Rhodri Marsden: I don't want my interior decor to reflect my personality

Life on Marsden

Share
Related Topics

I'm currently having to make decisions about interior decor, but I'm a man and I don't know what I'm doing. I know I shouldn't tar the entire male population with the same brush, but you know what I'm talking about here.

The last thing a man living alone wants is to live in a place that looks as if it's occupied by a man living alone. Left to his own devices, a man living alone will rush things, make foolish choices and end up constructing a living space that looks like the interior decor equivalent of Richard Hammond. I don't want that. So I'm taking my time – but as a result I've become horribly bogged down, and paralysed with fear that I'm about to make a huge aesthetic error. Like accidentally ending up with a mural of a topless woman wearing protective cricket gear or something.

This personal failing of mine has history. My childhood bedroom was painted a hideous shade of orange, a colour that my parents would never have inflicted upon me and which I could only have chosen myself. I just called my mum to ask her about it. "I remember we had to have it mixed specially," she said, "and I remember that I never liked it. It looked even more garish on the walls than we expected, but we went with the flow because we couldn't afford to have it done again." Not much has changed in 30-odd years. Yesterday I showed my girlfriend a picture of a bath that I thought looked nice, but she looked it with utter contempt, as if it had just told a racist joke at a christening.

I mentioned my predicament to a friend, who sighed and said "It's easy. Just get what you like. It'll reflect your personality." But I don't want decor that reflects my personality. That would consist of blood-red walls with "OH NO!" and "WHAT IF?" painted in 7ft high letters, floors of burning hot coals, a staircase replaced with an unscalable ramp greased with Vaseline and strobe lights going off as though the Chemical Brothers are about to come onstage. What I want is decor that compensates for my personality. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this project brief, and I look forward to receiving a quote for the work in due course. Best regards, Rhodri.

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Project Implementation Executive

£18000 - £23000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They work with major vehicle ma...

Recruitment Genius: Chiropractic Assistant

£16500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Chiropractic Assistant is needed in a ...

Recruitment Genius: Digital Account Executive - Midlands

£18000 - £26000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They work with major vehicle ma...

Recruitment Genius: Web Developer

£28000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company provides coaching ...

Day In a Page

 

Errors & Omissions: how to spell BBQ and other linguistic irregularities

Guy Keleny
NHS struggling to monitor the safety and efficacy of its services outsourced to private providers

Who's monitoring the outsourced NHS services?

A report finds that private firms are not being properly assessed for their quality of care
Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

The Tory MP said he did not want to stand again unless his party's manifesto ruled out a third runway. But he's doing so. Watch this space
How do Greek voters feel about Syriza's backtracking on its anti-austerity pledge?

How do Greeks feel about Syriza?

Five voters from different backgrounds tell us what they expect from Syriza's charismatic leader Alexis Tsipras
From Iraq to Libya and Syria: The wars that come back to haunt us

The wars that come back to haunt us

David Cameron should not escape blame for his role in conflicts that are still raging, argues Patrick Cockburn
Sam Baker and Lauren Laverne: Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

A new website is trying to declutter the internet to help busy women. Holly Williams meets the founders
Heston Blumenthal to cook up a spice odyssey for British astronaut manning the International Space Station

UK's Major Tum to blast off on a spice odyssey

Nothing but the best for British astronaut as chef Heston Blumenthal cooks up his rations
John Harrison's 'longitude' clock sets new record - 300 years on

‘Longitude’ clock sets new record - 300 years on

Greenwich horologists celebrate as it keeps to within a second of real time over a 100-day test
Fears in the US of being outgunned in the vital propaganda wars by Russia, China - and even Isis - have prompted a rethink on overseas broadcasters

Let the propaganda wars begin - again

'Accurate, objective, comprehensive': that was Voice of America's creed, but now its masters want it to promote US policy, reports Rupert Cornwell
Why Japan's incredible long-distance runners will never win the London Marathon

Japan's incredible long-distance runners

Every year, Japanese long-distance runners post some of the world's fastest times – yet, come next weekend, not a single elite competitor from the country will be at the London Marathon
Why does Tom Drury remain the greatest writer you've never heard of?

Tom Drury: The quiet American

His debut was considered one of the finest novels of the past 50 years, and he is every bit the equal of his contemporaries, Jonathan Franzen, Dave Eggers and David Foster Wallace
You should judge a person by how they peel a potato

You should judge a person by how they peel a potato

Dave Hax's domestic tips are reminiscent of George Orwell's tea routine. The world might need revolution, but we like to sweat the small stuff, says DJ Taylor
Beige is back: The drab car colours of the 1970s are proving popular again

Beige to the future

Flares and flounce are back on catwalks but a revival in ’70s car paintjobs was a stack-heeled step too far – until now
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef's dishes highlight the delicate essence of fresh cheeses

Bill Granger cooks with fresh cheeses

More delicate on the palate, milder, fresh cheeses can also be kinder to the waistline
Aston Villa vs Liverpool: 'This FA Cup run has been wonderful,' says veteran Shay Given

Shay Given: 'This FA Cup run has been wonderful'

The Villa keeper has been overlooked for a long time and has unhappy memories of the national stadium – but he is savouring his chance to play at Wembley
Timeless drama of Championship race in league of its own - Michael Calvin

Michael Calvin's Last Word

Timeless drama of Championship race in league of its own