Stuck in a groove

Just in time, scientists have discovered why – or, rather, where – some tunes stay in the head. There is a bit just behind the forehead, apparently, which is where tunes get processed and, in some cases, stuck.

If you spot the warning signs, therefore, there is something you can do avert the peculiar torture inflicted by the inability to get the hook of Slade's "Merry Christmas Everybody" or Wham!'s "Last Christmas" out of your cerebellum.

As soon as you see the tinsel and spot the hidden speakers – whether in the office canteen, the shopping centre or even while innocently watching television in the privacy of one's own home – phone NHS Direct and arrange for a local anaesthetic to numb the rostromedial prefrontal cortex. Just until 26 December, that is. Then you can forget how "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" goes, in both the original Crystals version and the modern muzak variety.