‘I don’t know how this is going to end’: The questions that plague me in the middle of the night

I don’t always have breakfast or lunch at work, because my priority is feeding my children

My debts are escalating and I can’t get on top of it. I don’t know how this is going to end.

I am a mum of three children, two of which are still at home, and I am a single mum. When the kids were young I had jobs that would work around them: cleaning in schools, supervising school lunches and that sort of thing. But now I have increased my hours to 35 hours. I feel guilty about not being around as much for my youngest who is 12, but needs must.

The decision to increase my hours was really hard. It meant that I moved from universal credit to a salary – and have now lost my safety net. When I was on universal credit, I always knew that my rent would be paid so that gave me a huge peace of mind. But I need to earn more money to pay my escalating bills.

I’m living in £10,000 of debts from an overpayment of tax credits, and so I constantly have debt collectors in the shadows. They just take various amounts out of my universal credits without any pre-warning or any discussions and I am constantly worrying about what is coming next week, and month.

It’s the not knowing which is really hard. I know it’s going to get worse – I just don’t know how bad it could get. For now I’m just not planning anything. I haven’t done a proper shop for weeks, I can’t take the risk. I just get what I need for meals – no treats or snacks, they just aren’t an option for us. I don’t always have breakfast or lunch at work, because my priority is feeding my children.

I can’t risk setting up any standing orders, I have to live month to month, week to week on what we have. I don’t have any help or support from anyone except my daughter who lives and works from home and I am in debt to utilities and have debt collectors calling me. For my daughter to work she needs heating and light – I just don’t know how long we will be able to pay to keep them on.

I recently read that 49 per cent of mums are struggling with between £1-20k of debt – this is me. I am trapped in a neverending cycle that is getting worse by the day.

To keep up to speed with all the latest opinions and comment sign up to our free weekly Voices Dispatches newsletter by clicking here

My youngest is always missing out. He’s waiting for a pair of trainers that he can wear to school, but I can’t commit to that right now. It breaks my heart. He can’t play football because of it, because I can’t afford the shoes.

I have many sleepless, stressed nights and days, because I can’t see an end to it all. The government seems to be working against people like me. People are going to die this year because of the lack of support. People are going to be too afraid to put their heating on, too afraid to cook hot food, too afraid of the bills, the debt collectors and the bailiffs.

I spend my nights worrying, and my days working to dry and dig my way out, but I am scared of what will happen next. Will I be able to heat my house this winter? I honestly don’t know.

For information on the help available for the cost of living crisis, see here