Mr and Mrs Meredith
And their little boy and girl
Were driving down to the coast one day,
Out for a bit of a whirl,
When Father said, "Oh me, oh my,
We're very low on fuel!"
And so they stopped to get some more,
Which is the normal rule.
While Father filled the petrol tank
Mama bought bags of sweets
And crisps and chocolate-coated bars,
And other tasty eats,
For she got bored on long car trips
And so she sat and ate
Which help to stave off boredom
But made her overweight...
And when the sweets were purchased
And pennies had been spent
Papa switched on the engine
And said: "OK - let's went!"
(One of those jocular phrases
Which fathers like to use
Thinking they sound quite comical,
Though no one shares their views ...)
And mother took a sweetie
And the kids got belted up
And Dad revved up the engine
And said out loud: "Hey yup!"
And he left the service area
To rejoin the motorway
That he'd forgotten to pay!
Yes, stricken by amnesia
He'd offered no credit card,
Not even reached for his cheque book
So before he'd gone a yard
The girl at the petrol counter
(The one marked "PUMPS 1-9")
Had picked up her secret telephone
And got the police on the line.
"It's Sue at Northbound Petrol
Reporting an abscondee.
A guy in a red Fiesta,
Owing pounds 30.43."
"OK, Susan, gotcha,
Just leave it up to us.
We'll get the money back to you
- Nae bother and nae fuss."
Meanwhile poor Mr Meredith,
Unaware of his fate,
Drove at a steady 60,
While his wife sat there and ate,
And a couple of miles behind him
A police car, flashing blue lights,
Looked for the red Fiesta
To get him bang to rights.
And the gap between them lessened
As cars got out of the way,
For when a police car flashes us,
We normally tend to obey,
And breathe a little sigh of relief
And thank our lucky stars,
As the police sweep past, a-chasing
Some other car, not ours.
But just when Mr Meredith
Was in danger of having to stop,
Another driver, called Reggie,
Looked round and saw the cop.
Now, the car that Reg was driving
Was stolen property,
And Reggie's basic instinct
Was to step on the gas and flee.
And so he went up to 90,
And then went into a skid,
And then was hit by the policeman
(Whose name, I think, was Sid).
And there was a massive pile-up
Of 100 cars or more,
Who all crashed into each other,
And lay there, door to door.
While further down the motorway
The Meredith family
Carried on quite blithely
To their day out by the sea.
And when they read the paper
The next day, back at base,
Father's mouth dropped open
And a happy smile came to his face.
"We were lucky yesterday, mother,
When we went down the M.
There were masses of cars in a pile-up
- See this picture of them!"
"What was the cause?" said Mother.
"Police chase, apparently.
Going too fast in the fast lane
And then - well, you can see."
"Well, we were lucky," said Mother
Looking for wood to touch,
And when she said she was lucky,
She didn't know how much.
Now listen, all you drivers,
And harken well to me,
Next time you go to London
Or down the M3 to the sea,
When the police sirens are sounding
And the lights behind are blue,
Ask not whom they are chasing
- The siren blares for you!Reuse content