Norman, name your source]

I HAVE been fortunate enough to obtain transcripts of the trial of Norman Lamont. Of course, you may not even be aware that Mr Lamont is on trial. Given the secrecy of the current government, it's not surprising that the trial is completely sub judice, which is why I shall probably be arrested before the end of this article. So let's get on with the extracts while we have time . . .

Counsel: Your name is Lamont?

Lamont: That is correct.

Counsel: Is that a Norman name?

Lamont: Yes. Norman Lamont. (Laughter in court.)

Judge: Silence in court] We are not here to enjoy ourselves. We are here to see that justice is done and that Lamont is silenced. Carry on, please.

Counsel: Mr Lamont, you are up before the court on more than 800 counts of contempt of court. You have pleaded not guilty to all of them.

Lamont: My only crime is to predict a glorious future for Britain. What is wrong with that?

Counsel: That is not quite true. What is true is that you have on at least 800 different occasions stated that the recession is over. What is also true is that the recession is not over.

Lamont: Yes, but conditions are now in place for all the economic indicators, which have been gathering strength over the last nine months . . .

Judge: Mr Lamont] The reason that many of us have chosen to work in the law is to get away from unsubstantiated nonsense of this kind. No more of it, please. Carry on.

Counsel: Do you deny that you have on many occasions told us that the recession was bottoming out?

Lamont: No.

Counsel: It is generally agreed that the recession has not yet bottomed out. And yet thousands of people have based their business behaviour, their forecasts and their future planning on your statements.

Lamont: I cannot be held responsible . . .

Judge: Oh yes, you can.

Counsel: I must therefore ask you to tell the court from what sources you drew your information about the recession.

Lamont: I cannot.

Counsel: You mean, you have forgotten? You cannot remember, perhaps, in which pub you heard a man say that the recession was over? Or in what West End Club some chap told you in confidence that there was light at the end of the tunnel?

Lamont: No. It is not like that. My sources were respectable and reliable. But as a cabinet minister I cannot reveal them.

Counsel: Do you mean never? Or only when it is not disastrously wrong?

Lamont: I mean that sources are sacred and should be protected. Counsel: That was not the opinion of the court in the recent case of Channel 4.

Lamont: That was different. The statements for which Channel 4 refused to give its sources were totally malicious.

Counsel: Malicious? Meaning?

Lamont: Meaning they gravely embarrassed the Government.

Counsel: But surely your statements on the economy are embarrassing to the Government?

Lamont: Not at all. There is every indication now that the recession is drawing to a close, and that business confidence is rapidly gaining strength . . .

Judge: Mr Lamont] I have already told you not to lower the court's dignity with this kind of talk. You will not receive another warning.

Lamont: There is a big difference between the Channel 4 case and my case. What Channel 4 said made it harder for us to continue with the prevention of terrorism in Northern Ireland.

Counsel: As a matter of interest, how do you prevent terrorism in Northern Ireland?

Lamont: We pick up the Irish family nearest the scene of the crime and put them in prison for years. Then later we let them out as quietly as possible.

Counsel: Does this help to prevent terrorism?

Lamont: No. But it makes the public think we are doing something about it, and that is what government is all about.

Counsel: Is that also why you issue statements that the recession is over? To make people feel something is being done?

Lamont: Of course. But having said that, may I say this? It now seems virtually certain that the non-growth conditions of recent months are over, and that a period of sustained expansion is just around the . . .

Judge: I can't stand any more] Take him away]

The trial continues.