Apparently God made October 4 ‘Improve your Office day’, which came, I think, somewhere between the Seventh Day and ‘Steak and Blowjob Day’.
So, lest we forget to observe this all important calendric event, bestowed upon us by the God of public relations and marketing, here are my top ten tips to improve your office:
Come to work wearing no shoes and go barefooted throughout the day. You will feel naturally more creative and entrepreneurial, after all that’s how we used to live in the old days, right? And that’s when we invented fire and the wheel.
Have a no gossip day. People will find that the positive atmosphere is really fulfilling and the silence surprisingly productive.
Lead your colleagues in a group meditation. Get them to empty their minds of all thoughts and focus intently on the now. Throughout the day give them short, sharp reminders that bring them back to a state of concentrated awareness that is deeply rooted in the present.
Re-organise the office space in accordance with the principles of the ancient Chinese art of Feng Shui – actually pronounced “FUNG – SHWAY”. Then try moving the desks, chairs, water-coolers and filing cabinets around until it ‘feels right’. Find the spot in the office that is ‘your spot’.
Play a game of ‘dares’. See who can come up with the wackiest dares and – more importantly – who is crazy enough to actually do them. I once saw someone run into the CEO’s office and tell them to kiss their arse.
Bring your children to work. What is more fresh, fun, creative and inspiring than the padding of tiny feet on lino and the sound of muted laughter from ‘neath the desks?
Set aside a corner of the office as the creative zone. Fill it with all manner of fun, sensory objects like beach balls, balloons, space hoppers and other vaguely round things filled with air. Take off your shoes (see tip 1) when entering this zone for a super-creative vibe. Alternatively lock the children in it if you feel people are becoming too firmly rooted in the present (see tip 6).
If you work in the same soulless constellation of ‘business units’ that I do, petition to get the nearby sewage treatment works shut down and the air conditioning system unlinked to the café next door so that your day isn’t an endless sensory merry-go-round of decomposing human s**t and frying bacon.