Album: Paris Hilton

While realising that Paris Hilton's "singing" career is hardly the most serious artistic undertaking that we'll encounter this year, and that ultimately it's little more than a trailer for the inevitable clothing line and associated merchandise that will surely follow, it's still hard to imagine how sad a life one must have to actually want to buy into this particular part of the Paris Hilton brand. Is this the kind of thing gay men consider camp? That would at least explain the brittle disco-pop arrangements by people such as Scott Storch, which surround La Hilton's risible voice with no-nonsense pumping beats, like the exoskeleton of a crab protecting the soft, gooey mush inside. The credits for tracks like "Turn It Up" feature three other names involved in, ahem, "Vocal Production", prompting one to marvel at how many countless man-hours it must take to make a voice sound quite this characterless. It all collapses completely on the concluding cover of "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy", where Paris displays less grasp of teasing coquetry than Rod Stewart waggling his bum.

DOWNLOAD THIS: You're joking, surely?