Kate Middleton's Ibiza-dwelling uncle Gary Goldsmith plans book

  • @tompeck

As if the pages of Italian glossy magazines and the bargain buckets of Waterstones were not enough, the Middleton family may yet make another foray into the literary world.

Kate Middleton’s tattooed, Ibiza-dwelling uncle Gary has said he is considering writing a book of his extraordinary life. The 47-year-old brother of Kate’s mum Carole has been married three times, and owns Maison de Bang Bang, one of Ibiza’s most luxurious villas.

“People might be interested in a book,” Gary Goldsmith told the Daily Mail. “For instance, no one seems to have picked up on the fact that both my sister and I were millionaires before we turned 30. She with her Party Pieces business and me with my company.’

They may also be interested to read of the Fake Sheikh sting that saw him offer cocaine to undercover reporters at the mansion. He would also offer an interesting take on his attendance at every part of his niece’s wedding.

Given folk at the Palace expressed concern ahead of the publication of Celebrate, Pippa Middleton’s widely ridiculed party planning book, for which she received a £400,000 advance in return for such advice as to how to correctly adjudicate a sack race (“The first person to cross the finish line is declared the winner”), uncle Gary’s intentions will certainly have raised a few eyebrows.

He was filmed in 2009 apparently cutting cocaine, handing out ecstasy pills and boasting of his meetings with Prince William. Apparently his first encounter with the Duke of Cambridge involved shouting “Oi, you fucker, did you break my glass pyramids?” across a hallway (Mr Goldsmith collects glass pyramids). He also offered the number of a gentlemen who could facilitate the £600-a-night services of Brazilian escorts. He was also thought to be dating a former lap-dancer, a consequence of a reported ‘dark side’ to his personality and a period in which his life was ‘beginning to spiral out of control.’ He got married to his fourth wife, former car sales clerk Julie-Ann Brown.

Of course, such a lifestyle is hardly out of the ordinary for an uncle of the expectant couple. Indeed any memoirs might be comparatively rather tame. William’s Uncle Andrew was until recently a friend of Jeffrey Epstein, the America billionaire convicted of child sex offences, and who is alleged to have used his fleet of private jets to fly under age women around the world for sex. He also continues to maintain friendships with several of the world’s most ruthless dictators, not least President Ilham Aliyev.

Mr Goldsmith, as he points out, was a millionaire by the age of thirty through a successful IT recruitment business, and later property development. William’s uncle Edward, the Earl of Wessex, left investors with nothing when his film company,Ardent, went into voluntary liquidation, with assets of £40.

Uncle Edward’s wife, aunt-in-law Sophie Rhys Jones, PR company left debts of £1.7m.

Even Aunty Anne, aka the Princess Royal was fined £500 after her dog Dotty bit two children. The dog went on to kill one of her mother’s corgis.

But said mother, and the rest of the folk of the palace perhaps shouldn’t be too concerned. ‘I never talk about anything to do with my family for obvious reasons,’ he said. “I hope people will be interested in me and not because of my family.” They surely will, but it might be a bit tame by comparison.