDN'T IT be awful to die in the middle of a column, some elegiacal piece about, oh, I don't know, some poor unknowing disregarded tidewrack from the late 20th century, the cruellest p

Politics: Two old troublemakers are happily reselected

The Week In Westminster

Firms race to find a Viagra for women

A GLOBAL race to develop the first effective treatment for sexual problems in women is under way, with a bonanza in prospect for the winner. Since the worldwide success of Viagra, the male impotence drug, multinational drug companies are vying to develop a treatment that will prove as appealing to women.

Letter: Dignified old age

Sir: I read John Walsh's article with growing displeasure. To make fun of elderly people and their activities was in appalling bad taste.

Leader: Doctors owe it to their patients to be honest

YOU WOULD need quite a bedside manner to pull this one off. "I'm sorry, Mrs Jones, there is a treatment which could postpone the onset of your ovarian cancer, but it costs pounds 4,000 and I am not allowed to prescribe it on the National Health Service." Everyone knows that this would be an honest description of the reality of the rationing of health care, but should doctors be so direct with their patients? Particularly when the brutal corollary is: "So if you can't afford to go private, you can't have the treatment."

Drug factories become Britain's new illegal cottage industry

POLICE CHIEFS are warning of a flood of new synthetic drugs - including super-strong ecstasy, fake Prozac and Viagra - both manufactured in Britain and imported from illegal "factories" abroad.

Viagra Corner: Dispatches from the Frontiers of Medicine

RUGBY HAS always been viewed as a sport for truly hard men but deep in the Welsh valleys the lads have been getting a little extra help from Viagra.

Man wins pounds 7,500 to try Viagra

A MAN whose sex life and sporting ambitions were destroyed by surgery for a slipped disc won nearly pounds 600,000 damages in the High Court in London - including pounds 7,500 to try out the anti-impotence drug Viagra.

Free-for-all Viagra after court ruling

THE DEPARTMENT of Health said last night that men should not expect a Viagra free-for-all during the next five weeks, even though a High Court judge ruled yesterday that the Government had acted illegally in trying to restrict access to the anti-impotence drug.

Comedy: A bigger laugh

LENNY HENRY

Viagra link to 17 deaths in past year

DOCTORS HAVE recorded 17 deaths in Britain since last July linked with Viagra, the pill for impotence that is still officially banned on the NHS.

Letter:Impotence no joke

Letter:Impotence no joke

Letter: Mad about Viagra

Sir: I must admit to being confused by the media obsession with Viagra, which has once more reared its ugly head. I understand the drug is meant to be recreational and, possibly, procreational. As it takes "two to tango", the drug must also benefit women. That of course assumes that they are feeling cheated if their flaccid partners are unable to come up to the mark, rather than relieved that their partners' inability to perform enables them to concentrate on other more important aspects of life, such as spending money.
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The Doctor and Clara have their first real heart to heart since he regenerated in 'Deep Breath'
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Independent Travel
Burgundy, the River Rhone & Provence – Five-star MS Swiss Corona 7 nights from £999pp
Lake Como St Moritz & the Bernina Express 7 nights from £809pp
Vietnam
Lake Maggiore, Orta & the Matterhorn 7 nights from £939pp
South Africa
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Prices correct as of 19 December 2014
A timely reminder of the bloody anniversary we all forgot

A timely reminder of the bloody anniversary we all forgot

Who remembers that this week we enter the 150th anniversary year of the end of the American Civil War, asks Robert Fisk
Homeless Veterans appeal: Former soldiers pay their respects to a friend who also served

Homeless Veterans appeal

Former soldiers pay their respects to a friend who also served
Downfall of Dustin 'Screech' Diamond, the 'Saved By The Bell' star charged with bar stabbing

Scarred by the bell

The downfall of the TV star charged with bar stabbing
Why 2014 was a year of technological let-downs

Why 2014 was a year of technological let-downs

Security breaches and overhyped start-ups dominated a year in which very little changed (save the size of your phone)
Cuba's golf revolution: But will the revolutionary nation take 'bourgeois' game to its heart?

Will revolutionary Cuba take 'bourgeois' golf to its heart?

Fidel Castro ridiculed the game – but now investment in leisure resort projects is welcome
The Locked Room Mysteries: As a new collection of the genre’s best is published, its editor Otto Penzler explains the rules of engagement

The Locked Room Mysteries

As a new collection of the genre’s best is published, its editor explains the rules of engagement
Amy Adams on playing painter Margaret Keane in Tim Burton's Big Eyes

How I made myself Keane

Amy Adams hadn’t wanted to take the role of artist Margaret Keane, because she’d had enough of playing victims. But then she had a daughter, and saw the painter in a new light
Ed Richards: Parting view of Ofcom chief. . . we hate jokes on the disabled

Parting view of Ofcom chief... we hate jokes on the disabled

Bad language once got TV viewers irate, inciting calls to broadcasting switchboards. But now there is a worse offender, says retiring head of the media watchdog, Ed Richards
A look back at fashion in 2014: Wear in review

Wear in review

A look back at fashion in 2014
Ian Herbert: My 10 hopes for sport in 2015. Might just one of them happen?

Ian Herbert: My 10 hopes for sport in 2015

Might just one of them happen?
War with Isis: The West needs more than a White Knight

The West needs more than a White Knight

Despite billions spent on weapons, the US has not been able to counter Isis's gruesome tactics, says Patrick Cockburn
Return to Helmand: Private Davey Graham recalls the day he was shot by the Taliban

'The day I was shot by the Taliban'

Private Davey Graham was shot five times during an ambush in 2007 - it was the first, controversial photograph to show the dangers our soldiers faced in Helmand province
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Revealed: the best and worst airlines for delays

Many flyers are failing to claim compensation to which they are entitled, a new survey has found
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The stories that defined 2014

From the Scottish independence referendum to the Ice Bucket Challenge, our writers voice their opinions
Stoke-on-Trent becomes first British city to be classified as 'disaster resilient' by the United Nations

Disaster looming? Now you know where to head...

Which British city has become the first to be awarded special 'resilience' status by the UN?