Rhodri Marsden: A porous shower curtain – that's a metaphor for what, exactly?

Life on Marsden

Share
Related Topics

You probably don't want to hear this, but recently my shower curtain started getting mouldy. My parents failed to teach me about shower curtain maintenance when I was younger, possibly because we didn't have a shower. Nor did we have an antelope, and I don't know how to look after those, either. In fact, I left home ill-prepared for most things, and I'll be taking this up with my mum and dad later. Anyway, rather than battle with the fungus, I thought I'd buy a new shower curtain.

My needs are basic; I don't need one with a pointillist landscape on it, I don't need it to be reversible, invertible or made out of tungsten, so I just went to my local DIY store and bought one for £6.95.

After dashing home, breathless with anticipation, I hooked the 12 eyelets onto the 12 hooks, drew it around the bath and turned on the tap. But as the jet of Thames Water's finest hit the curtain I felt myself getting wet, despite not being in the shower yet. It wasn't immediately obvious where the water might be coming from, but it quickly became evident that a fine mist was passing through the shower curtain. This curtain, whose only function is to stop water in its tracks, was failing to adhere to its job description. It wasn't broken; it was just the kind of shower curtain that allows water to pass through.

I sat on the bathroom floor with my head in my hands. How could this be happening? What was this thing made of? I've never had this problem with cheap umbrellas – why couldn't they make it out of the same stuff? Was a £6.95 spend on a shower curtain insufficient to guarantee that my bathroom wouldn't flood? Should I have gone for the £14.95 one, which might be more of a shower curtain and less of a curtain? If I took this one back to the shop, would they laugh and say, "Well, sir, you did only pay £6.95"?

Was I missing something? Do shower curtains actually need lining? Should I, in fact, be taking two shower curtains into the shower? Disorientated and confused, I thought, well, at least I could write a column about this provided I came up with some Thought For The Day-style metaphor for modern life. But I couldn't think of one.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Operations Manager

competitive: Progressive Recruitment: I am currently recruiting for an Operati...

Project Coordinator/Order Entry, Security Cleared

£100 - £110 per day + competitive: Orgtel: Project Coordinator/Order Entry Ham...

Senior Digital Marketing Executive

£35000 - £45000 Per Annum: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Our client based i...

Junior Developer- CSS, HMTL, Bootstrap

competitive: Progressive Recruitment: A leading company within the healthcare ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Prime Minister David Cameron walks on stage to speak at The Confederation of British Industry (CBI) annual conference on November 4, 2013  

Does Cameron really believe in 'British Values'?

Temi Ogunye
The Lada became a symbol of Russia’s failure to keep up with Western economies  

Our sanctions will not cripple Russia. It is doing a lot of the dirty work itself

Hamish McRae
Save the tiger: The animals bred for bones on China’s tiger farms

The animals bred for bones on China’s tiger farms

The big cats kept in captivity to perform for paying audiences and then, when dead, their bodies used to fortify wine
A former custard factory, a Midlands bog and a Leeds cemetery all included in top 50 hidden spots in the UK

A former custard factory, a Midlands bog and a Leeds cemetery

Introducing the top 50 hidden spots in Britain
Ebola epidemic: Plagued by fear

Ebola epidemic: Plagued by fear

How a disease that has claimed fewer than 2,000 victims in its history has earned a place in the darkest corner of the public's imagination
Chris Pratt: From 'Parks and Recreation' to 'Guardians of the Galaxy'

From 'Parks and Recreation' to 'Guardians of the Galaxy'

He was homeless in Hawaii when he got his big break. Now the comic actor Chris Pratt is Hollywood's new favourite action star
How live cinema screenings can boost arts audiences

How live cinema screenings can boost arts audiences

Broadcasting plays and exhibitions to cinemas is a sure-fire box office smash
Shipping container hotels: Pop-up hotels filling a niche

Pop-up hotels filling a niche

Spending the night in a shipping container doesn't sound appealing, but these mobile crash pads are popping up at the summer's biggest events
Native American headdresses are not fashion accessories

Feather dust-up

A Canadian festival has banned Native American headwear. Haven't we been here before?
Boris Johnson's war on diesel

Boris Johnson's war on diesel

11m cars here run on diesel. It's seen as a greener alternative to unleaded petrol. So why is London's mayor on a crusade against the black pump?
5 best waterproof cameras

Splash and flash: 5 best waterproof cameras

Don't let water stop you taking snaps with one of these machines that will take you from the sand to meters deep
Louis van Gaal interview: Manchester United manager discusses tactics and rebuilding after the David Moyes era

Louis van Gaal interview

Manchester United manager discusses tactics and rebuilding after the David Moyes era
Will Gore: The goodwill shown by fans towards Alastair Cook will evaporate rapidly if India win the series

Will Gore: Outside Edge

The goodwill shown by fans towards Alastair Cook will evaporate rapidly if India win the series
The children were playing in the street with toy guns. The air strikes were tragically real

The air strikes were tragically real

The children were playing in the street with toy guns
Boozy, ignorant, intolerant, but very polite – The British, as others see us

Britain as others see us

Boozy, ignorant, intolerant, but very polite
How did our legends really begin?

How did our legends really begin?

Applying the theory of evolution to the world's many mythologies
Watch out: Lambrusco is back on the menu

Lambrusco is back on the menu

Naff Seventies corner-shop staple is this year's Aperol Spritz