Who knew that the great ambition of Dappy, Tulisa Contostavlos' spirited cousin and N-Dubz bandmate, is to host a fishing show on television?
Dappy seems an unlikely successor to JR Hartley. Where the Yellow Pages' frontman was a kindly old gent who scoured antiquarian bookshops in search of a copy of his own Fly Fishing tome, Dappy is… Well, suffice it to say that there is no record of Mr Hartley taking a break from the riverbank to embark on 100 hours of community service for spitting in women's faces on a night out in Chelmsford, or being removed from a plane by armed police after allegedly threatening fellow passengers. Nor did JR Hartley take such umbrage at a critical text from a listener to Chris Moyles' Radio 1 show that he secretly copied the texter's number and began his response to her: "Your gonna die. U sent a very bad msg towards Ndubz… and for that reason * will never be left alone!!!"
Yet there is a sweeter side to the 25-year-old, whose trial for affray, allegedly occasioned on a Guildford petrol station forecourt after two young women declined the offer of a date, has been happily postponed until January. He caught the fishing bug when his father, the late Byron, took him to Hampstead Lake. "I've got that vibe. I've got that whole thing. I've got that in me , man… I love fishing," as he puts it. "You see Robson Green? He can go to bed." This 'go to bed' phrase hints at a desire for Mr Green, the actor and singer with his own extreme fishing show on Channel 5, to sleep for an extremely long time (if not necessarily with the fishes). "I'm going to make my own TV show," continued Dappy, "I'm going to wipe him [Green] out… I'm going to say 'Keep Fishing Real'. You get it? Like fishing reel."
Dappy's particular piscine passion is for carp, which is not only an anagram of the musical material through which cousin Tulisa wades on The X Factor, but an oily freshwater fish of the family Cyprinidae.
Sadly, the fishing DVD that Dappy and Tulisa promised for last Christmas (they have since fallen out on Twitter, as one does), much like the telly show, has come to nothing. But no one would risk publicly dissing Dappy's chances of becoming the world's most celebrated angler since Captain Ahab. For now though, both Robson Green and the ghost of JR Hartley may relax.