LETTERS: Water rage

AND LO, in my house on that Christmas Eve was great sorrow and the wailing and the gnashing of teeth, for we wept at the suffering of the worthy knight, Sir Gordon ("Sir Gordon's bad year", 24 December).

But when we had wept, we thought about Sir Gordon, and how he and his fellow knights of the round board had poured gold into the soilpipe called "Dividends" instead of into the horn of plenty called"Investment", and how he had amassed so much gold that he could afford a tanker of the finest mineral waters to himself.

And lo, our sorrow changed to an anger so great that, not content with Sir Gordon's head, we want the heads of all his fellow knights as well.

Philip Best

New Malden, Surrey