Rhodri Marsden: The word 'pickle' makes me cry – it's not a trait that women admire

Life on Marsden

Share
Related Topics

I cry a lot. Everything has the potential to transform me into a snotty-nosed wreck, from the predictable (swelling violins at the climax of a film) to the more unexpected (the word "pickle").

I've been like this since at least 1985, when I'd sit in my bedroom listening to The Cure and bawling my eyes out for no reason, although in retrospect it was probably because I was listening to The Cure. Tears are just a by-product of me experiencing an emotion, be it frustration, vengefulness, alienation or arousal.

Generally, this isn't a massive handicap. Antiques Roadshow set me off the other day – potentially embarrassing – but I just didn't tell anyone about it. If it happens in male company down the pub, I'll quickly leave the room while they say something like, "Ha! He's off again, let's steal his peanuts." Women generally interpret it as me being in touch with my sensitive side, although it's not so much "in touch with" as attached with industrial-grade duct tape and forced to take it with me on holiday.

But crying doesn't impress everyone. (You can test this theory by howling in misery and walking around Asda with your arms outstretched.) Female distaste for my crying has been rubber-stamped into my memory by three incidents. First was onstage in a Parisian squat in 1991; after getting a colossal electric shock off a microphone stand I collapsed in tears in front of a woman who gave a magnificently Gallic shrug.

Second: the time in Brighton where I drunkenly wandered around weeping at the loss of my bag, forgetting that I'd never actually been carrying a bag in the first place, while my then-girlfriend walked alongside me, laughing.

Third: my dubious decision to rent the film Withnail and I to see on a romantic-ish night in with someone new. During the closing scene where Withnail and I part company I blubbed, confidently. She looked at me and said, "Oh... I don't want to hurt you." N-no, I explained, I was merely moved by Richard E Grant's magnificent closing soliloquy. "Yes, but..." She shifted nervously. "I just don't want to hurt you," she said, again. Having identified me as a man unable to handle the emotional impact of light entertainment, she now considered me ill-equipped for the rigours of a sexual relationship. Next time, I thought, I'll rent Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Austen Lloyd: Private Client Solicitor - Oxford

Excellent Salary : Austen Lloyd: OXFORD - REGIONAL FIRM - An excellent opportu...

Austen Lloyd: Clinical Negligence Associate / Partner - Bristol

Super Package: Austen Lloyd: BRISTOL - SENIOR CLINICAL NEGLIGENCE - An outstan...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Consultant - Solar Energy - OTE £50,000

£15000 - £50000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Fantastic opportunities are ava...

Recruitment Genius: Compute Engineer

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: A Compute Engineer is required to join a globa...

Day In a Page

Read Next
SEEN graffiti Wonder Woman  

Warner Bros’ bold stance on Wonder Woman opens the door for Hollywood evolution

Matthew James
 

Errors & Omissions: moderate, iconic royals are a shoe-in for a pedantic kicking

Guy Keleny
Iraq invasion 2003: The bloody warnings six wise men gave to Tony Blair as he prepared to launch poorly planned campaign

What the six wise men told Tony Blair

Months before the invasion of Iraq in 2003, experts sought to warn the PM about his plans. Here, four of them recall that day
25 years of The Independent on Sunday: The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century

25 years of The Independent on Sunday

The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century
Homeless Veterans appeal: 'Really caring is a dangerous emotion in this kind of work'

Homeless Veterans appeal

As head of The Soldiers' Charity, Martin Rutledge has to temper compassion with realism. He tells Chris Green how his Army career prepared him
Wu-Tang Clan and The Sexual Objects offer fans a chance to own the only copies of their latest albums

Smash hit go under the hammer

It's nice to pick up a new record once in a while, but the purchasers of two latest releases can go a step further - by buying the only copy
Geeks who rocked the world: Documentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry

The geeks who rocked the world

A new documentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry
Belle & Sebastian interview: Stuart Murdoch reveals how the band is taking a new direction

Belle & Sebastian is taking a new direction

Twenty years ago, Belle & Sebastian was a fey indie band from Glasgow. It still is – except today, as prime mover Stuart Murdoch admits, it has a global cult following, from Hollywood to South Korea
America: Land of the free, home of the political dynasty

America: Land of the free, home of the political dynasty

These days in the US things are pretty much stuck where they are, both in politics and society at large, says Rupert Cornwell
A graphic history of US civil rights – in comic book form

A graphic history of US civil rights – in comic book form

A veteran of the Fifties campaigns is inspiring a new generation of activists
Winston Churchill: the enigma of a British hero

Winston Churchill: the enigma of a British hero

A C Benson called him 'a horrid little fellow', George Orwell would have shot him, but what a giant he seems now, says DJ Taylor
Growing mussels: Precious freshwater shellfish are thriving in a unique green project

Growing mussels

Precious freshwater shellfish are thriving in a unique green project
Diana Krall: The jazz singer on being friends with Elton John, outer space and skiing in Dubai

Diana Krall interview

The jazz singer on being friends with Elton John, outer space and skiing in Dubai
Pinstriped for action: A glimpse of what the very rich man will be wearing this winter

Pinstriped for action

A glimpse of what the very rich man will be wearing this winter
Russell T Davies & Ben Cook: 'Our friendship flourished online. You can share some very revelatory moments at four in the morning…'

Russell T Davies & Ben Cook: How we met

'Our friendship flourished online. You can share some very revelatory moments at four in the morning…'
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef serves up his favourite Japanese dishes

Bill Granger's Japanese recipes

Stock up on mirin, soy and miso and you have the makings of everyday Japanese cuisine
Michael Calvin: How we need more Eric Cantonas to knock some sense into us

Michael Calvin's Last Word

How we need more Eric Cantonas to knock some sense into us