A pill that does the exercise for you? Let's hope lazy, overweight people don't take advantage

The problem is that it won't just be used by disabled people. It will also be used by fat people who cannot be bothered to jog. And that bothers me.

Share
Related Topics

Scientists in Florida (where else?) believe they are waddling towards a drug that would allow people to enjoy the benefits of exercise without having to shift a glute.

They've been studying obese mice (67 per cent of rodents in the US are overweight), injecting them with a special compound which affected levels of a protein in muscles called REV-ERB. The name of this protein has to have been made up by the same pharmaceutical portmanteau-wizards who dream up special ingredients for beauty products like Sleek-a-silk-o-drol or Smootha-softa-plumperol.

The compound apparently boosted the metabolism of the mice, normalised their cholesterol levels and affected how much they slept, regardless of how much fat (cheese) they ate. To put it very simply, the cellular effects resulted in both impaired mitochondrial biogenesis and increased clearance of this organelle, leading to compromised exercise capacity. To read the full report and enjoy more words like 'organelle' click here.

Experts hope that one day the compound may help disabled people to get the benefits of exercise without having to move.

It goes without saying, that would be ace!

But here's the rub...it won't just be used by disabled people will it? It will also be used by fat people who cannot be arsed to jog. And that bothers me.

After all, this is the holy grail. A chance to improve one's health whilst simultaneously ruining it. It's the 5:2 diet on crack.

Everyone look! Bring your clogged arteries and wobbling tummies over here! Use a mobility scooter if you must. Great news! Now you can eat whatever you want as long as you shove this pill in it! Stuff your face with 'no sugar' lard and 'low fat' Kendal Mint Cake, get rid of the unused gym ball from the wardrobe because that hurty thing called movement is no longer necessary!

I can imagine them now. Around the world, big-boned people are putting down their biscuits and leaning into their computers, dazzled by the tantalising possibilities. 'Yes?' They whisper. 'Is it finally true that Kentucky Mcfried Burger Hut can be part of a healthy lifestyle?'

No my poor out-of-breath dumplings. Not yet. But perhaps soon. And then, we will become extinct. An asteroid wiped out the dinosaurs. An exercise-replacing pill could take us out.

You see, any respected anthropologist, scientist or columnist will tell you that the driving force behind every single human advancement, is laziness. Forget opposable thumbs and cunning...laziness is why we invented the wheel and laziness is why we invented the bicycle. Laziness is why we invented the remote control, toasters, motor cars, telephones, pens, zips, showers, domesticated animals and online newspapers. The human race simply cannot be arsed. And the lazier it gets, the more it loses touch with what life is about: running, dancing, hunting, exploring...living. 

Listen to the chilling words of Thomas Burris, chairman of the department of pharmacological and physiological science at St Louis University School of Medicine. He says it is not inconceivable that a drug, based on his compound, might one day allow people to enjoy the health benefits of endurance without exertion.

And so, the most powerful product slogan ever created, is born: Endurance...without exertion.

Wherever that compound is, it must be found and destroyed for it holds within it the power to turn us all into bloated slugs, incapable of either.

React Now

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Web Developer (C#, ASP.NET, AJAX, JavaScript, MVC, HTML)

£40000 - £45000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: Web Developer ...

C# R&D .NET Developer-Algorithms, WCF, WPF, Agile, ASP.NET,MVC

£50000 - £67000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: C# R&D .NE...

C# Developer (Web, HTML5, CSS3, ASP.NET, JS, Visual Studios)

£40000 - £50000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: C# Developer (...

C# Developer (ASP.NET, F#, SQL, MVC, Bootstrap, JavaScript)

£55000 - £65000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: C# Developer (...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Damaged copies of Islam's holy book the Koran lie on the rubble from a destroyed mosque following an Israeli military strike in the Nusseirat refugee camp in the central Gaza Strip  

Why doesn't the media ever mention the lack of progress in the Middle East?

Robert Fisk
David Cameron at a recent event  

Cameron is under pressure to misrepresent the Tory party as a reflection of the electorate

Matthew Norman
Iraq crisis: How Saudi Arabia helped Isis take over the north of the country

How Saudi Arabia helped Isis take over northern Iraq

A speech by an ex-MI6 boss hints at a plan going back over a decade. In some areas, being Shia is akin to being a Jew in Nazi Germany, says Patrick Cockburn
The evolution of Andy Serkis: First Gollum, then King Kong - now the actor is swinging through the trees in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

The evolution of Andy Serkis

First Gollum, then King Kong - now the actor is swinging through the trees in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
You thought 'Benefits Street' was controversial: Follow-up documentary 'Immigrant Street' has got locals worried

You thought 'Benefits Street' was controversial...

Follow-up documentary 'Immigrant Street' has got locals worried
Refugee children from Central America let down by Washington's high ideals

Refugee children let down by Washington's high ideals

Democrats and Republicans refuse to set aside their differences to cope with the influx of desperate Central Americas, says Rupert Cornwell
Children's books are too white, says Laureate

Children's books are too white, says Laureate

Malorie Blackman appeals for a better ethnic mix of authors and characters and the illustrator Quentin Blake comes to the rescue
Blackest is the new black: Scientists have developed a material so dark that you can't see it...

Blackest is the new black

Scientists have developed a material so dark that you can't see it...
Matthew Barzun: America's diplomatic dude

Matthew Barzun: America's diplomatic dude

The US Ambassador to London holds 'jeans and beer' gigs at his official residence – it's all part of the job, he tells Chris Green
Meet the Quantified Selfers: From heart rates to happiness, there is little this fast-growing, self-tracking community won't monitor

Meet the 'Quantified Selfers'

From heart rates to happiness, there is little this fast-growing, self-tracking community won't monitor
Madani Younis: Five-star reviews are just the opening act for British theatre's first non-white artistic director

Five-star reviews are just the opening act for British theatre's first non-white artistic director

Madani Younis wants the neighbourhood to follow his work as closely as his audiences do
Mrs Brown and her boys: are they having a laugh?

Mrs Brown and her boys: are they having a laugh?

When it comes to national stereotyping, the Irish – among others – know it can pay to play up to outsiders' expectations, says DJ Taylor
Gavin Maxwell's bitter legacy: Was the otter man the wildlife champion he appeared to be?

Otter man Gavin Maxwell's bitter legacy

The aristocrat's eccentric devotion to his pets inspired a generation. But our greatest living nature writer believes his legacy has been quite toxic
Joanna Rowsell: The World Champion cyclist on breaking her collarbone, shattering her teeth - and dealing with alopecia

Joanna Rowsell: 'I wear my wig to look normal'

The World Champion cyclist on breaking her collarbone, shattering her teeth - and dealing with alopecia
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef gives raw ingredients a lift with his quick marinades

Bill Granger's quick and delicious marinades

Our chef's marinades are great for weekend barbecuing, but are also a delicious way of injecting flavour into, and breaking the monotony of, weekday meals
Germany vs Argentina World Cup 2014 preview: Why Brazilians don't love their neighbours Argentina any more

Anyone but Argentina – why Brazilians don’t love their neighbours any more

The hosts will be supporting Germany in today's World Cup final, reports Alex Bellos
The Open 2014: Time again to ask that major question - can Lee Westwood win at last?

The Open 2014

Time again to ask that major question - can Lee Westwood win at last?