Deborah Ross: At last! The must-have, to-die-for Deb bag

If you ask me...

Share

If you ask me, to celebrate the launch of Victoria Beckham's Harper bag, and having given up on anyone creating a handbag named after me, I have personally decided to launch the Deb bag.

I've already, I believe, fulfilled the first requirement of this particular market by pricing it at £10,000, which sounds steep, and is steep, but if you can afford one, it will save you from having to go about with a billboard saying: "I can afford to spend £10,000 on a stupid handbag." Such billboards are heavy and cumbersome, only come in a limited range of colours, and are therefore not the best way to show yourself up as the sort of person who has more money than sense and doesn't mind advertising as much.

I have worked hard on the Deb, which looks just like what it is, a bag, with a strap and a zip and everything – looks just like any other bag, in fact – but I can assure you it is made with the finest, most exclusive materials. These materials include puppy skins (so silky!), kittens' ears (for pocketing), crocodile eyelashes (stitching) and the hopes and dreams of small children.

It is always a shame, robbing children of their hopes and dreams, but at least, I would argue, they don't have to worry about having them dashed in adulthood. This is inevitable, particularly when they realise we live in the sort of crazed world where a Birkin can cost £100,000 and quite a number of women proudly clutch their Louis Vuitton bags as if it were still 1985, and they don't look like idiots. (I would also like to add, before the complaints come flooding in, that our children are always given enough room to turn around, access to the outdoors for 30 minutes every other Wednesday, and fresh water almost weekly which is, actually, above and beyond what the law demands.)

Of course, Peaches Geldof has already been on the phone trying to blag a Deb, which Grazia has decreed a "must-have". A must-have! Like the polio vaccine, but you can put stuff in it! Like a bone marrow transplant for leukaemia sufferers, but there's a special pocket for your phone! However, I am holding out for Gwyneth Paltrow and Sarah Jessica Parker, both of whom, as I understand it, will agree to be pictured exiting LAX airport with one over their shoulder, so long as the price is right, and Beyoncé doesn't sneak in first.

Anyway, please do check into my fashion blog again next week, when I will be discussing stupid, over-priced, oversized, designer sunglasses with myself, as I couldn't find anyone of sane mind who was the slightest bit interested. I thank you.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
SPONSORED FEATURES
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Collections Agent

£18000 - £20000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic opportunity...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Negotiator - OTE £23,000

£13500 - £23000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This award winning, Bolton base...

Recruitment Genius: Client Account Executive

£23000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Client Account Executive is r...

Recruitment Genius: Telemarketing Executive

£7 per hour: Recruitment Genius: Full Time position available now at a growing...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Daily catch-up: the SNP’s ‘fundamental problem’, says Corbyn, is that too many people support it

John Rentoul
An investor looks at an electronic board showing stock information at a brokerage house in Shanghai  

China has exposed the fatal flaws in our liberal economic order

Ann Pettifor
The Silk Roads that trace civilisation: Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places

The Silk Roads that trace civilisation

Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places
House of Lords: Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled

The honours that shame Britain

Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled
When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race

'When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race'

Why are black men living the stereotypes and why are we letting them get away with it?
International Tap Festival: Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic

International Tap Festival comes to the UK

Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic
War with Isis: Is Turkey's buffer zone in Syria a matter of self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

Turkey's buffer zone in Syria: self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

Ankara accused of exacerbating racial division by allowing Turkmen minority to cross the border
Doris Lessing: Acclaimed novelist was kept under MI5 observation for 18 years, newly released papers show

'A subversive brothel keeper and Communist'

Acclaimed novelist Doris Lessing was kept under MI5 observation for 18 years, newly released papers show
Big Blue Live: BBC's Springwatch offshoot swaps back gardens for California's Monterey Bay

BBC heads to the Californian coast

The Big Blue Live crew is preparing for the first of three episodes on Sunday night, filming from boats, planes and an aquarium studio
Austin Bidwell: The Victorian fraudster who shook the Bank of England with the most daring forgery the world had known

Victorian fraudster who shook the Bank of England

Conman Austin Bidwell. was a heartless cad who carried out the most daring forgery the world had known
Car hacking scandal: Security designed to stop thieves hot-wiring almost every modern motor has been cracked

Car hacking scandal

Security designed to stop thieves hot-wiring almost every modern motor has been cracked
10 best placemats

Take your seat: 10 best placemats

Protect your table and dine in style with a bold new accessory
Ashes 2015: Alastair Cook not the only one to be caught in The Oval mindwarp

Cook not the only one to be caught in The Oval mindwarp

Aussie skipper Michael Clarke was lured into believing that what we witnessed at Edgbaston and Trent Bridge would continue in London, says Kevin Garside
Can Rafael Benitez get the best out of Gareth Bale at Real Madrid?

Can Benitez get the best out of Bale?

Back at the club he watched as a boy, the pressure is on Benitez to find a winning blend from Real's multiple talents. As La Liga begins, Pete Jenson asks if it will be enough to stop Barcelona
Athletics World Championships 2015: Beijing witnesses new stage in the Jessica Ennis-Hill and Katarina Johnson-Thompson heptathlon rivalry

Beijing witnesses new stage in the Jess and Kat rivalry

The last time the two British heptathletes competed, Ennis-Hill was on the way to Olympic gold and Johnson-Thompson was just a promising teenager. But a lot has happened in the following three years
Jeremy Corbyn: Joining a shrewd operator desperate for power as he visits the North East

Jeremy Corbyn interview: A shrewd operator desperate for power

His radical anti-austerity agenda has caught the imagination of the left and politically disaffected and set a staid Labour leadership election alight
Isis executes Palmyra antiquities chief: Defender of ancient city's past was killed for protecting its future

Isis executes Palmyra antiquities chief

Robert Fisk on the defender of the ancient city's past who was killed for protecting its future