Deborah Ross: At last! The must-have, to-die-for Deb bag

If you ask me...

Share

If you ask me, to celebrate the launch of Victoria Beckham's Harper bag, and having given up on anyone creating a handbag named after me, I have personally decided to launch the Deb bag.

I've already, I believe, fulfilled the first requirement of this particular market by pricing it at £10,000, which sounds steep, and is steep, but if you can afford one, it will save you from having to go about with a billboard saying: "I can afford to spend £10,000 on a stupid handbag." Such billboards are heavy and cumbersome, only come in a limited range of colours, and are therefore not the best way to show yourself up as the sort of person who has more money than sense and doesn't mind advertising as much.

I have worked hard on the Deb, which looks just like what it is, a bag, with a strap and a zip and everything – looks just like any other bag, in fact – but I can assure you it is made with the finest, most exclusive materials. These materials include puppy skins (so silky!), kittens' ears (for pocketing), crocodile eyelashes (stitching) and the hopes and dreams of small children.

It is always a shame, robbing children of their hopes and dreams, but at least, I would argue, they don't have to worry about having them dashed in adulthood. This is inevitable, particularly when they realise we live in the sort of crazed world where a Birkin can cost £100,000 and quite a number of women proudly clutch their Louis Vuitton bags as if it were still 1985, and they don't look like idiots. (I would also like to add, before the complaints come flooding in, that our children are always given enough room to turn around, access to the outdoors for 30 minutes every other Wednesday, and fresh water almost weekly which is, actually, above and beyond what the law demands.)

Of course, Peaches Geldof has already been on the phone trying to blag a Deb, which Grazia has decreed a "must-have". A must-have! Like the polio vaccine, but you can put stuff in it! Like a bone marrow transplant for leukaemia sufferers, but there's a special pocket for your phone! However, I am holding out for Gwyneth Paltrow and Sarah Jessica Parker, both of whom, as I understand it, will agree to be pictured exiting LAX airport with one over their shoulder, so long as the price is right, and Beyoncé doesn't sneak in first.

Anyway, please do check into my fashion blog again next week, when I will be discussing stupid, over-priced, oversized, designer sunglasses with myself, as I couldn't find anyone of sane mind who was the slightest bit interested. I thank you.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Guru Careers: Software Developer / C# Developer

£40-50K: Guru Careers: We are seeking an experienced Software / C# Developer w...

Guru Careers: Software Developer

£35 - 40k + Benefits: Guru Careers: We are seeking a Software Developer (JavaS...

SThree: Trainee Recruitment Consultant / Resourcer

£18000 - £23000 per annum + Commission: SThree: As a Trainee Recruitment Consu...

Ashdown Group: UI Developer - (UI, HTML, CSS, JavaScript, AngularJS)

£25000 - £40000 per annum: Ashdown Group: UI Developer - (UI, JavaScript, HTML...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Terry Sue-Patt as Benny in the BBC children’s soap ‘Grange Hill’  

Children's TV shows like Grange Hill used to connect us to the real world

Grace Dent
An Indian bookseller waits for customers at a roadside stall on World Book and Copyright Day in Mumbai  

Novel translation lets us know what is really happening in the world

Boyd Tonkin
Abuse - and the hell that came afterwards

Abuse - and the hell that follows

James Rhodes on the extraordinary legal battle to publish his memoir
Why we need a 'tranquility map' of England, according to campaigners

It's oh so quiet!

The case for a 'tranquility map' of England
'Timeless fashion': It may be a paradox, but the industry loves it

'Timeless fashion'

It may be a paradox, but the industry loves it
If the West needs a bridge to the 'moderates' inside Isis, maybe we could have done with Osama bin Laden staying alive after all

Could have done with Osama bin Laden staying alive?

Robert Fisk on the Fountainheads of World Evil in 2011 - and 2015
New exhibition celebrates the evolution of swimwear

Evolution of swimwear

From bathing dresses in the twenties to modern bikinis
Sun, sex and an anthropological study: One British academic's summer of hell in Magaluf

Sun, sex and an anthropological study

One academic’s summer of hell in Magaluf
From Shakespeare to Rising Damp... to Vicious

Frances de la Tour's 50-year triumph

'Rising Damp' brought De la Tour such recognition that she could be forgiven if she'd never been able to move on. But at 70, she continues to flourish - and to beguile
'That Whitsun, I was late getting away...'

Ian McMillan on the Whitsun Weddings

This weekend is Whitsun, and while the festival may no longer resonate, Larkin's best-loved poem, lives on - along with the train journey at the heart of it
Kathryn Williams explores the works and influences of Sylvia Plath in a new light

Songs from the bell jar

Kathryn Williams explores the works and influences of Sylvia Plath
How one man's day in high heels showed him that Cannes must change its 'no flats' policy

One man's day in high heels

...showed him that Cannes must change its 'flats' policy
Is a quiet crusade to reform executive pay bearing fruit?

Is a quiet crusade to reform executive pay bearing fruit?

Dominic Rossi of Fidelity says his pressure on business to control rewards is working. But why aren’t other fund managers helping?
The King David Hotel gives precious work to Palestinians - unless peace talks are on

King David Hotel: Palestinians not included

The King David is special to Jerusalem. Nick Kochan checked in and discovered it has some special arrangements, too
More people moving from Australia to New Zealand than in the other direction for first time in 24 years

End of the Aussie brain drain

More people moving from Australia to New Zealand than in the other direction for first time in 24 years
Meditation is touted as a cure for mental instability but can it actually be bad for you?

Can meditation be bad for you?

Researching a mass murder, Dr Miguel Farias discovered that, far from bringing inner peace, meditation can leave devotees in pieces
Eurovision 2015: Australians will be cheering on their first-ever entrant this Saturday

Australia's first-ever Eurovision entrant

Australia, a nation of kitsch-worshippers, has always loved the Eurovision Song Contest. Maggie Alderson says it'll fit in fine