quotes of the week

The brain is the central erogenous zone for me, and he's got a big one.

Marianne Wiggins, author, on Salman Rushdie, her former husband

The chance of winning the lottery jackpot is less than that of being struck by lightning. I have never bought a ticket and plan to buy an insulating rubber helmet with the money I save. It will increase my life expectancy by precisely one fourteen-millionth.

Steve Jones, Professor of Genetics at University College, London

If it is wrong it shouldn't be done.

John Major on disclosure of MPs' outside earnings

We don't want to ... change the Parliamentary process into a card-carrying, politically correct establishment from the left of politics, many of whom couldn't earn any serious amount of money outside politics.

Michael Heseltine on disclosure of MPs' outside earnings

John runs these conferences with a bit of a school-marmish approach... Well I think we're going to give him a little smack with the ruler.

Paul Keating, Prime Minister of Australia, who intends to raise British support of French nuclear tests at the Commonwealth summit