Turkey Bear and Cthurky should make vegetarians of us all (but it probably won't)

In reality, I doubt these meaty horrors will put many off their Christmas turkey

I like my bacon, as we’ve established, but I can still sympathise with committed veggies at what must be a particularly difficult time of year. Christmas Day’s centre-piece is a giant roasted bird corpse and the usual alternative is a dry nut roast, which everyone agrees is a sad insult to the art of cookery. With this in mind, Russian Viktor Ivanov and American Rusty Eulberg should be celebrated as two unlikely, but festive champions of vegetarianism.

Ivanov is the creator of the ‘Turkey Bear’, a teddy-bear sewn together from pieces of raw meat (chicken, as it turns out) which is nightmarishly reminiscent of a beloved childhood toy which has been skinned alive. Turkey Bear is, however, cuddly in comparison with Eulberg’s ‘Cthurkey’, which combines a crab, an octopus and the traditional turkey in tribute to ‘Cthulhu’, a tentacled monster created by horror writer HP Lovecraft. Both are apparently edible. 

In theory, one glance at either should instantly convert anyone to vegetarianism. In reality, I doubt they will put many off their Christmas turkey. That’s the shameful truth about most meat-eaters; we already know that eating the flesh of other animals is innately grotesque, not particularly good for the environment and, if done to excess, also bad for your health. But if we hadn’t long-since become completely inured to this reality, we wouldn’t enjoy it so much. 

The art of the insult

In the UK it falls under the Proceeds of Crime Act; in the US it’s known as a ‘Son of Sam’ law, but the measures intended to prevent a criminal from profiting from their crime have been ineffectual in the case of George Zimmerman, who this weekend sold a painting on eBay for over $100,000.

Unlike most of those amateur painters whose notoriety exceeds their talent, Zimmerman is allowed to keep the money, because he was acquitted of the murder of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin in 2012, albeit in highly controversial circumstances.

Perhaps if Zimmerman had painted a still-life of some flowers, his windfall might be easier to stomach, but the ‘art’ in question is a canvas emblazoned with these bitterly ironic words: “One nation with liberty and justice for all”. 

Zimmerman may not have committed a crime in the eyes of the law, but he’s certainly profiting from a tragic death.