Heads up: Top comment and controversy

Five ways to avoid the Royal baby

The flock of royal correspondents who spent the best part of a fortnight outside St Mary's Hospital may have left their hard-earned spots of pavement behind, but in many parts of the country - and many media outlets - the quest for more, more, more baby news continues. What will the prince be called? Has it really got more hair than Wills? Is Kate already pumping iron to lose that disfiguring baby bump? If the sum total of coo-ing and clucking is driving you wild - here's five ways to turn the volume all the way down.

1. Republican-ise your web browser

Google Chrome app unbaby.me filters mentions of the royal baby out of online search results and replaces them with pictures of tea and kittens. (Though, to be honest, the Internet probably isn't the best place to play right now if royal babies aren't your kind of thing. Try a book? Classical Humanism and Republicanism in English Political Thought, maybe?).

 

2. Locate a country not interested in the succession of the British royal line

Despite the claims of feverish commentators that what happened in Kate Middleton's womb on Monday afternoon "gripped" the world, a map of Tweets concerning the royal baby shows that huge swathes of planet earth got on with whatever it was they were doing without paying the slightest bit of notice (or perhaps simply don't have Twitter).

Chad, Sudan and Mongolia split the gong for least bothered member of the international fraternity. Wasn't it about time for that summer break?

 

3. Turn off the BBC

Part of the fun over these past few weeks has centred on how much coverage media organisations should give to a story Private Eye aptly summed up with the headline 'Woman Has Baby'.

Today's Daily Mail, having slogged through twenty-plus pages of baby coverage, has a pop at the BBC for their hangdog royalism, asking "Was the BBC over the top?". Pot, kettle, black - yada yada yada. (The wonderful Vine post from Jules Mattson, below, does all sneering necessary).

 

 

4. Mute search terms on your Twitter feed

Option one: unfollow anyone paying lip service to the currently-rather-cute but inevitably-rather-oppressive future King. Option two: Download Tweetdeck (it's good, scouts honour) and fiddle with the settings to mute any word that might, should it be pinged one more time at your eyeballs, lead to a full-scale Republican meltdown - "royal", "kate" and "baby" are the obvious places to start.

 

5. Finally, self-servingly, you could have a look through our Independent non-Royal coverage

Mary Dejevsky busts the myth that Britain keeps itself clean of corruption

Patrick Strudwick points out the real absurdity in the Weiner sexting scandal

Robert Fisk reports as only he can on the increasing cheapness of life in Egpyt

 

That's your lot. Feeling any better?

React Now

  • Get to the point
Read Next
 

General Election 2015: Ed Miliband hasn’t ‘suddenly’ become a robust leader. He always was

Steve Richards
 

Costa Rica’s wildlife makes me mourn our paradise lost

Michael McCarthy
Not even the 'putrid throat' could stop the Ross Poldark swoon-fest'

Not even the 'putrid throat' could stop the Ross Poldark swoon-fest'

How a costume drama became a Sunday night staple
Miliband promises no stamp duty for first-time buyers as he pushes Tories on housing

Miliband promises no stamp duty for first-time buyers

Labour leader pushes Tories on housing
Aviation history is littered with grand failures - from the the Bristol Brabazon to Concorde - but what went wrong with the SuperJumbo?

Aviation history is littered with grand failures

But what went wrong with the SuperJumbo?
Fear of Putin, Islamists and immigration is giving rise to a new generation of Soviet-style 'iron curtains' right across Europe

Fortress Europe?

Fear of Putin, Islamists and immigration is giving rise to a new generation of 'iron curtains'
Never mind what you're wearing, it's what you're reclining on

Never mind what you're wearing

It's what you're reclining on that matters
General Election 2015: Chuka Umunna on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband

Chuka Umunna: A virus of racism runs through Ukip

The shadow business secretary on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband
Yemen crisis: This exotic war will soon become Europe's problem

Yemen's exotic war will soon affect Europe

Terrorism and boatloads of desperate migrants will be the outcome of the Saudi air campaign, says Patrick Cockburn
Marginal Streets project aims to document voters in the run-up to the General Election

Marginal Streets project documents voters

Independent photographers Joseph Fox and Orlando Gili are uploading two portraits of constituents to their website for each day of the campaign
Game of Thrones: Visit the real-life kingdom of Westeros to see where violent history ends and telly tourism begins

The real-life kingdom of Westeros

Is there something a little uncomfortable about Game of Thrones shooting in Northern Ireland?
How to survive a social-media mauling, by the tough women of Twitter

How to survive a Twitter mauling

Mary Beard, Caroline Criado-Perez, Louise Mensch, Bunny La Roche and Courtney Barrasford reveal how to trounce the trolls
Gallipoli centenary: At dawn, the young remember the young who perished in one of the First World War's bloodiest battles

At dawn, the young remember the young

A century ago, soldiers of the Empire – many no more than boys – spilt on to Gallipoli’s beaches. On this 100th Anzac Day, there are personal, poetic tributes to their sacrifice
Dissent is slowly building against the billions spent on presidential campaigns – even among politicians themselves

Follow the money as never before

Dissent is slowly building against the billions spent on presidential campaigns – even among politicians themselves, reports Rupert Cornwell
Samuel West interview: The actor and director on austerity, unionisation, and not mentioning his famous parents

Samuel West interview

The actor and director on austerity, unionisation, and not mentioning his famous parents
General Election 2015: Imagine if the leading political parties were fashion labels

Imagine if the leading political parties were fashion labels

Fashion editor, Alexander Fury, on what the leaders' appearances tell us about them
Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka: Home can be the unsafest place for women

Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka: Home can be the unsafest place for women

The architect of the HeForShe movement and head of UN Women on the world's failure to combat domestic violence