THE LAST WORD: JO BRAND

Share
Related Topics
Christians have always been fodder for comedians who have tended to portray them as anoraks - slightly clammy, beatifically smiley dullards with barely a personality between them. In my experience this is not a particularly reliable stereotype, having met Christians whose disturbed personalities would quite easily have earned them an invite to Hannibal Lecter's coming-out party, or others whose wildness matched that of that bloke in The Prodigy who drags round half an ironmongers in his sinuses.

One thing lots of Christians do have in common is that they can't help coming across as smug. This winds lots of people up, particularly because famous Christians pronounce on the life of the poor from their very lovely affluent homes filled with their very lovely families and attractive pets. These are homes, too, which are devoid of any sense of the desperation present in the lives of the people they wish to control. Hence, Chris- tians, including Mr T Blair, have raised clean hands to mouths in shock at the news that two 12-year-old girls have become pregnant. These are not two 12-year-old girls from the Home Counties who are the offspring of professional parents with rosy futures, but two girls from crappy areas with crappy lives. I wasn't "appalled" in the way that Tony Blair was as he set off on his "moral crusade". I was depressed and sad. Their education, sex or otherwise, has probably been lacking and their future is about as bright as Dan Quayle.

The trouble with the Blair morality crusade is that a comfortably off Oxbridge graduate is trying to impose his world view on a group of people who haven't got a cat's chance in hell of ever being in his world.

Nice, clean Tony Blair is no more welcome in the homes of the poor than any of those other self-proclaimed, well-heeled "Christians" who try to set them on the straight and narrow, be it Ann "Listen To Me While You're Chained To That Bed" Widdecombe or Ian "Yes The Viciousness is All Me" Paisley. The way Blair discusses the people at whom his cleansing shower of lurve is aimed illustrates that he has no understanding of the poor and the despair they feel. I used to think that didn't matter as long as he was truly committed to doing something about it, but I don't think he is any more.

To my mind, Christian is as Christian does, and that doesn't mean telling poor people to wash behind their ears, get some regular exercise and stop their 12-year-olds coupling with every- thing that moves. Being Christian towards poor people means trying to improve their lives and give them back some self-respect.

You may well be saying to yourselves that as far as the poor are concerned, at least Tony Blair is better than the Tories.

Well, I think he is much more of a disappointment because we expected so much more from him. By "we" I mean those of us who voted for Labour policies. At least with the Tories you know you're getting the Squeers family, whereas with Blair we expected Joe Gargery and got Mrs Joe.

As far as the morality of politicians goes, I couldn't really care less whether the whole lot of them threw off their clothes on a regular basis, banged each other senseless man and woman in wrestling rings full of jelly, as long as they didn't believe themselves to be qualified to pronounce on the morals of others.

You may be thinking I'm not exactly eligible to be throwing stones, but that is the joy of not being a politician, you can say just about anything you like without having to double check it with 12 people first. Yes, I use bad language, I take the piss out of blokes and commit the ultimate sin in lots of people's eyes of having let myself go a bit. So what? I can honestly say I've never sold any arms to a repressive foreign regime while reassuring everyone at home that the weapons will be used for nice things.

And, yes, I'm a feminist which means to me that we should still strive for silly things like equal pay and, as women, do our best to support other women.

That is why what got up my nose the most last week was the following quote in the Mail from the sadistic Lynda Lee-Potter in reference to the 12-year-old pregnant girls. "Their mothers are idle sluts who aren't fit to look after a dog, let alone a child." What a bitch.

React Now

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Geography Teacher

£130 - £140 per day: Randstad Education Ilford: Secondary Geography Teacher Lo...

Do you want to work in Education?

£55 - £70 per day: Randstad Education Cheshire: Are you a dynamic and energeti...

SEN Teaching Assistant

Negotiable: Randstad Education Group: SEN TAs, LSAs and Support Workers needed...

Private Client Senior Manager - Sheffield

£50000 - £60000 per annum: Pro-Recruitment Group: The Sheffield office of this...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Letter from the Arts Editor: The Great Character Actors of Football

David Lister
 

What I saw on the night my husband was hit by a car

Rebecca Armstrong
Rubin ‘Hurricane’ Carter: The man who could have been champion of the world - and the Bob Dylan song that immortalised him

The man who could have been champion of the world

Rubin ‘Hurricane’ Carter and the Bob Dylan song that immortalised him
Didn’t she do well?

Didn’t she do well?

Miranda Hart lined up for ‘Generation Game’ revival
The Middle East we must confront in the future will be a Mafiastan ruled by money

The Middle East we must confront in the future will be a Mafiastan ruled by money

In Iraq, mafiosi already run almost the entire oil output of the south of the country
Before they were famous

Before they were famous

Can you guess the celebrity from these British Pathe News clips?
Martin Freeman’s casting in Fargo is genius

Martin Freeman’s casting in Fargo is a stroke of genius

Series is brimming with characters and stories all its own
How I brokered a peace deal with Robert Mugabe: Roy Agyemang reveals the delicate diplomacy needed to get Zimbabwe’s President to sit down with the BBC

How I brokered a peace deal with Robert Mugabe

Roy Agyemang reveals the delicate diplomacy needed to get Zimbabwe’s President to sit down with the BBC
Video of British Muslims dancing to Pharrell Williams's hit Happy attacked as 'sinful'

British Muslims's Happy video attacked as 'sinful'

The four-minute clip by Honesty Policy has had more than 300,000 hits on YouTube
Church of England-raised Michael Williams describes the unexpected joys in learning about his family's Jewish faith

Michael Williams: Do as I do, not as I pray

Church of England-raised Williams describes the unexpected joys in learning about his family's Jewish faith
A History of the First World War in 100 moments: A visit to the Front Line by the Prime Minister's wife

A History of the First World War in 100 moments

A visit to the Front Line by the Prime Minister's wife
Comedian Jenny Collier: 'Sexism I experienced on stand-up circuit should be extinct'

Jenny Collier: 'Sexism on stand-up circuit should be extinct'

The comedian's appearance at a show on the eve of International Women's Day was cancelled because they had "too many women" on the bill
Cannes Film Festival: Ken Loach and Mike Leigh to fight it out for the Palme d'Or

Cannes Film Festival

Ken Loach and Mike Leigh to fight it out for the Palme d'Or
The concept album makes surprise top ten return with neolithic opus from Jethro Tull's Ian Anderson

The concept album makes surprise top ten return

Neolithic opus from Jethro Tull's Ian Anderson is unexpected success
Lichen is the surprise new ingredient on fine-dining menus, thanks to our love of Scandinavian and Indian cuisines

Lichen is surprise new ingredient on fine-dining menus

Emily Jupp discovers how it can give a unique, smoky flavour to our cooking
10 best baking books

10 best baking books

Planning a spot of baking this bank holiday weekend? From old favourites to new releases, here’s ten cookbooks for you
Jury still out on Manchester City boss Manuel Pellegrini

Jury still out on Pellegrini

Draw with Sunderland raises questions over Manchester City manager's ability to motivate and unify his players