It can be tricky to remember that Justin Bieber is a real human being.
Videos of the 19-year-old singer have been watched nearly 3 billion times on YouTube, and his personal wealth, funded by devoted "Beliebers", stands at over a hundred million dollars. Sometimes he makes perfume adverts so terribly cynical one can only assume he's a celebrity Pinocchio, dangled in front of teenagers to rid them of pocket money. But then, last Friday night, he went through one life-changing rite of passage all the world must sadly go through. Bieber had " the worst birthday" ever.
1. No Bieber allowed
Typical ingredients of the "worst birthday" include disappointing friends bearing disappointing presents and rolling home in last place at the bowling alley.
Bieber's tale is slightly different. The star's circus themed party at Soho's Cirque du Soir was disrupted by an "incident" with the bouncers (reports suggest funny tobacco was involved), forcing an unscheduled departure from the club after just five minutes of glamorous quiff-shaking.
What he did next is unclear, but you can be sure it wasn't eating scraps of birthday cake (the wrong kind) off dirty tracksuit bottoms. So while his night might not have been verifiably the "worst ever", was it even any worse than other celebrity travails?
2. Skrillex's inflammatory cake
The man who brought "wobble" bass to middle America, dubstep DJ Skrillex (Sonny Moore) looks like he's having a fantastic time behind the decks on his 25th birthday. Then the cake arrives and - in the delight of the moment - Moore forgets his Rapunzel-like hairdo and leans over to blow out the candles... cue a singeing smell more club-ejectingly potent than that of the plant Bieber's crew allegedly lit up.
3. Dido trips into middle age
Hitting 40 is enough of a strain on its own. It's worse when the milestone falls on Christmas Day (as Dido's does). It's positively cataclysmic when you fall prey to one of YouTube's great "fail" tropes - the mistaken walk across a running treadmill. "I went flying", said Dido of her 2011 incident. "More than a year later I still have scrapes on my legs. That was my welcome to my forties".
So there you have it Justin. Every celebrity has a rough birthday or two. Maybe next time invite Skrillex and Dido. THEN you could have a real hit on your hands, too.