Agenda: Sugababes; Cariad Lloyd; Andy Murray; restaurant reservations; twerking; flossing
Sunday 14 July 2013
Middle-class problems: Flossing
By Marianne Levy
The dentist straightens her back and lifts her mask. "You do floss, don't you?"
This is tricky.
The infrastructure is in place, the technique mastered, and I can definitely spare the necessary 17 seconds. Nonetheless, I don't.
"I do, yes."
The dentist narrows her eyes. "That's strange, because your gums are quite inflamed."
I make a noise intended to express unguilty concern. As my mouth is packed with cotton wool, I sound like a dying seagull.
"So," she says, "I recommend that you start… I mean, continue flossing. Twice a day. Now sit up and rinse.'
"Yes," I splutter. "I will very much continue doing that. Thank you."
Of course, I won't. Because, like many of my middle-class contemporaries, I nod and smile as highly trained medical professionals tell me how to help myself, then carry on exactly as I always have. I know the benefit of flossing – having teeth that stay painlessly attached to my jaw – far outweighs the microscopic inconvenience of having to do it.
Yet, as with eating fruit and veg and doing any kind of exercise, somehow my good intentions fail to translate into action. Whole government departments have been set up to nag people like me, hell-bent on destroying our bodies with smug inertia. It's embarrassing, or at least, it would be, if only we'd acknowledge that their advice is in any way personal.
Still, at least I never drink more than 14 units of alcohol a week. And anyone who says otherwise is, um, right.
There’s revolution in the air, but one lady’s not for turningTV
Robin Thicke admits he didn't write 'Blurred Lines'music
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 All Blacks Aaron Cruden misses New Zealand flight after drinking session, has brilliant excuse
- 2 Kim Kardashian 'nude photos' leaked on 4chan weeks after Jennifer Lawrence scandal
- 3 'F*ck it, I quit': TV reporter Charlo Greene quits live on air in spectacular fashion
- 4 Alicia Keys leaks nude photo 'to create a kinder and more peaceful world'
- 5 Clothes store Joy angers mental health campaigners with Twitter exchange on bipolar disorders
Downton Abbey fans outraged at Kindle sponsorship adverts
Friends 20th anniversary: The highs and lows of the cast's careers since TV series ended in 2004
Downton Abbey series 5, episode 1, ITV, review: There’s revolution in the air, but one lady’s not for turning
New Tricks: Dennis Waterman to leave drama after a decade of crime-solving
Free U2 album: How the most generous giveaway in music history turned PR disaster
Scotland could still declare independence – even without referendum, says Alex Salmond
Scottish referendum results: Cross-party consensus collapses amid Tory-Labour spat on the 'English question'
Hilary Mantel 'should be investigated by police' over Margaret Thatcher assassination story, says Lord Bell
Scottish independence: David Cameron is becoming the 'George Bush of Britain'
Plebgate MP Andrew Mitchell called officer a 'little s**t', claim court documents 'exposing ex-Chief Whip's 'record of abusing police'
Archbishop of Canterbury admits doubts about existence of God