I always knew that there was something untrustworthy about Andy Coulson, and now my suspicions have been proven. In his statement on Friday as he resigned as David Cameron's communications chief, he spoke about having given "110 per cent" to the job. A man as clever as Coulson surely knows that there is no such thing. And if he's lying about this, what else might he be hiding?
Call me literal-minded, but it is deeply patronising to talk to an intelligent person about giving any situation more than 100 per cent. We can prove mathematically that there are only 100 portions in this famous cent; only 100 to give. If a person applying for a job with you promised to work eight days a week on it, wouldn't this expose them as a fool or a fraud?
My own policy is to give 100 per cent to any job I undertake, but to subtract a percentage in line with how much of the impossible is demanded of me. Thus, if I am asked to give a task 110 per cent I will immediately reduce my attention to it down to 90. And anyone asking me for 1,000 per cent will find me working against him/her times nine.
Hats off to 19-year-old Betty Kitten Ross, who is coping with impressive aplomb with a sudden, unwanted taste of stardom.
On Tuesday, during an interview on Gaydar Radio, Betty's dad, Jonathan Ross, was asked how he'd feel his daughter came home with a woman. "Well, my oldest daughter is gay, so that's a question that I have dealt with on a regular basis," he replied. At which point the student found herself momentarily as big a news story as Tony Blair, Andy Coulson and Alan Johnson combined.
Newspapers spilled the imaginary beans about "Wossy girl's torment", while Gaydar called her a "beacon of hope". Betty seems bemused by the attention writing "I actually came out three years ago so I'm not that bothered" while tweeting supportive messages to young people who contacted her.
She clearly loves her dad, so I apologise for saying this, but Ross senior is a busted flush – someone give Betty Kitten her own show, quick.