Beware the Mad March Hairdresser

Share
Related Topics
March is a dangerous month. It's enough to make you stay indoors. Evidence of mad spring behaviour is all around me, more pronounced than usual, I'm sure, as a result of the horribly long and gloomy winter we've all had to endure.

I breezed into the hairdresser, the one I've been going to for 10 years, on a day the daffodils were nodding away in his window box. The last time I set foot in the place was on Christmas Eve and he'd been a model of well-worn charm, honed to perfection by the years he's been in Sloane Street. Now he had turned into a March hairdresser. Out of control.

The sun was shining into the salon, on to my tatty, chin-length bob, the one he's tended so conscientiously for so long. 'Springtime, time for a new look,' he announced, before I'd even settled into the chair. 'Shorter, more height, more weight on top, a bob is only worthwhile when it hangs just so' - that is, not like mine. Before I could say shampoo and blow dry, he was away, hacking off six inches.

I looked up once, shivering, from Harpers & Queen, to see my right ear totally exposed, and collapsed into helplessness. This was not a normal trip to the hairdresser.

'Don't worry,' he said, as I was leaving, shell-shocked, with my crop of inch-long fluff. 'Your hair will have two weeks of trauma and then it will settle down.' He advised bigger earrings and a brighter lipstick to balance the new look. So I bought both on my way home.

I returned feeling cold, despite the sunshine; but at least I had avoided being given chestnut lowlights. My 10- month-old baby was sitting in his high chair, eating toast. Instead of a smile and welcoming babble, he looked at me suspiciously, with mouth turned down. He wasn't sure who I was. I thought he was going to cry. I thought I might cry, too.

But then my older children broke off from their tea to stare up stonily: 'It doesn't suit you, you look younger,' they said - apparently there is nothing worse than a mother with a new glamorised image. This suddenly had an immensely cheering effect: I rushed off to try the new red lipstick.

My eldest daughter instantly grabbed a good opportunity - I had gone to the hairdresser because we all had to go to a party later that week. She informed me: 'I've got nothing to wear, only black leggings and Doc Martens or a kilt. I must have a new dress.'

So did my second daughter, who has refused to wear anything but blue jeans and sweaters for six months. So we all went to Marks & Spencer for new spring outfits. They eagerly chose floaty feminine cotton dresses with swingy skirts, and flapping ankle- length cardigans. I could hardly believe my eyes.

It was infectious. On the way out I took a detour through the adult rails and picked up a little crepe suit - madness really, the sleeves are too long, the skirt is too tight, the colour an insipid green, and I certainly didn't need it, but hell, it's spring.

Back home, my four-year- old, scenting a touch of spending in the air but excluded from the dress-buying spree, renewed her plea to go to Euro Disney (she had met point- blank refusals before). Feeling younger and irresponsible (by now I had my new earrings on) I crumbled, and said we'd go next month, as an early fifth birthday present.

The others were just gearing up to asking if they could string along, too, when the doorbell rang. The gardener who dug up the borders a year ago had returned to propose stage two: more planting, more expensive, but nice. In the golden sunlight, the sprouting lawn, daffodils and damson blossom framing the back garden only served to accentuate the bare soil, waiting to receive roses, clematis and delphiniums, and spring into fruitfulness.

'Another touch of blue would be so nice' - I added scabious to the list. Then we planned a mini-orchard and an archway for roses in the space currently reserved for bonfires. And a second big terracotta pot of flowers by the front door.

No wonder April is designated the cruel month. That's when the bills come home to roost. But right now I'm feeling quite heady after a month of March.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Account Manager

£20000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This full service social media ...

Recruitment Genius: Data Analyst - Online Marketing

£24000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: We are 'Changemakers in retail'...

Austen Lloyd: Senior Residential Conveyancer

Very Competitive: Austen Lloyd: Senior Conveyancer - South West We are see...

Austen Lloyd: Residential / Commercial Property Solicitor

Excellent Salary: Austen Lloyd: DORSET MARKET TOWN - SENIOR PROPERTY SOLICITOR...

Day In a Page

Read Next
RIP Voicemail?  

Voicemail has got me out of some tight corners, so let's not abandon it

Simon Kelner
A sculpture illustrating the WW1 Christmas Truce football match in Liverpool  

It's been 100 years since the Christmas Truce, but football is still changing the world

Jim Murphy and Dan Jarvis
Isis in Iraq: Yazidi girls killing themselves to escape rape and imprisonment by militants

'Jilan killed herself in the bathroom. She cut her wrists and hanged herself'

Yazidi girls killing themselves to escape rape and imprisonment
Ed Balls interview: 'If I think about the deficit when I'm playing the piano, it all goes wrong'

Ed Balls interview

'If I think about the deficit when I'm playing the piano, it all goes wrong'
He's behind you, dude!

US stars in UK panto

From David Hasselhoff to Jerry Hall
Grace Dent's Christmas Quiz: What are you – a festive curmudgeon or top of the tree?

Grace Dent's Christmas Quiz

What are you – a festive curmudgeon or top of the tree?
Nasa planning to build cloud cities in airships above Venus

Nasa planning to build cloud cities in airships above Venus

Planet’s surface is inhospitable to humans but 30 miles above it is almost perfect
Surrounded by high-rise flats is a little house filled with Lebanon’s history - clocks, rifles, frogmen’s uniforms and colonial helmets

Clocks, rifles, swords, frogmen’s uniforms

Surrounded by high-rise flats is a little house filled with Lebanon’s history
Return to Gaza: Four months on, the wounds left by Israel's bombardment have not yet healed

Four months after the bombardment, Gaza’s wounds are yet to heal

Kim Sengupta is reunited with a man whose plight mirrors the suffering of the Palestinian people
Gastric surgery: Is it really the answer to the UK's obesity epidemic?

Is gastric surgery really the answer to the UK's obesity epidemic?

Critics argue that it’s crazy to operate on healthy people just to stop them eating
Homeless Veterans appeal: Christmas charity auction Part 2 - now LIVE

Homeless Veterans appeal: Christmas charity auction

Bid on original art, or trips of a lifetime to Africa or the 'Corrie' set, and help Homeless Veterans
Pantomime rings the changes to welcome autistic theatre-goers

Autism-friendly theatre

Pantomime leads the pack in quest to welcome all
The week Hollywood got scared and had to grow up a bit

The week Hollywood got scared and had to grow up a bit

Sony suffered a chorus of disapproval after it withdrew 'The Interview', but it's not too late for it to take a stand, says Joan Smith
From Widow Twankey to Mother Goose, how do the men who play panto dames get themselves ready for the performance of a lifetime?

Panto dames: before and after

From Widow Twankey to Mother Goose, how do the men who play panto dames get themselves ready for the performance of a lifetime?
Thirties murder mystery novel is surprise runaway Christmas hit

Thirties murder mystery novel is surprise runaway Christmas hit

Booksellers say readers are turning away from dark modern thrillers and back to the golden age of crime writing
Anne-Marie Huby: 'Charities deserve the best,' says founder of JustGiving

Anne-Marie Huby: 'Charities deserve the best'

Ten million of us have used the JustGiving website to donate to good causes. Its co-founder says that being dynamic is as important as being kind
The botanist who hunts for giant trees at Kew Gardens

The man who hunts giants

A Kew Gardens botanist has found 25 new large tree species - and he's sure there are more out there