Deborah Ross: At last! The must-have, to-die-for Deb bag

If you ask me...

Share

If you ask me, to celebrate the launch of Victoria Beckham's Harper bag, and having given up on anyone creating a handbag named after me, I have personally decided to launch the Deb bag.

I've already, I believe, fulfilled the first requirement of this particular market by pricing it at £10,000, which sounds steep, and is steep, but if you can afford one, it will save you from having to go about with a billboard saying: "I can afford to spend £10,000 on a stupid handbag." Such billboards are heavy and cumbersome, only come in a limited range of colours, and are therefore not the best way to show yourself up as the sort of person who has more money than sense and doesn't mind advertising as much.

I have worked hard on the Deb, which looks just like what it is, a bag, with a strap and a zip and everything – looks just like any other bag, in fact – but I can assure you it is made with the finest, most exclusive materials. These materials include puppy skins (so silky!), kittens' ears (for pocketing), crocodile eyelashes (stitching) and the hopes and dreams of small children.

It is always a shame, robbing children of their hopes and dreams, but at least, I would argue, they don't have to worry about having them dashed in adulthood. This is inevitable, particularly when they realise we live in the sort of crazed world where a Birkin can cost £100,000 and quite a number of women proudly clutch their Louis Vuitton bags as if it were still 1985, and they don't look like idiots. (I would also like to add, before the complaints come flooding in, that our children are always given enough room to turn around, access to the outdoors for 30 minutes every other Wednesday, and fresh water almost weekly which is, actually, above and beyond what the law demands.)

Of course, Peaches Geldof has already been on the phone trying to blag a Deb, which Grazia has decreed a "must-have". A must-have! Like the polio vaccine, but you can put stuff in it! Like a bone marrow transplant for leukaemia sufferers, but there's a special pocket for your phone! However, I am holding out for Gwyneth Paltrow and Sarah Jessica Parker, both of whom, as I understand it, will agree to be pictured exiting LAX airport with one over their shoulder, so long as the price is right, and Beyoncé doesn't sneak in first.

Anyway, please do check into my fashion blog again next week, when I will be discussing stupid, over-priced, oversized, designer sunglasses with myself, as I couldn't find anyone of sane mind who was the slightest bit interested. I thank you.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Austen Lloyd: Senior Private Client Solicitor

Excellent Salary: Austen Lloyd: SURREY - An outstanding high level opportunity...

Austen Lloyd: Construction Solicitor - London

Very Competitive Salary : Austen Lloyd: NICHE CITY FIRM - We are making a disc...

Austen Lloyd: Construction Solicitor - London

Very Competitive Salary : Austen Lloyd: NICHE CITY FIRM - We are making a disc...

Recruitment Genius: Finance Director

£65000 - £80000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Finance Director required to jo...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Should parents be allowed to take pictures at nativity plays?  

Ghosts of Christmas past: What effect could posting pictures of nativity plays have on the next generation?

Ellen E Jones
The first Christmas card: in 1843 the inventor Sir Henry Cole commissioned the artist John Callcott Horsley to draw a card for him to send to family and friends  

Hold your temperance: New life for the first Christmas card

Simmy Richman
The week Hollywood got scared and had to grow up a bit

The week Hollywood got scared and had to grow up a bit

Sony suffered a chorus of disapproval after it withdrew 'The Interview', but it's not too late for it to take a stand, says Joan Smith
From Widow Twankey to Mother Goose, how do the men who play panto dames get themselves ready for the performance of a lifetime?

Panto dames: before and after

From Widow Twankey to Mother Goose, how do the men who play panto dames get themselves ready for the performance of a lifetime?
Thirties murder mystery novel is surprise runaway Christmas hit

Thirties murder mystery novel is surprise runaway Christmas hit

Booksellers say readers are turning away from dark modern thrillers and back to the golden age of crime writing
Anne-Marie Huby: 'Charities deserve the best,' says founder of JustGiving

Anne-Marie Huby: 'Charities deserve the best'

Ten million of us have used the JustGiving website to donate to good causes. Its co-founder says that being dynamic is as important as being kind
The botanist who hunts for giant trees at Kew Gardens

The man who hunts giants

A Kew Gardens botanist has found 25 new large tree species - and he's sure there are more out there
The 12 ways of Christmas: Spare a thought for those who will be working to keep others safe during the festive season

The 12 ways of Christmas

We speak to a dozen people who will be working to keep others safe, happy and healthy over the holidays
Birdwatching men have a lot in common with their feathered friends, new study shows

The male exhibits strange behaviour

A new study shows that birdwatching men have a lot in common with their feathered friends...
Diaries of Evelyn Waugh, Virginia Woolf and Noël Coward reveal how they coped with the December blues

Famous diaries: Christmas week in history

Noël Coward parties into the night, Alan Clark bemoans the cost of servants, Evelyn Waugh ponders his drinking…
From noble to narky, the fall of the open letter

From noble to narky, the fall of the open letter

The great tradition of St Paul and Zola reached its nadir with a hungry worker's rant to Russell Brand, says DJ Taylor
A Christmas ghost story by Alison Moore: A prodigal daughter has a breakthrough

A Christmas ghost story by Alison Moore

The story was published earlier this month in 'Poor Souls' Light: Seven Curious Tales'
Marian Keyes: The author on her pre-approved Christmas, true love's parking implications and living in the moment

Marian Keyes

The author on her pre-approved Christmas, true love's parking implications and living in the moment
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef creates an Italian-inspired fish feast for Christmas Eve

Bill Granger's Christmas Eve fish feast

Bill's Italian friends introduced him to the Roman Catholic custom of a lavish fish supper on Christmas Eve. Here, he gives the tradition his own spin…
Liverpool vs Arsenal: Brendan Rodgers is fighting for his reputation

Rodgers fights for his reputation

Liverpool manager tries to stay on his feet despite waves of criticism
Amir Khan: 'The Taliban can threaten me but I must speak out... innocent kids, killed over nothing. It’s sick in the mind'

Amir Khan attacks the Taliban

'They can threaten me but I must speak out... innocent kids, killed over nothing. It’s sick in the mind'
Michael Calvin: Sepp Blatter is my man of the year in sport. Bring on 2015, quick

Michael Calvin's Last Word

Sepp Blatter is my man of the year in sport. Bring on 2015, quick