Quotes Of The Week

Americans see these wonderful cathedrals and marvellous churches in Britain - they cannot believe there's nobody in them.

Raymond Seitz, former US ambassador to Britain

We paid for the drinks with the money we saved by not flying Concorde.

Alistair Darling, Social Security Secretary, at a Whitehall reception

Does impeachment mean they are going to turn him into a peach? If so, can I eat him?

Singer Sinead O'Connor on President Clinton

He's right, but wouldn't it have been great if he had liquidated some of the Vatican's money to help to install indoor plumbing in Mexico?

Actress Susan Sarandon, on the Pope's recent Encyclical deploring the widening gulf between rich and poor

We do not require a royal commission. What we require is a gang of bricklayers who should be told as a matter of urgency to wall up the entrance on the other side of the central lobby.

Labour MP Robert Marshall-Andrews on the fate of the House of Lords

Will we have children? Maybe one day. But not next week. Is that suitably vague?

William Hague

I do have a secret Valentine hearthrob who plays a TV detective, but I can't remember who he is.

Dame Thora Hird, aged 87

The Conservative Party is at the same time extraordinarily gay-friendly and weirdly homophobic. It draws gay men in by the score - then spits them out.

Ex-Tory MP Matthew Parris, who `outed' Peter Mandelson on television

The restaurant is like a theatre: we do two shows a day and when you are doing Shakespeare you don't want to throw in something out of Walt Disney.

Top chef Philip Britten, saying he would not serve tomato ketchup if it was asked for

What do they want me to do? Do I have to lie down in the middle of the road and allow them to walk on top of me? I can't get the IRA to surrender.

Sinn Fein's Martin McGuinness

They can't sack me, because I have no boss apart from God.

Eileen Drewery, Glenn Hoddle's faith healer, after the FA severed ties with her