Captain Moonlight: The Captain's Catch-up Service

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The Independent Online
EYES DOWN, once again, for the only weekly news digest that will have you shaking your head in wonder at the rich tapestry that is the human experience . . . The American Labrador Retrievers Club is discriminating against the English type of labrador on the grounds of its short legs. Six breeders have launched a lawsuit . . . Pregnant engineering student Mandy Delaney sat an exam at Aston Univerity, despite having contractions every 10 minutes. She got an upper second . . . The Lane family were the only non-German guests at a Majorca hotel that specialised in German Bing Crosby impersonations. They were abused with taunts of 'unqualified', a jibe at England's failure to make the World Cup finals . . . Douglas Hurd's wife Judy makes cucumber sandwiches with half-frozen bread . . . Two rows of lavatory attendant Jorg Bissinger's customers made an arch out of loo brushes at his wedding in Wittenburg . . . Ron Newman, of Kent, was given 140 hours' community service by Croydon Crown Court for hitting his friend over the head with a guitar because he kept playing the wrong chord in the Eagles' 'Peaceful, Easy Feeling' . . . A man wearing a sheriff's badge and holding a toy six-shooter who fell asleep on the train returning from a Country & Western evening was surrounded by armed police in Southend . . . and, finally, Alido Ricchi, a 49-year-old pianist, was shot as he played 'O Sole Mio' at a midnight Communist Festival in Legnano, Italy. 'He wasn't the best player, but he didn't deserve that,' said police.

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