Deborah Ross: Now let's all play at being Sarah Lund

If you ask me...

Share
Related Topics

If you ask me, although 400,000 people must be wondering how they will get through Saturday nights now the Danish crime thriller The Killing has finished its BBC4 run, there is an answer, and the answer is this: you can spend the time playing Being Sarah Lund, a great game for all the family, up there with Ludo, but with slightly more of an emphasis on abduction, rape, murder and a certain Scandinavian gloom.

You may even wish to get in the mood right now by saying: "What am I doing this Saturday night? I'm planning to gloomily solve one more case before gloomily moving to Sweden." Whether you say this while eating cold left-overs from a pan is entirely up to you. The strict rules have yet to be drawn up, although Waddingtons do hope to have them ready for Christmas.

Anyway, to play Being Sarah Lund you will certainly need the following: nicotine gum; a chunky-knit Faroe sweater of the kind that will miraculously mend itself after you've been stabbed in the arm (check the label; it should say if it will miraculously re-knit itself); a great arse in jeans. If you do not have a great arse in jeans, do not despair, as you can compensate by, for example, being off-hand with your mother even though she is only trying to help and seems quite nice, actually. This is just as Sarah Lund, if not more so.

Now you have all the essential items in place you will need to behave in a Lund-ish way, which may mean calling in forensics at the drop of a hat, spotting the one detail everyone else has missed – bar the toilet in that political party's flat, for some reason – and infuriating everyone. If you suspect you are not infuriating enough, say you are definitely going to make it to your own house-warming party, and then don't.

Meanwhile, you must not do any of the following: smile, laugh, stop to put on lipstick, neurotically obsess over your life choices, finally use that spa voucher, or pick up a copy of Hello! and say: "The investigation can do without me today. I'm putting my feet up and then making banana bread for mum, Mark and Bengt. I don't know what I'd do without them."

I hope you will enjoy this game as much as we do, although do remember this: beware the avuncular fellow who wants to buy your boys a puppy. He could be a creep.

(Next Week: a cut out and keep picture of Troels with his top off! Yay! )

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

SSRS Report Developer - Urgent Contract - London - £300pd

£300 Per Annum: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: SSRS Report Developer – 3 Mon...

KS1 Teacher

£95 - £150 per day: Randstad Education Birmingham: Key Stage 1 teacher require...

HR Business Partner - Essex - £39,000 plus benefits

£32000 - £39000 per annum + benefits + bonus: Ashdown Group: Generalist HR Man...

Trainee Recruitment Consultant

£18000 - £30000 per annum + uncapped: SThree: Do you feel like your sales role...

Day In a Page

Read Next
The Lord Mayor of London Fiona Woolf heads the inquiry  

Why should Fiona Woolf be expected to remember every dinner date?

Mark Steel
Several police officers walk near downtown Ottawa  

Nigel Farage on the Ottawa shooting: It could just as easily happen on the streets of London

Nigel Farage
How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?

A crime that reveals London's dark heart

How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?
Meet 'Porridge' and 'Vampire': Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker

Lost in translation: Western monikers

Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker. Simon Usborne, who met a 'Porridge' and a 'Vampire' while in China, can see the problem
Handy hacks that make life easier: New book reveals how to rid your inbox of spam, protect your passwords and amplify your iPhone

Handy hacks that make life easier

New book reveals how to rid your email inbox of spam, protect your passwords and amplify your iPhone with a loo-roll
KidZania lets children try their hands at being a firefighter, doctor or factory worker for the day

KidZania: It's a small world

The new 'educational entertainment experience' in London's Shepherd's Bush will allow children to try out the jobs that are usually undertaken by adults, including firefighter, doctor or factory worker
Renée Zellweger's real crime has been to age in an industry that prizes women's youth over humanity

'Renée Zellweger's real crime was to age'

The actress's altered appearance raised eyebrows at Elle's Women in Hollywood awards on Monday
From Cinderella to The Jungle Book, Disney plans live-action remakes of animated classics

Disney plans live-action remakes of animated classics

From Cinderella to The Jungle Book, Patrick Grafton-Green wonders if they can ever recapture the old magic
Thousands of teenagers to visit battlefields of the First World War in new Government scheme

Pupils to visit First World War battlefields

A new Government scheme aims to bring the the horrors of the conflict to life over the next five years
The 10 best smartphone accessories

Make the most of your mobile: 10 best smartphone accessories

Try these add-ons for everything from secret charging to making sure you never lose your keys again
Mario Balotelli substituted at half-time against Real Madrid: Was this shirt swapping the real reason?

Liverpool v Real Madrid

Mario Balotelli substituted at half-time. Was shirt swapping the real reason?
West Indies tour of India: Hurricane set to sweep Windies into the shadows

Hurricane set to sweep Windies into the shadows

Decision to pull out of India tour leaves the WICB fighting for its existence with an off-field storm building
Indiana serial killer? Man arrested for murdering teenage prostitute confesses to six other murders - and police fear there could be many more

A new American serial killer?

Police fear man arrested for murder of teen prostitute could be responsible for killing spree dating back 20 years
Sweetie, the fake 10-year-old girl designed to catch online predators, claims her first scalp

Sting to trap paedophiles may not carry weight in UK courts

Computer image of ‘Sweetie’ represented entrapment, experts say
Fukushima nuclear crisis: Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on - and may never return home

Return to Fukushima – a land they will never call home again

Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on from nuclear disaster
Wildlife Photographer of the Year: Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize

Wildlife Photographer of the Year

Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize
Online petitions: Sign here to change the world

Want to change the world? Just sign here

The proliferation of online petitions allows us to register our protests at the touch of a button. But do they change anything?