Eurovision: Graham Norton's funniest lines since Terry Wogan quit

Eurovision just wouldn't be the same without Norton's cuttting commentary

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The Independent Culture

When Sir Terry Wogan abandoned us in 2008 after yet another UK disappointment, many Eurovision fans thought the end was night.

But then Graham Norton emerged out of the hazy glitter and confetti mist to take his place as commentator and a perfect match was made.

Flamboyant, sarcastic and a huge fan of innuendo, any doubts that Norton was the man for the job evaporated faster than a glass of Bucks Fizz.

Let’s remember some of his most cutting lines:

“Don’t patronise me Nikolaj, I’m 51 not dead!” – Graham on the Eurovision host’s suggestion that some viewers may not understand hashtags (2014)

“‘We are Slavic girls, we know how to use our charming beauty, now shake what your mama gave you.’ It’s essentially a feminist anthem.” – Graham gives his damning verdict on Poland’s raunchy Donatan & Cleo (2014)


“Well, that wasn’t embarrassing at all, well done.” – Graham reacts to the Finnish results reader’s surprise rap (2014)

“Oh look it’s the Eiffel Tower! I keep forgetting it’s there. They remind me every year.” – Graham pulls out the sarcasm as France deliver their results (2014)

“Oh thank you, it’s so fun! It’s like the gay wedding I’ll never have! It’s gone in my wine!” – Graham reacts to Eurovision presenters showering him with confetti in his commentary booth (2014)

 “Scotty? I think not.” – Graham reacts to the Eurovision hosts giving Scott Mills a nickname. (2014)

“If you’ve just joined us and thought, ‘Ooh, Denise van Outen’s let herself go’, no, that’s Cascada representing Germany” – Graham on Cascada following her performance (2013)

“Small children and pets should probably move from the room. Here’s Cezar, proving that just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should.” – Graham introduces Romania’s mildly terrifying Cezar (2013)

“The song is called ‘Alcohol is Free’. Ironic to sing that in Sweden, where it’s anything else. You have to sell your car to get a pint.” – Graham introduces Greek act Koza Mostra and Agathonas Iakovidis (2013)

“This will put fear into your heart – she’s a devoted experimental jazz musician. She can do extraordinary things with her voice…not pleasant things but extraordinary.” – Graham presents Albania’s Eurovision entry Rona Nishliu (2012)

“He looks like a nice boy who’s fallen in with the wrong lot, doesn’t he?” Graham reacts to Eric Saade’s performance of “Popular” for Sweden (2011)


“It’s an unusual Eurovision this year. There are lots of songs that are really quite good and brilliantly sung. This is not one of those. It’s Russia.” – Graham isn’t a fan of Buranovskiye Babushki (2012)

“They’re drinking quite a lot. It’s almost like they think they’re not going to perform again.” – Graham on the UK’s 2010 backing dancers. (2010)

“The bad news is, you’re about to watch Albania. She’s only 17, so please bear that in mind. Where was her mother? Why didn’t she step in and say no?” – Graham drastically lowers expectations for Albania’s performance (2009)