Those hotel souvenirs are the key to your moral decline

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The Independent Online
How good are your personal standards of morality? If you really want to know just what sort of person you are, here's a quiz to help you test your own honesty and responsibility. It has been devised by a top psychologist and is based on something we all have to do from time to time: stay in a hotel.

Make sure you answer each question as honestly as possible. Remember, nobody will visit your home or attempt to sell you something afterwards.

1. Many hotels now provide the visitor with little bars of soap and sachets of shampoo for personal use. When you stay in a hotel, do you ever take home with you any of the courtesy soaps or shampoos that you have started but hardly used, thinking it would be a shame to leave them behind since they will probably only get thrown away?

2. Do you ever scoop up the rest of the courtesy soaps, shampoos, shower gels and shoeshine cloths even if you have not touched them, and take them away?

3. Do you ever use the hotel's courtesy shower cap when you take a shower, even though you would normally never dream of wearing one, just because it is free?

4. Even though you normally never wear a hat in the shower, do you sometimes take the courtesy shower cap home with you, reckoning that you could probably find a use for it, or that it might make a nice coming home present for granny?

5. Do you ever take your hotel room key home with you, having forgotten to hand it in, and, if so, do you forget to send it back, and finally just jettison it?

6. Or do you send it back to the hotel having first had a copy taken of the key?

7. And do you then use this skeleton key from time to time to enter the hotel room while passing that way in the hope of getting a free night in an unoccupied room?

8. Or at least rifling the luggage of the new occupant?

9. Or, at the very least, replenishing your stocks of courtesy soap, shower gel and shampoo?

10. Have you ever raided the mini-bar of your hotel room and then not owned up to all the items you took when asked to do so by the cashier at departure time?

11. Do you sometimes take small items of linen from hotels, such as flannels and small hand towels, which nobody will really miss?

12. Do you ever abscond with quantities of hotel writing paper and envelopes for use at home, even though this means puzzling your correspondents with your apparently inexplicable full-time residency in foreign hotels?

13. Have you ever succumbed to the temptation to remove a slightly larger item from your hotel bedroom, such as a glamorous bathrobe? Or a small electric

kettle?

14. Now that all hotels have given up the use of ordinary hangers in despair at their being removed all the time, and installed wardrobes that take only those funny hangers with knobs at the top, have you gone so far as to instal a hotel-type hanger rail in your wardrobe at home so that it's worth going on taking hotel hangers away?

15. Have you ever taken something from a hotel which involved unscrewing it, or prising it from the wall, or detaching it from the hotel's electrical circuit?

16. Have you ever taken home from a hotel any one of the following items? a) a courtesy hairdryer; b) a TV set; c) a complete mini-bar.

17. Have you ever succeeded in removing an object from the public rooms of a hotel, such as a coat-stand or large oil painting?

18. When you are about to leave, have you ever taken a car from the hotel car park which appealed to you more than your own?

How to score your answers:

Simply tot up the number of times you have answered 'yes'.

If you said 'yes' twice or less, do the test again, but honestly this time.

If you said 'yes' three to six times, you are a better than average hotel guest.

7-10 times: you have probably collected enough stuff at home not to need any more just yet.

11-14 times: you probably only stay at hotels just to take stuff away and resell it.

15-17 times: you are either a compulsive liar or on the secret list of dangerous guests circulated by all British hotels.

If you answered 'yes' to every single question, you must be the bastard who removed Room 503 in its entirety from the Central Tower Hotel, Knightsbridge, and could you return it at once, please, as it is not only endangering the structure of the whole building, but at the time you removed it the room contained a chambermaid called Emily who is much missed by her family? Thank you.

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