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Only because Rembrandt didn't have his own TV show - Rolf Harris, entertainer, explaining why he was named the world's most famous artist by 38 per cent of people involved in a survey

The Booker Prize is about my past, not my future. I will only write another book if I have another book to write. I don't believe in professions - Arundhati Roy, winner of this year's Booker Prize

I always knew he wouldn't be faithful to me, but I did think he might try for the first couple of years - Lady Fairbairn, widow of former Tory MP Sir Nicholas Fairbairn. She discovered that he had a secret son conceived in the early days of their marriage.

If you can't get pissed on your own show, when can you get pissed? - Chris Evans, Virgin FM's new breakfast show host, who celebrated by drinking a can of beer before 8.10am on his first day

I can't go into politics, because if I do Tim has said that he'll divorce me - Nicola Horlick, ex-City hotshot, mother of five

In my day, I would only have sex with a man if I found him extremely attractive. These days, girls seem to choose them in much the same way as they might choose to suck on a boiled sweet - Mary Wesley, 84-year- old author