Britain and the US, thank your leaders – your coronavirus-riddled nations are neck and neck in the International Stupid Stakes

Were the consequences not so deadly, the way these two countries have willingly slid into a swamp of their own making would almost be worthy of recognition

I’ve long thought the US and the UK have been engaged in a hotly contested race to win the International Stupid Stakes sponsored by the Trump Organization.

It’s a nail-biting context and just as one takes the lead, the other comes up on the rails and gets its nose in front.

It’s usually their dismal jockeys who are responsible, although I realise that describing either Boris Johnson or Donald Trump as jockeys is stretching the metaphor to breaking point.

But not always. Beachgoers in Bournemouth did a stand-up job of giving the UK a narrow advantage when they sat cheek by jowl on its sands as if Covid-19 didn’t exist and then left 33 tonnes of rubbish behind them (with apologies to Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland which appear to have more sense).

Then up popped "Ken and Karen", the gun-totin' St Louis lawyers, who pointed an assault rifle and a pistol at peaceful protestors, and occasionally each other, from their gated mansion, to narrow the gap. Ken even went on CNN to claim victimhood. And a teensy bit more of the UK’s advantage was lost.

Trust Trump to get America’s nose back in front.

Big orange has repeated his theory that coronavirus will disappear like a one-hit wonder from the pop charts. All while the US was recording a record number of cases and the deep red Republican states that heeded his call to reopen too early in the South and the West were shutting back down. Oof.

Right-wingers, eh. They do love their flags and the puffing out of their chests and playing the role of tough guy.

But when a problem emerges that conflicts with their deluded world view, they melt like a spring snow shower. It scares them so much that the only response they can come up with is to stick their fingers in their ears while singing "nyah nyah nyah, it ain’t happening, doo dickey dee dum". That’s what you or I might do when confronted by a particularly scary movie but not a pressing global problem that flips the bird to political theatrics.

It speaks volumes that Trump has repeatedly praised the ultra-conservative One America News Network, a little-watched Fox wannabe that proves that yes, it really is possible to be both more sycophantic and extreme than the number one gargoyle of US cable news.

Denial is its stock response to problems ranging from the climate crisis, to gun violence, to a killer pandemic. Nyah, nyah, nyah, it ain’t happening, doo dickey dee dum. Here’s some fairy dust, because even when we’re wrong (just about all the time) we’re right. That’s one of its anchor's favoured catchphrases, and yes, pity me. I’ve had to watch this stuff.

For the record, I should state that I’m not crowing. I’m all too well aware that we might very well be in the same place had our own BoZo in the corridors of power not experienced the scourge himself.

We might still end up there if his government's risky decision to reopen England bites us in the bum, like it’s currently biting the citizens of locked down Leicester.

A school local to me now has had to construct three separate reopening scenarios because of the way the goalposts keep being moved by its masters in Whitehall. I wouldn’t be at all surprised were the poor headteacher to have to construct a fourth, and maybe even a fifth.

This is where we are now at.

So while Trump might have taken back the lead for the USA, don’t for a minute think that this one’s over.

While mocking is both cathartic and necessary because, let’s face it, that’s about all we have left, there’s a serious point to be made.

The way our two nations have slid into a swamp of their own making, embracing the nationalist tub-thumping of conmen in an attempt to paper over their decline, they have basically abandoned any claims to anything resembling moral leadership.

That’s been noticed in places where the leaders aren’t simply malevolently incompetent. They’re just malevolent. And they’re good at it. Like in China.

Mercifully, America could pull itself out of the race in November, by dint of the forthcoming election. The polls, and the betting, suggests it will.

Britain faces another four years of tripping over hurdles and falling on its face. We're not quite home when it comes to the International Stupid Stakes. But we have a favourite’s chance at this point.