'Christmas My Arse'
In which ‘Royle Family’ star Tomlinson ripped off Slade’s “Merry Xmas Everybody”, threw in Jim Royle’s famous catchphrase “My Arse”, and so flogged his slobbish comic persona finally to death.
‘Save Your Love’
It’s hard to know what’s worse about this 1982 hit from Italian duo Renée and Renato: the cod-operatic warbling or a video suggestive of a suburban Pavarotti impersonator seducing his daughter’s best mate.
The world’s most irritating dance jingle, 1993’s “Macarena”, just got more irritating three years later when spliced with a medley of festive songs for one further milking of the novelty single market.
‘There’s No One Quite Like..’
In 1981, St Winifred’s School Choir hit No.1 for 11 weeks with the unnervingly saccharine “There’s No One Quite Like Grandma”, proving there’s nothing quite like Christmas for ruining the musical tastebuds.
‘8 Days of Christmas’
Destiny’s Child teach us that you haven’t really grasped the true meaning of Christmas until your boyfriend has gifted you a Mercedes in this thoroughly shameless paean to seasonal consumerism.