If you ask me...They're after me for the death of Diana. And with very good reason

Nothing and no one is safe from the conspiracy theorists' accusations apart from perhaps, Ben Fogle, as it’s just impossible to believe he could get up to such a thing

Share

You may well wonder where I’ve been for the past week and because we are close, you and I, I will tell you: I’ve been on the run. I’ve been on the run from Scotland Yard and I’ve been on the run from MI6 and I’ve been on the run from Mohamed Al-Fayed and I’ve been on the run from The Daily Express and, because I have come to trust you over the years, I will tell you for why: they’re after me for the death of Princess Diana. I just know it.

Conspiracy theorists have already tried to stick it on Prince Philip, the Queen, the paparazzi, the security services and, most recently, the SAS, so I know it is only a matter of time before my name came into the frame.

“I’m off,” I told my husband, “and if anyone asks for me, say you have absolutely no idea of my whereabouts.”

“Answer me straight,” he said. “Did you kill Princess Diana?”

“I did not,” I said, “but if there are groups of people hell-bent on proving the Paris car crash was an organised assassination rather than a tragic accident they are not going to be satisfied until every person has been pursued and investigated.”

As it is, Mr Fayed, on the anniversary of Diana and Dodi’s death each year, gives an all-night, 12-hour, candlelit reading from any random phone book of those he believes were involved in the conspiracy. One year, he even mistakenly took up a take-away menu and insisted a lamb jalfrezi did it, as well as an aloo gobi and a garlic nan! (“Nan Killed Diana,” ran the Daily Express headline). So nothing and no one is safe apart from perhaps, Ben Fogle, as it’s just impossible to believe he could get  up to  such a thing, or our cat, Basil, who wasn’t born at the time, although this may not rule him out in due course.

It may not, ultimately, even rule him out as the father of the unborn, non-existent baby Diana was carrying. Every premature death is a tragedy, but to die when you are carrying an unborn, non-existent baby? Heartbreaking.

My husband waved me off, sadly. I don’t know when, or even if, we’ll see each other again and, as I hide, waiting for the theorists to move on, I hope he’ll be all right. I think he will, as he has his hobbies, which include faking photographs of the 1969 moon landings, plus, when he has the time, writing blogs ridiculing the findings of climate change scientists. “It’s nothing anyone would ever take seriously,” he always says, “but it amuses me.”

Twitter: @deborahross

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Project Implementation Executive

£18000 - £23000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They work with major vehicle ma...

Recruitment Genius: Chiropractic Assistant

£16500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Chiropractic Assistant is needed in a ...

Recruitment Genius: Digital Account Executive - Midlands

£18000 - £26000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They work with major vehicle ma...

Recruitment Genius: Web Developer

£28000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company provides coaching ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
With an eye for strategy: Stephen Fry’s General Melchett and Rowan Atkinson’s Edmund Blackadder  

What Cameron really needs is to turn this into a khaki election

Matthew Norman
An Italian policeman stands guard as migrants eat while waiting at the port of Lampedusa to board a ferry bound for Porto Empedocle in Sicily. Authorities on the Italian island of Lampedusa struggled to cope with a huge influx of newly-arrived migrants as aid organisations warned the Libya crisis means thousands more could be on their way  

Migrant boat disaster: EU must commit funds to stop many more dying

Alistair Dawber
NHS struggling to monitor the safety and efficacy of its services outsourced to private providers

Who's monitoring the outsourced NHS services?

A report finds that private firms are not being properly assessed for their quality of care
Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

The Tory MP said he did not want to stand again unless his party's manifesto ruled out a third runway. But he's doing so. Watch this space
How do Greek voters feel about Syriza's backtracking on its anti-austerity pledge?

How do Greeks feel about Syriza?

Five voters from different backgrounds tell us what they expect from Syriza's charismatic leader Alexis Tsipras
From Iraq to Libya and Syria: The wars that come back to haunt us

The wars that come back to haunt us

David Cameron should not escape blame for his role in conflicts that are still raging, argues Patrick Cockburn
Sam Baker and Lauren Laverne: Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

A new website is trying to declutter the internet to help busy women. Holly Williams meets the founders
Heston Blumenthal to cook up a spice odyssey for British astronaut manning the International Space Station

UK's Major Tum to blast off on a spice odyssey

Nothing but the best for British astronaut as chef Heston Blumenthal cooks up his rations
John Harrison's 'longitude' clock sets new record - 300 years on

‘Longitude’ clock sets new record - 300 years on

Greenwich horologists celebrate as it keeps to within a second of real time over a 100-day test
Fears in the US of being outgunned in the vital propaganda wars by Russia, China - and even Isis - have prompted a rethink on overseas broadcasters

Let the propaganda wars begin - again

'Accurate, objective, comprehensive': that was Voice of America's creed, but now its masters want it to promote US policy, reports Rupert Cornwell
Why Japan's incredible long-distance runners will never win the London Marathon

Japan's incredible long-distance runners

Every year, Japanese long-distance runners post some of the world's fastest times – yet, come next weekend, not a single elite competitor from the country will be at the London Marathon
Why does Tom Drury remain the greatest writer you've never heard of?

Tom Drury: The quiet American

His debut was considered one of the finest novels of the past 50 years, and he is every bit the equal of his contemporaries, Jonathan Franzen, Dave Eggers and David Foster Wallace
You should judge a person by how they peel a potato

You should judge a person by how they peel a potato

Dave Hax's domestic tips are reminiscent of George Orwell's tea routine. The world might need revolution, but we like to sweat the small stuff, says DJ Taylor
Beige is back: The drab car colours of the 1970s are proving popular again

Beige to the future

Flares and flounce are back on catwalks but a revival in ’70s car paintjobs was a stack-heeled step too far – until now
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef's dishes highlight the delicate essence of fresh cheeses

Bill Granger cooks with fresh cheeses

More delicate on the palate, milder, fresh cheeses can also be kinder to the waistline
Aston Villa vs Liverpool: 'This FA Cup run has been wonderful,' says veteran Shay Given

Shay Given: 'This FA Cup run has been wonderful'

The Villa keeper has been overlooked for a long time and has unhappy memories of the national stadium – but he is savouring his chance to play at Wembley
Timeless drama of Championship race in league of its own - Michael Calvin

Michael Calvin's Last Word

Timeless drama of Championship race in league of its own