Deborah Ross: Embarrassing bodies must be hard work

If you ask me...
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The Independent Online

If you ask me, although I worry for all the doctors on Channel 4's Embarrassing Bodies, and how they get up in the mornings – I struggle on the days I know I've got to do my VAT return, so imagine if I were Dr Pixie knowing I had to meet a man who has "suffered from an itchy bum for 20 years"? – I do worry particularly for Dr Christian.

You may think that Dr Christian is fine, if not more than fine. He is a dish. He is posh. He handles himself well. He did not, for example, scream: "F*** ME!" and run from the room when that woman with the prolapsed rectum pushed it out through her anus, and I fell off the sofa. Neither did he shout: "There's no shame, we're all the same... NOT!" and run out of the room when that woman complained about her enlarged labia, and basically thumped it on the table between them, and I fell off the sofa again, which was most annoying, as I'd only just climbed back on to it.

So God bless Dr Christian, who is a total charmer, and a gent, but here's the thing, and here's why I worry: have you noticed how he has been left to run the "penis gallery" entirely on his own? Dr Christian is rightly proud of his penis gallery – I don't think there is another in the country – and is always inviting us to have a look. "Do take a tour of the penis gallery," he implores every week, more or less. But, seriously? He's meant to curate it single-handedly? And run the gift shop where, I'm guessing, the novelty erasers come in all shapes and sizes and run the cafe where, I'm further guessing, the scones may not be perfectly symmetrical, but are more normal than you might think? And he's meant to do all this without any help from Dr Dawn or Dr Pixie at all? Why does Dr Christian put up with it? Why doesn't he say: "Dr Dawn and Dr Pixie, we all work hard trying not to scream 'F*** ME!', so how is it fair that I have the extra burden of running the penis gallery, and always having to be there first thing to open up? If one of you could run the gift shop it would, at least, be a start."

And until Dr Christian gets extra help? I think it's only right that should you visit the penis gallery, at, you leave a tip. Generally, a big fat tip is better than a small, measly tip but, if asked, please, please, please don't say I said so.