Paperbacks: We Need To Talk About Kevin Keegan, by Giles Smith

It is strange to read a book packed with piquant ironies, but at the same time utterly baffling. For example, why does Smith muse, apropos of Claudia Schiffer's attendance at a party for Chelsea Football Club's 100th birthday, "I'd never be able to prise her away from Bobby Campbell and Ian Porterfield"?

There is also the vexing conundrum of whether Michaela Henderson-Thynne should be allowed to appear on the reality TV show WAGS Boutique following her break-up with Stuart Downing, "The so-called quiet man of the England squad". For those familiar with the dramatis personae, hilarity is guaranteed.