Rebecca Tyrrel: 'Theresa May’s forays into erotica haven’t progressed beyond some lively shoe styles'

Click to follow
The Independent Online

Who knew that there is a soft-porn star called Teresa May? Well, obviously fans of her filmic oeuvre and glamour model shots know this. So does Theresa May, who has received invitations intended for a near namesake who does something no Tory Home Secretary would ever countenance, ie, publicly dropping an 'h' along with her garments. She also provides hot action with a lesbian colleague, in case you are interested.

"We do get telephones calls from time to time," the MP for – ooh er, missus! – Maidenhead once revealed, "from people who want to book me to do programmes which are perhaps not about politics."

Lest confusion linger, let the record show that Theresa's forays into erotica have never progressed beyond wearing some lively shoe styles when berating her own side as "the nasty party" at a conference. Teresa's sorties into home affairs, meanwhile, have been limited to a saucy appearance in the video for Smack My Bitch Up (The Prodigy's 1997 public information film about domestic violence) and a role in Exterminator City, a prophetic movie made long before Theresa flew home to deal with the London riots still clad in holiday sandals.

Given her status as a home-counties Tory goddess, Theresa is surprisingly soft on porn, soft on the causes of porn. "It is her life and she chooses to earn her living in the way she does," she once said of Teresa. "She might think it is slightly strange that someone likes to lead their life as a politician." Teresa is just as tolerant of her alter ego. "Everyone to their own," was her comment on Theresa's career.

It seems a shame that they have never met, let alone discussed a job swap. "Crime figures are coming down ... as fast as my undies!" is a slogan to have the blue rinses creaking to their feet for a standing ovation. "I will not hesitate to sanction the use of truncheons, handcuffs and even rubber bullets," would enthuse the adult movie-buying demographic.

On reflection, perhaps it's as well if the pair stick to their own jobs. There is a not- so-happy precedent for these two worlds colliding, as the former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith and her porn-viewing husband Richard could well tell you.