Letter: A jiving Chancellor moves in as Lamont prepares to quote Rolf Harris

Sir: Yesterday, while idling with my scanner, I heard a voice uncannily similar to that of Norman Lamont, reading what appeared to be the draft of a speech. I managed to record it and I enclose some extracts that might interest your readers:

'Madam Speaker, a strong prime minister believes in what he is doing; he must not be deflected by pressure. This was the attitude of both Churchill and Thatcher. It was Churchill who said 'We shall never surrender'. It was Thatcher who said 'The lady's not for turning'. Sadly, Madam Speaker, the gentleman is for turning, and sadly he has surrendered - yet he has made it clear his policies will not change.

'Madam Speaker, there has to be one marked difference between the speech made in this House not long ago by Lord Howe and mine today. He rebuked himself for staying on too long. I say, quite bluntly, had I been given the the time I could have finished the job.

'Perhaps my Right Honourable erstwhile friend, the Prime Minister, will fill me in at some stage about where exactly I went wrong.

'Would he have had me tell this House and the country that unemployment was a price not worth paying and that the suffering of millions was in vain? Would he have had me say 'Je regrette tout' when I was his own Chancellor carrying out his policies? When, finally, after wasting billions on the ERM at his behest, I had begun to get us out of the mess that he had got us into, should I have cried in my bath?

'There has been speculation as to my loyalty in days to come. Madam Speaker, with the benefit of hindsight I have been guilty of one major error of judgement, which in the last analysis must make my dismissal defensible.

'That error of judgement is that I brought about the promotion to the leadership of a man who, if he sings in his bath, would come out with 'Did you think I would leave you dying when there's room on my horse for two? If so, you are dead right, my son'.'

At that point, my scanner went on the blink.

Yours sincerely,

ALISTAIR SAMPSON

Garrick Club

London, WC2

1 June