fashionable ideas to go with a shell suit

creativity

Share
Related Topics
Strap a couple of tortoises to your feet, advises Mark Baptist, as a safe alternative to roller-blading. Mark Gatcliffe had the same idea. It must be something to do with the name. This week's most popular response, however, was as an ingredient for mock turtle soup, some way ahead of the runners-up: sleeping policemen and street cobbles. As for the soup left-overs, the uneaten shell, says Alan Fell, makes an excellent mandolin.

Genetically engineered tortoises may, according to Fiona and John Earle, operate civil engineering sites and save money on hard hats. They also mention an ancient Roman idea to harness the destructive potential of the angry tortoise as a precursor to the battering ram. Steph and Paul see their best use keeping barber shops tidy - "a tortoise can always be relied upon to catch the hair".

Attach a tortoise upside down to each foot, recommends GP Bowman, for a full-size game of Subbuteo football. Or stand on a tortoise when painting the ceiling, keeping the brush on the ceiling as it strolls up and down.

Midge Varney uses them for cheese-making: "One simply puts a full glass of milk on top of their shell, runs to the attic and shouts 'Here boy!'."

Ideal headgear to wear with a shell suit (Eric Bridgstock). Temporary moving road surface to speed up traffic on the M4 or replacement computer mouse (Maurice Hulks). Harness several together to pull slowcoaches (RJ Pickles). Alternative to a conventional wig (Tom Gaunt). Ice-hockey pucks (Martin Smith).

AJ Brewer notes that the numerological value of "tortoise" is four, which uncannily is identical to that of "Fidel Castro". Finally, Len Clarke's alarm clock:

On retiring, place tortoise at far end of garden; balance plate of tortoise food atop rockery below bedroom window; tortoise wakes you up knocking over plate in the morning. Prizes to GP Bowman, J & F Earle and Eric Bridgstock.

Next week, hammocks will run amok. Meanwhile, we seek things to do with a thesaurus. Ideas welcome at: Creativity, the Independent, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5DL. The three most creative will win the new Chambers Combined Dictionary Thesaurus.

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Vehicle Purchaser

£12000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: his is a unique opportunity to ...

Recruitment Genius: Accountant

£30000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Summarises financial status by ...

Ashdown Group: HR, Payroll & Benefits Officer - Altrincham - up to £24,000.

£18000 - £24000 per annum + benefits: Ashdown Group: HR, Payroll & Benefits Of...

Recruitment Genius: Salesforce Developer

£50000 - £65000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Due to continued business growt...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Rachel Hollis posted a photo of herself in a bikini on holiday online with the caption 'I'm proud of this body and every mark on it'  

At last there’s a new ‘bikini body’ ideal – and it’s one with stretch marks

Victoria Richards
Ed Miliband contends with difficult questions from Jeremy Paxman  

Battle for Number 10: Miliband survives a rough ride but Cameron takes the edge in first TV battle

John Curtice
The saffron censorship that governs India: Why national pride and religious sentiment trump freedom of expression

The saffron censorship that governs India

Zareer Masani reveals why national pride and religious sentiment trump freedom of expression
Prince Charles' 'black spider' letters to be published 'within weeks'

Prince Charles' 'black spider' letters to be published 'within weeks'

Supreme Court rules Dominic Grieve's ministerial veto was invalid
Distressed Zayn Malik fans are cutting themselves - how did fandom get so dark?

How did fandom get so dark?

Grief over Zayn Malik's exit from One Direction seemed amusing until stories of mass 'cutting' emerged. Experts tell Gillian Orr the distress is real, and the girls need support
The galaxy collisions that shed light on unseen parallel Universe

The cosmic collisions that have shed light on unseen parallel Universe

Dark matter study gives scientists insight into mystery of space
The Swedes are adding a gender-neutral pronoun to their dictionary

Swedes introduce gender-neutral pronoun

Why, asks Simon Usborne, must English still struggle awkwardly with the likes of 's/he' and 'they'?
Disney's mega money-making formula: 'Human' remakes of cartoon classics are part of a lucrative, long-term creative plan

Disney's mega money-making formula

'Human' remakes of cartoon classics are part of a lucrative, long-term creative plan
Lobster has gone mainstream with supermarket bargains for £10 or less - but is it any good?

Lobster has gone mainstream

Anthea Gerrie, raised on meaty specimens from the waters around Maine, reveals how to cook up an affordable feast
Easter 2015: 14 best decorations

14 best Easter decorations

Get into the Easter spirit with our pick of accessories, ornaments and tableware
Paul Scholes column: Gareth Bale would be a perfect fit at Manchester United and could turn them into serious title contenders next season

Paul Scholes column

Gareth Bale would be a perfect fit at Manchester United and could turn them into serious title contenders next season
Inside the Kansas greenhouses where Monsanto is 'playing God' with the future of the planet

The future of GM

The greenhouses where Monsanto 'plays God' with the future of the planet
Britain's mild winters could be numbered: why global warming is leaving UK chillier

Britain's mild winters could be numbered

Gulf Stream is slowing down faster than ever, scientists say
Government gives £250,000 to Independent appeal

Government gives £250,000 to Independent appeal

Donation brings total raised by Homeless Veterans campaign to at least £1.25m
Oh dear, the most borrowed book at Bank of England library doesn't inspire confidence

The most borrowed book at Bank of England library? Oh dear

The book's fifth edition is used for Edexcel exams
Cowslips vs honeysuckle: The hunt for the UK’s favourite wildflower

Cowslips vs honeysuckle

It's the hunt for UK’s favourite wildflower
Child abuse scandal: Did a botched blackmail attempt by South African intelligence help Cyril Smith escape justice?

Did a botched blackmail attempt help Cyril Smith escape justice?

A fresh twist reveals the Liberal MP was targeted by the notorious South African intelligence agency Boss