The man who shot off his own penis...and other bizarre accidents

From passionate kisses that burst eardrums, to kicking a cactus barefoot, here's a collection of rather odd incidents

Share

It was reported today that a security guard accidentally shot off his own penis with a handgun.

The hospital guard in Trinidad and Tobago was found sitting in a car bleeding from his groin after residents had reported hearing gunshots.

To add to the unfortunate man’s woes, it was discovered that he didn’t have a licence for the gun and will be charged with illegal possession of a firearm once he gets out of hospital where he is being watched by armed guards – armed guards who are presumably having an immense amount of fun waving their guns around in front of him and recreating the accident.

Perhaps the unlucky victim will find solace in the fact that he is not the only person in history to injure themselves in a strange or silly manner. So, with this in mind, I have provided a round up of some of the world’s weirdest accidents and injuries.

Sex is always a good place to start. There are several obvious and sometimes messy risks attendant upon the universal act but there are some injuries you just wouldn’t expect. This was the case with a woman who admitted on a forum to knocking herself out when the sex swing on which she was straddling her husband collapsed on top of them. The woman, who evidently has a sense of humour, blamed the accident on a missing stud...

Another man on the same forum blamed a foot injury on his wife being too good at oral sex. He said on the discussion board for married couples:

“I think I curled my toes so hard that I broke my own foot!”

Even this, however, doesn’t compare to the weirdness of the Chinese woman who went temporarily deaf after a passionate kiss reduced the air pressure in her mouth so much that it burst her eardrum. Following the accident, Chinese doctors apparently issued a statement advising kissing couples to “proceed with caution”.

Sex of course isn’t the only pleasure that comes with attendant risks. Drinking can be hazardous too. There are thousands of possible ways to injure yourself where beer is involved but you’d be forgiven – wrongly as it turns out – for ignoring the threat of drowning in it. However this is exactly what happened to several people in London in 1814 when 550,000 gallons (4.4 million pints) of beer escaped from cracked vats at the Meux and Company Brewery. The tidal wave of beer destroyed two houses and knocked down the wall of a local pub. Eight people sadly even died in the flood. It’s not reported what the survivors did but I imagine they didn’t find it difficult to drown their sorrows.

Sport is another dangerous pastime and professional sport is simply littered with injuries. As a football manager, for example, you’d expect to lose several players over the course of a season to various twists, strains, snaps and breakages. You might not be so happy though if your star striker injured his back whilst blow-drying his hair, which is exactly what happened to hockey star Manny Fernandez.

Similarly you wouldn’t be over the moon if one of your players badly burned himself by ironing his shirt whilst wearing it, as did baseball ace John Smoltz. Baseball doesn’t seem to attract the brightest of sparks as proved by fellow player Adam Eaton who stabbed himself in the hand while trying to open a DVD case with a steak knife or another star, Jimmy Gobble, who injured himself by kicking a cactus barefoot. None of which quite matches the embarrassment surely felt by the aptly named American football player, Robert Pratt, who collapsed with a pulled hamstring while running out for the pre-match coin toss.

On the subject of which, a coin toss has never had such far-reaching consequences as the one which sealed the fate of an entire football team from the Democratic Republic of Congo. All eleven players were killed by a lightning strike, which reportedly left the other team completely unscathed.

Dying, of course, is bad enough but being proved wrong at the same time must be hard to take, as was the case for a Canadian lawyer who hurled himself out of a 24 floor window in Toronto while demonstrating to a group of visiting law students the ‘unbreakable’ nature of the glass. A lesson there for all of us, I think, about not tempting fate.

Another lesson might be that your greatest strength can also be your greatest weakness, as was learnt by Austrian Hans Steininger, owner of the world’s longest beard. He trod on the offending growth one day and broke his own neck.

