In defence of Jarvis

ANOTHER VIEW

Share
Related Topics
Michael Jackson's show at the Brit awards on Monday was one of the most self-aggrandising and unpleasant things I have ever seen on a stage.

It was as though a great balloon of pomp, hype, bad taste and flatulence had descended.

It completely dominated the proceedings and the other artists seemed to be treated like cattle - sort of inconvenient obstructions to the Messiah, who had - AMEN! - risen to Grace amidst his steaming pile of sub- Disney doo-doo. Of course, this is only my personal opinion, you understand.

When Jarvis Cocker mounted the stage and did his waggle dance (shortly after God had been embraced by a rabbinical figure, adored by assorted kiddies and was being hoisted to Heaven on a crane), we jumped up and cheered. I just wish I'd had the presence of mind to do it myself, and I think most sentient creatures in the room felt the same way. Someone had to say: "NO! This is total crap and not what we're about" .

The contrast between the ironic, bright, self-aware and radical British musicians present - who included Tricky, Pulp, David Bowie, Oasis, Radiohead and Massive Attack - and Jackson's self-serving, sentimental, wide-eyed eco-gloop was excruciating. Jarvis, here seen as the voice of the people, pricked the balloon, and the big men on stage disguised as deprived Third Worlders jumped him.

Naturally he lost his balance, as you do when grown-up men try to mount you, and on the way down may have brushed some poor, poor babies whose parents are now reported to be considering legal action.

It is also alleged he stepped on someone's toe which any reasonable person would agree is almost the worst thing you could do to a child.

Anyway, after the "show", the Emperor's army apprehended the boy who had laughed, and he spent the night in the deep, cold dungeons. But all the people of the city had seen what happened and they whispered behind the Emperor's back, and spoke only well of the boy...

The destruction of the rainforests and the plight of the world's poor, which is what Jackson's performance was "about", are real and serious problems. Michael Jackson is a great musician and a great dancer. Unfortunately, he is also turning into a great prat.

So I say: Free the Pulp One! Use all means to defend citizen Cocker.

The writer received a Brit award on Monday evening for Best Producer.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Opilio Recruitment: QA Automation Engineer

£30k - 38k per year + Benefits: Opilio Recruitment: An award-winning consume...

Opilio Recruitment: UX & Design Specialist

£40k - 45k per year + Benefits: Opilio Recruitment: A fantastic opportunity ...

Opilio Recruitment: Publishing Application Support Analyst

£30k - 35k per year + Benefits: Opilio Recruitment: We’re currently re...

Opilio Recruitment: Digital Marketing Manager

£35k - 45k per year + benefits: Opilio Recruitment: A fantastic opportunity ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
A Pokot woman holds a razor blade after performing a circumcision on four girls  

The campaigns to end FGM are a welcomed step, but they don't go far enough

Charlotte Rachael Proudman
Our political system is fragmented, with disillusioned voters looking to the margins for satisfaction  

Politics of hope needed to avert flight to margins

Liam Fox
Homeless Veterans Christmas Appeal: ‘We give them hope. They come to us when no one else can help’

Christmas Appeal

Meet the charity giving homeless veterans hope – and who they turn to when no one else can help
Should doctors and patients learn to plan humane, happier endings rather than trying to prolong life?

Is it always right to try to prolong life?

Most of us would prefer to die in our own beds, with our families beside us. But, as a GP, Margaret McCartney sees too many end their days in a medicalised battle
Thomas Cook's outgoing boss Harriet Green got by on four hours sleep a night - is that what it takes for women to get to the top?

What does it take for women to get to the top?

Thomas Cook's outgoing boss Harriet Green got by on four hours sleep a night and told women they had to do more if they wanted to get on
Christmas jumper craze: Inside the UK factory behind this year's multicultural must-have

Knitting pretty: British Christmas Jumpers

Simmy Richman visits Jack Masters, the company behind this year's multicultural must-have
French chefs have launched a campaign to end violence in kitchens - should British restaurants follow suit?

French chefs campaign against bullying

A group of top chefs signed a manifesto against violence in kitchens following the sacking of a chef at a Paris restaurant for scalding his kitchen assistant with a white-hot spoon
Radio 4 to broadcast 10-hour War and Peace on New Year's Day as Controller warns of cuts

Just what you need on a New Year hangover...

Radio 4 to broadcast 10-hour adaptation of War and Peace on first day of 2015
Cuba set to stage its first US musical in 50 years

Cuba to stage first US musical in 50 years

Claire Allfree finds out if the new production of Rent will hit the right note in Havana
Christmas 2014: 10 best educational toys

Learn and play: 10 best educational toys

Of course you want them to have fun, but even better if they can learn at the same time
Paul Scholes column: I like Brendan Rodgers as a manager but Liverpool seem to be going backwards not forwards this season

Paul Scholes column

I like Brendan Rodgers as a manager but Liverpool seem to be going backwards not forwards this season
Lewis Moody column: Stuart Lancaster has made all the right calls – now England must deliver

Lewis Moody: Lancaster has made all the right calls – now England must deliver

So what must the red-rose do differently? They have to take the points on offer 
Cameron, Miliband and Clegg join forces for Homeless Veterans campaign

Cameron, Miliband and Clegg join forces for Homeless Veterans campaign

It's in all our interests to look after servicemen and women who fall on hard times, say party leaders
Millionaire Sol Campbell wades into wealthy backlash against Labour's mansion tax

Sol Campbell cries foul at Labour's mansion tax

The former England defender joins Myleene Klass, Griff Rhys Jones and Melvyn Bragg in criticising proposals
Nicolas Sarkozy returns: The ex-President is preparing to fight for the leadership of France's main opposition party – but will he win big enough?

Sarkozy returns

The ex-President is preparing to fight for the leadership of France's main opposition party – but will he win big enough?
Is the criticism of Ed Miliband a coded form of anti-Semitism?

Is the criticism of Miliband anti-Semitic?

Attacks on the Labour leader have coalesced around a sense that he is different, weird, a man apart. But is the criticism more sinister?
Ouija boards are the must-have gift this Christmas, fuelled by a schlock horror film

Ouija boards are the must-have festive gift

Simon Usborne explores the appeal - and mysteries - of a century-old parlour game