Hurricane Jude: You came, you saw and, er, that was it

Share

This half- term break has been utterly blighted by "Hurricane Jude". I cancelled all plans at the beginning of the week, lest my daughter be carried off in a 72mph gust of wind the moment she stepped a tiny foot outside.

I stockpiled crayons, Play-Doh, DVDs; an armoury of indoor boredom- busters to be used away from windows and walls to minimise the threat of falling masonry.

I hung up the car keys and offered my regrets to family and friends. We would not be partaking of outdoor activities of any description until the tempest passed.

Then my daughter and I sat back and waited. We are still waiting, in fact.

The flaw in my plan was a question of geography. For, despite the headlines that screamed at us from every newsagent, supermarket, and petrol station shelf, despite Huw Edwards' solemn verdict on the news each evening, we live in County Durham. And whilst Jude has wrought devastation down South, up here she registered as a slight breeze rippling through the trees. Barely enough to dislodge a conker. Vast swathes of the country north of Wapping were completely unaffected by deadly Jude.

The start of our week of self-imposed incarceration was touted as fun. How many places could we find to hide in our minuscule two-up-two-down house? What different pictorial interpretations could we find for that crack in the ceiling? Tinned beans for supper again, darling?

By Thursday, though, my daughter was a little antsy. She knew something was up. There are only so many ways to manipulate Play-Doh, and once the script of Madagascar has been learnt by heart, the film loses much of its appeal. So, I ventured a moistened finger outside to test wind speed and direction.

Grudgingly, I conceded that the front garden might be back within bounds. Trick or treating that evening, however, was still subject to review. Others, it seemed, were defying headlines and taking tentative steps outside. Some crazed fools even got into their cars and drove out of the village. Yet my innate caution, and dogged belief in anything the media tells me, did not permit me to reinstate any plans.

However, come evening my daughter had donned her cat costume and was mewling at the door to get out. We did a swift circuit of the block – long enough to collect a slack handful of Haribo – before returning to the safety of the lounge.

This weekend, though, I have had to release the hatches and accept that the weather I see outside the window is actually on live stream and not a Truman Show-style fabrication. I have also vowed not to look at the national headlines, or pay any further heed to Huw.

That said, latest reports do suggest gales are set to continue this month, and that they are almost definitely probably heading north. It is not yet clear what arbitrary level of hysteria is being advised in relation to this news, but perhaps I will get to use my stockpiled toy stash after all.

Lucie Brownlee blogs at: wifeafterdeath.com/

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Digital Content Manager

£26000 - £31000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Digital Content Manager is re...

Recruitment Genius: Senior .Net Application Developer

£40000 - £60000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic opportunity...

Recruitment Genius: Office Administrator

£14000 - £17500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: The successful applicant will b...

Recruitment Genius: Continuous Improvement Manager

£41500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company is going through a period o...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

If I were Prime Minister: I would tackle our looming dementia crisis

Susan Greenfield
 

Letters: NHS data-sharing is good for patients

Independent Voices
Isis hostage crisis: The prisoner swap has only one purpose for the militants - recognition its Islamic State exists and that foreign nations acknowledge its power

Isis hostage crisis

The prisoner swap has only one purpose for the militants - recognition its Islamic State exists and that foreign nations acknowledge its power, says Robert Fisk
Missing salvage expert who found $50m of sunken treasure before disappearing, tracked down at last

The runaway buccaneers and the ship full of gold

Salvage expert Tommy Thompson found sunken treasure worth millions. Then he vanished... until now
Homeless Veterans appeal: ‘If you’re hard on the world you are hard on yourself’

Homeless Veterans appeal: ‘If you’re hard on the world you are hard on yourself’

Maverick artist Grayson Perry backs our campaign
Assisted Dying Bill: I want to be able to decide about my own death - I want to have control of my life

Assisted Dying Bill: 'I want control of my life'

This week the Assisted Dying Bill is debated in the Lords. Virginia Ironside, who has already made plans for her own self-deliverance, argues that it's time we allowed people a humane, compassionate death
Move over, kale - cabbage is the new rising star

Cabbage is king again

Sophie Morris banishes thoughts of soggy school dinners and turns over a new leaf
11 best winter skin treats

Give your moisturiser a helping hand: 11 best winter skin treats

Get an extra boost of nourishment from one of these hard-working products
Paul Scholes column: The more Jose Mourinho attempts to influence match officials, the more they are likely to ignore him

Paul Scholes column

The more Jose Mourinho attempts to influence match officials, the more they are likely to ignore him
Frank Warren column: No cigar, but pots of money: here come the Cubans

Frank Warren's Ringside

No cigar, but pots of money: here come the Cubans
Isis hostage crisis: Militant group stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

Isis stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

The jihadis are being squeezed militarily and economically, but there is no sign of an implosion, says Patrick Cockburn
Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action

Virtual reality: Seeing is believing

Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action
Homeless Veterans appeal: MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’

Homeless Veterans appeal

MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’ to help
Larry David, Steve Coogan and other comedians share stories of depression in new documentary

Comedians share stories of depression

The director of the new documentary, Kevin Pollak, tells Jessica Barrett how he got them to talk
Has The Archers lost the plot with it's spicy storylines?

Has The Archers lost the plot?

A growing number of listeners are voicing their discontent over the rural soap's spicy storylines; so loudly that even the BBC's director-general seems worried, says Simon Kelner
English Heritage adds 14 post-war office buildings to its protected lists

14 office buildings added to protected lists

Christopher Beanland explores the underrated appeal of these palaces of pen-pushing
Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

Scientists unearthed the cranial fragments from Manot Cave in West Galilee