So it was that I set out on a mission to help Mrs Bottomley. Clothes are taken care of, I reasoned; but what about furniture? Suppose the Bottomleys need some flatpack cupboards in a hurry? Not good news, I'm afraid. MFI were polite, but I wouldn't be too hopeful there, Virginia.
Next, DIY. Imagine the scene: back after a hard day over the red boxes, but there's still that spare bathroom to be tiled. I called B&Q. Sorry, Virginia: not keen. They open at 8am as it is, and are unlikely to open any earlier. But chivalry is not entirely dead in the world of mastic and angle grinder. Enter Texas Homecare, riding to the rescue. Same spiel as B&Q, but with this extra, crucial phrase: 'We would consider every case on its merits.' Just give them a call and let grouting commence.
Then there are those irritating, commonplace problems that can strike at any time, like the rattle and roar which means that you and Peter need a new exhaust and silencer. Take a bow, Kwik-Fit, who say: 'We would do our best to help Mrs Bottomley out.' Well done, lads.
Can't sleep? Need a video? Yogi Videos, of Acre Lane, Brixton, would be privileged to open specially for Mrs Bottomley. And what about food? Worry not, Bottomleys. I am instructed that Abdul Noor, proprietor of the El Amin Indian restaurant, Cambridge Heath Road, Bethnal Green, would consider it a privilege to open at any hour to rustle up a quick biryani.
And not only that: I save the best until last. Spud-U-Like anywhere will open specially for you, providing you give them enough notice to get the ovens warmed up. Perhaps this isn't such a bad country, after all.Reuse content