Dom Joly: I'll selflessly go to Suriname. For my daughter's sake...

Share
Related Topics

I'm just back from a whistle-stop tour of Norway. A couple of days in Oslo and then a hairy train ride to a boat that whisked me through the fjords to Bergen and then home. I've definitely got the wanderlust bad.

I do love coming home and hanging around with the family but, after a couple of weeks, I start to get the itch. Then I find myself in my gym. Sadly, exercise is far from my mind. I have a huge map of the world on one of the walls in there and I start to look around for my next destination. At the moment, South America is the big gap in my map: the problem is that I can't make up my mind where to go.

Peru is the obvious choice, but it seems to be so packed with travellers at the moment that they've probably built a Starbucks at Machu Picchu. Argentina is another option – great steaks, fabulous women – but I've just read Naomi Klein's wonderful book The Shock Doctrine (if you haven't read it, then do so) and it reminded me just how unpleasant they were to each other – and I hate the tango.

Uruguay has always fascinated me: Montevideo – what a great name for a capital. I'd visit the place on that alone. The problem is that I know nothing about Uruguay, apart from the fact that the rugby team which crashed in the Andes and started to eat each other were from there. Might leave it this time.

What about Brazil? Too big to do in one quick trip unless I want to risk a divorce. How about Ecuador? They eat deep-fried guinea pig, so no thank you. Venezuela appeals to me, but I don't want to run into that awful Sloane from Channel 4 who was making the 100 per cent chocolate out there. He's very annoying.

It's bloody difficult making your mind up. Maybe I should do the wearing-a-blindfold-and-throwing-a-dart-at-the-map trick? That quite appeals actually, but I'd probably cheat.

Years ago I did a "comedy" radio show in which I pretended to be an inmate in Wormwood Scrubs who had just won the Lottery. He was about to be released and was going to treat himself to a trip round the world. The thing is, he didn't want to waste his time in too many "silly" countries. So he/I decided to phone countries and ask them to "sell" themselves as potential destinations. Weirdly, it is possible to actually phone a country. If you look up Iceland or Greenland, there is a number for each of them that puts you through to some tourist office somewhere over there.

I told the Icelandic woman that Greenland had said that Iceland was "rubbish" and not worth visiting. She went mental and started to slag off Greenland: "It's just basically a lump of ice with a little town at each end. It is very backwards."

Later, I had a fabulous conversation with a representative from Suriname. "Tell me why I should visit your country," I asked. "What attractions so you have?" "Vee hav [they're of Dutch origin]," he replied, "shwamps, lotsh of shwamps and very big shnakes." The representative showed quite some enthusiasm. I asked him why I should visit him and not neighbouring Guyana?

"Vey do not have shnakes as big as us," he replied earnestly. I really like the guy from Suriname (as opposed to the guy from Guyana who kept telling me how many KFC outlets there were in his country).

Thinking about it, I might make Suriname my next destination. The capital is called Paramaribo and is one of the few that my daughter Parker doesn't know yet. I'm teaching her all the capitals in the world, but she can never remember this one. Maybe my going there for a week will help her? Now that's what I call good parenting.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Chemistry Teacher

£85 - £125 per day: Randstad Education Chester: Job Opportunity for Secondary ...

English Teacher

£85 - £125 per day: Randstad Education Chester: Job Opportunity for Secondary ...

English Teacher

£100 - £110 per day: Randstad Education Group: [ Megan Smith 22/09/2014 17:00:...

Foundation and KS1 Teacher

£100 - £140 per day: Randstad Education Birmingham: Foundation and Key Stage 1...

Day In a Page

Read Next
A survey by Which? found that some of the UK’s biggest airports, including Heathrow, left travellers the most agitated  

Third-runway momentum is gathering. We need to stop it in its tracks

Mary Dejevsky
A new app has been launched that enables people to have a cuddle from a stranger  

Will Cuddlr do for hugging what Tinder and Grindr did for sex?

Jessica Brown Jessica Brown
A roller-coaster tale from the 'voice of a generation'

Not That Kind of Girl:

A roller-coaster tale from 'voice of a generation' Lena Dunham
London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice. In fact it, as much as anywhere, deserves independence

London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice

In fact it, as much as anywhere, deserves independence
Vivienne Westwood 'didn’t want' relationship with Malcolm McLaren

Vivienne Westwood 'didn’t want' relationship with McLaren

Designer 'felt pressured' into going out with Sex Pistols manager
Jourdan Dunn: Model mother

Model mother

Jordan Dunn became one of the best-paid models in the world
Apple still coolest brand – despite U2 PR disaster

Apple still the coolest brand

Despite PR disaster of free U2 album
Scottish referendum: The Yes vote was the love that dared speak its name, but it was not to be

Despite the result, this is the end of the status quo

Boyd Tonkin on the fall-out from the Scottish referendum
Manolo Blahnik: The high priest of heels talks flats, Englishness, and why he loves Mary Beard

Manolo Blahnik: Flats, Englishness, and Mary Beard

The shoe designer who has been dubbed 'the patron saint of the stiletto'
The Beatles biographer reveals exclusive original manuscripts of some of the best pop songs ever written

Scrambled eggs and LSD

Behind The Beatles' lyrics - thanks to Hunter Davis's original manuscript copies
'Normcore' fashion: Blending in is the new standing out in latest catwalk non-trend

'Normcore': Blending in is the new standing out

Just when fashion was in grave danger of running out of trends, it only went and invented the non-trend. Rebecca Gonsalves investigates
Dance’s new leading ladies fight back: How female vocalists are now writing their own hits

New leading ladies of dance fight back

How female vocalists are now writing their own hits
Mystery of the Ground Zero wedding photo

A shot in the dark

Mystery of the wedding photo from Ground Zero
His life, the universe and everything

His life, the universe and everything

New biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
Save us from small screen superheroes

Save us from small screen superheroes

Shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D are little more than marketing tools
Reach for the skies

Reach for the skies

From pools to football pitches, rooftop living is looking up
These are the 12 best hotel spas in the UK

12 best hotel spas in the UK

Some hotels go all out on facilities; others stand out for the sheer quality of treatments