Rant

Another survey of the habits of drivers shows yet again that we are all hypocrites when it comes to our cars. Just like the polls showing that almost everybody is a better than average driver (in our own heads), this one from confused.com and the road-safety charity Brake is an interesting study in statistics. Forty-six per cent of drivers think that "Baby on Board" signs obscure vision. Meanwhile, 46 per cent of parents who display a "Baby on Board" sign do not remove it when the child is not in the car. (What a fun joke to play on the emergency services.) Eighty per cent of "Baby on Board" users believe the signs improve safety. But anecdotal evidence suggests they cause accidents. There are no figures for "Perfect Angel on Board" signs; or "Little Miss Naughty on Board"; or for "Cornishmen do it dreckly", but I'd bet these Smug Stickers are likely to get you rear-ended. Such humble-brags are for Facebook friends, not fellow road users. Whaddya want, a medal?

Rave

"Taking to Twitter" is the modern equivalent of hitting the bottle in the face of frustrations, and it was in this spirit that Bret Easton Ellis hit the social networking site last week to complain bitterly about Fifty Shades of Grey, the movie. Not that it is being made, but that he has been overlooked as screenwriter in favour of British writer and actress Kelly Marcel. "Kelly Marcel?!? KELLY MARCEL?!? … THIS is the movie they want to make? ARGH", twote the literary genius. Another way to look at it is: if they must make a film of Fifty Shades of Grey, at least they're not letting Bret anywhere near it.