Weddings are great, aren't they? Especially the ones you see on You've Been Framed!, when somebody wearing really brash Eighties fashions attempts a dangerously ambitious dance move and ends up collapsed on the shiny dancefloor.
I find myself snorting with laughter and also thinking, I wish I was at that wedding, it looks so fun. Because that, for me, is what weddings represent: intoxicated shenanigans, with high chance of injury; rather than all that hearts, flowers and romance stuff.
Don't get me wrong, I am a romantic and, if pressed and in the right situation (ie, a loving relationship that lasts longer than 2.5 weeks and doesn't end via text message), I think I would like to get married.
After years of several long-term but unwed unions and then sloshing around in what can only be described as the romantic slops for the past few years, making that sort of commitment would feel special, different. Crucially, it would set apart that relationship from all the others.
That being said, it is not exactly a long-held ambition of mine – something I feel I absolutely must do in this game of life – but rather a discreet "I could see myself doing that" without the arrogance/ assumption that it's definitely going to happen.
I think some people, mainly women, see marriage as a life plan non-negotiable, with the wedding day as something to be ever fantasised. I run kicking and screaming from that sort of talk, which is probably why, when it comes down to it, I'm more You've Been Framed! than You and Your Wedding. It's more honest.
If I had to choose something that could creep on to a Pinterest-style nuptials mood board for My Big Day, it would be a black-and-white photograph of my happy-and-windswept mum and dad on their wedding day. A photograph that stands framed on my dining table – a permanent fixture in my everyday life.
They look classically chic in the pictures because it was 1967, when straight lines and non-stupid lapels were de rigueur.
They had a quick service at the local church, a buffet and sherry reception at 'The Grand' cinema in Huddersfield town centre, before whizzing off for a three-night honeymoon in London. No frills, no fuss, undoubtedly cool. They've been happily married for 47 years now.