But the costliest slip up of all time has to go to Napoleon Bonaparte. It is hotly debated whether the incident actually happened but some sources claim that 1,200 prisoners were killed by mistake when the French Emperor, who had been suffering from a cough, snorted: “Ma sacre toux” or “my damn cough”. Officers, who had been awaiting his orders on the subject, thought they heard the words “massacre tous”, meaning “kill them all”, which they promptly did.

Still, I’m sure they all had a good old chuckle about it when they realised their mistake...

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Project Implementation Executive

£18000 - £23000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They work with major vehicle ma...

Recruitment Genius: Chiropractic Assistant

£16500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Chiropractic Assistant is needed in a ...

Recruitment Genius: Digital Account Executive - Midlands

£18000 - £26000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They work with major vehicle ma...

Recruitment Genius: Web Developer

£28000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company provides coaching ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Errors & Omissions: how to spell BBQ and other linguistic irregularities

Guy Keleny
 

South Africa's race problem is less between black and white than between poor blacks and immigrants from sub-Saharan Africa

John Carlin
NHS struggling to monitor the safety and efficacy of its services outsourced to private providers

Who's monitoring the outsourced NHS services?

A report finds that private firms are not being properly assessed for their quality of care
Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

The Tory MP said he did not want to stand again unless his party's manifesto ruled out a third runway. But he's doing so. Watch this space
How do Greek voters feel about Syriza's backtracking on its anti-austerity pledge?

How do Greeks feel about Syriza?

Five voters from different backgrounds tell us what they expect from Syriza's charismatic leader Alexis Tsipras
From Iraq to Libya and Syria: The wars that come back to haunt us

The wars that come back to haunt us

David Cameron should not escape blame for his role in conflicts that are still raging, argues Patrick Cockburn
Sam Baker and Lauren Laverne: Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

A new website is trying to declutter the internet to help busy women. Holly Williams meets the founders
Heston Blumenthal to cook up a spice odyssey for British astronaut manning the International Space Station

UK's Major Tum to blast off on a spice odyssey

Nothing but the best for British astronaut as chef Heston Blumenthal cooks up his rations
John Harrison's 'longitude' clock sets new record - 300 years on

‘Longitude’ clock sets new record - 300 years on

Greenwich horologists celebrate as it keeps to within a second of real time over a 100-day test
Fears in the US of being outgunned in the vital propaganda wars by Russia, China - and even Isis - have prompted a rethink on overseas broadcasters

Let the propaganda wars begin - again

'Accurate, objective, comprehensive': that was Voice of America's creed, but now its masters want it to promote US policy, reports Rupert Cornwell
Why Japan's incredible long-distance runners will never win the London Marathon

Japan's incredible long-distance runners

Every year, Japanese long-distance runners post some of the world's fastest times – yet, come next weekend, not a single elite competitor from the country will be at the London Marathon
Why does Tom Drury remain the greatest writer you've never heard of?

Tom Drury: The quiet American

His debut was considered one of the finest novels of the past 50 years, and he is every bit the equal of his contemporaries, Jonathan Franzen, Dave Eggers and David Foster Wallace
You should judge a person by how they peel a potato

You should judge a person by how they peel a potato

Dave Hax's domestic tips are reminiscent of George Orwell's tea routine. The world might need revolution, but we like to sweat the small stuff, says DJ Taylor
Beige is back: The drab car colours of the 1970s are proving popular again

Beige to the future

Flares and flounce are back on catwalks but a revival in ’70s car paintjobs was a stack-heeled step too far – until now
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef's dishes highlight the delicate essence of fresh cheeses

Bill Granger cooks with fresh cheeses

More delicate on the palate, milder, fresh cheeses can also be kinder to the waistline
Aston Villa vs Liverpool: 'This FA Cup run has been wonderful,' says veteran Shay Given

Shay Given: 'This FA Cup run has been wonderful'

The Villa keeper has been overlooked for a long time and has unhappy memories of the national stadium – but he is savouring his chance to play at Wembley
Timeless drama of Championship race in league of its own - Michael Calvin

Michael Calvin's Last Word

Timeless drama of Championship race in league of its own