true gripes bottled water

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The Independent Online
Wherever I look these days I see people clutching bottles of water. They don't seem to be able to go anywhere without them. These bottles always have a label claiming that they contain mineral water or spring waters and cost vast sums of money.

I suppose people are entitled to spend their money on anything they like, and if they want to buy this stuff it is up to them. It just strikes me as ridiculous to fork out for bottled water when they've already paid twice for tap water: once to settle their water bill and once when the Government spent their taxes selling off the utilities.

What's wrong with tap water anyway? I've been drinking it all my life and there's nothing wrong with me. That I've noticed. The water companies spend millions of pounds improving the quality of tap water, delivering right into people's houses, and what do they do? They go to a shop and buy bottled water. They must be made of money.

Most of this piped water, having gone through endless filter processes, is then completely wasted by being used for washing cars. It's ironic. If someone turns a hosepipe onto a garden for a few minutes he stands to get fined for it, but if he uses 30 bucketfuls to wash his car, nobody says a word. In fact, people are so in love with their cars these days I'm surprised they don't buy bottled water to wash them with.

Ah, those bottles, with their labels depicting fresh mountain springs. I've a good mind to start bottling fresh mountain air: I could probably make a fortune. Put something in a bottle and the public love it.

I think all these people clutching bottles of water probably never recovered from having their teddy bears taken away. When I was a child I had a teddy bear that I carried with me everywhere, holding it by its left ear. As the years passed, bits began to drop off: first the legs went, then the body and head, until all that was left was the ear. In this way I was weaned off my teddy bear so gradually that I learned to live without it. Which is why I don't need to clutch bottles of water wherever I go.

If you don't want to drink tap water, why not make your own? All you need are two tankfuls of hydrogen and one of oxygen. Be careful though.

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