Album: The Osbournes

The Osbournes, Epic

Here they come/ Walking down the street/ They get the funniest looks/ From everyone they meet/ Hey hey! It's the Osbournes, and people say they're the funniest, most heartwarming family to hit the small screen since Homer and Marge invited the animators into their lives. What the Osbournes say is ****ing unprintable for the most part – but therein, oddly enough, lies much of their charm: Ozzy and Sharon and their equally plain-speaking offspring, Kelly and Jack, are like a great big whoopee cushion of Anglo-Saxon bluntness dropped into California's mannered, mirror-gazing tofu culture, a floater in the swimming-pool of Hollywood life.

For those without MTV, The Osbournes is an exercise in oafish frivolity to rival This Is Spinal Tap, all the more hilarious for being a bona fide documentary. Observing the hapless Ozzy grappling vainly with a television remote control the size of a breeze block, or spluttering at Sharon's suggestion of a pet therapist to stop their dogs fouling the carpets is only part of the fun. Just as entertaining is the spectacle of his wife/manager Sharon's ruthless attempts at neighbourly diplomacy. If Ozzy is the Prince of Darkness, Sharon is surely the Bride of Frankenstein, a terrifying prospect to face across a board-room table.

This tie-in album features the best lines from the series – I particularly like Kelly's feisty rejection of a visit to the gynaecologist, "My teeth, my car, my vagina: my business!" – along with a bunch of favourite tracks hand-picked or performed by family members, with Sharon's influence, I suspect, being decisive. It's so much more cute, cuddly and MOR than Ozzy's usual fare, with Pat Boone opening proceedings with a louche swing cover of "Crazy Train" – "Mental wounds drivin' me insane," he croons. "I'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train!" – before Ozzy offers his tribute to John Lennon, "Dreamer", the kind of power ballad that would test even Beavis and Butt-head's devotion.

Things perk up with Kelly's pop-metal pummelling of "Papa Don't Preach", which recalls the Go-Gos, and the Kinks' "You Really Got Me", chosen by Ozzy as a touchstone of primal rock'n'roll spirit; but then, round about System of a Down's "Snowblind", it all plummets into a slough of maudlin, life-affirming anthems – Lennon's "Imagine", the Cars' "Drive", Starsailor's "Good Souls", Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight" – that climaxes in an orgy of shameless sentimentality with Ozzy's "Mama, I'm Coming Home", written for Sharon and chosen by her. Their teenage son Jack, meanwhile, is clearly a chip off the maternal-managerial block, judging by the inclusion of a track by Dillusion, "a band I have been developing over at Epic for a year now". And he's – what? – all of 16. It all adds up to a package that's less an album than a marketing opportunity, one doubtless to be followed in due course by the Osbournes video game, Osbournes sport drink and probably a tasty Osbournes bat burger, too.

Arts and Entertainment
Sue Perkins and Mel Giedroyc, centre, are up for Best Female TV Comic for their presenting quips on The Great British Bake Off

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Martin Freeman as Lester Nygaard in the TV adaptation of 'Fargo'

TV
Arts and Entertainment
A scene from Shakespeare in Love at the Noel Coward Theatre
theatreReview: Shakespeare in Love has moments of sheer stage poetry mixed with effervescent fun
Arts and Entertainment
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson stars in Hercules

film
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

theatre
Arts and Entertainment
Tycoons' text: Warren Buffett and Bill Gates both cite John Brookes' 'Business Adventures' as their favourite book

books
Arts and Entertainment
Panic! In The Disco's Brendon Urie performs on stage

music
Arts and Entertainment

film
Arts and Entertainment
Keira Knightley and Benedict Cumberbatch star in the Alan Turing biopic The Imitation Game

film
Arts and Entertainment

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Radio 4's Today programme host Evan Davis has been announced as the new face of Newsnight

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Pharrell Williams performing on the Main Stage at the Wireless Festival in Finsbury Park, north London

music
Arts and Entertainment
Carrie Mathison returns to the field in the fourth season of Showtime's Homeland

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Crowds soak up the atmosphere at Latitude Festival

music
Arts and Entertainment
Meyne Wyatt and Caren Pistorus arrive for the AACTA Aawrds in Sydney, Australia

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Rick Astley's original music video for 'Never Gonna Give You Up' has been removed from YouTube

music
Arts and Entertainment
Quentin Blake's 'Artists on the beach'

Artists unveils new exhibition inspired by Hastings beach

art
Arts and Entertainment
MusicFans were left disappointed after technical issues
Arts and Entertainment
'Girl with a Pearl Earring' by Johannes Vermeer, c. 1665
artWhat is it about the period that so enthrals novelists?
Arts and Entertainment
Into the woods: The Merry Wives of Windsor at Petersfield
theatreOpen-air productions are the cue for better box-office receipts, new audiences, more interesting artistic challenges – and a picnic
Arts and Entertainment
James singer Tim Booth
latitude 2014
Arts and Entertainment
Lee says: 'I never, ever set out to offend, but it can be an accidental by-product'
comedy
Arts and Entertainment
tvThe judges were wowed by the actress' individual cooking style
Arts and Entertainment
Nicholas says that he still feels lucky to be able to do what he loves, but that there is much about being in a band he hates
musicThere is much about being in a band that he hates, but his debut album is suffused with regret
Independent
Travel Shop
the manor
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on city breaks Find out more
santorini
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on chic beach resorts Find out more
sardina foodie
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on country retreats Find out more
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    Screwing your way to the top? Good for Lana Del Rey for helping kill that myth

    Screwing your way to the top?

    Good for Lana Del Rey for helping kill that myth, says Grace Dent
    Will the young Britons fighting in Syria be allowed to return home and resume their lives?

    Will Britons fighting in Syria be able to resume their lives?

    Tony Blair's Terrorism Act 2006 has made it an offence to take part in military action abroad with a "political, ideological, religious or racial motive"
    Beyoncé poses as Rosie the Riveter, the wartime poster girl who became a feminist pin-up

    Beyoncé poses as Rosie the Riveter

    The wartime poster girl became the ultimate American symbol of female empowerment
    The quest to find the perfect pair of earphones: Are custom, 3D printed earbuds the solution?

    The quest to find the perfect pair of earphones

    Earphones don't fit properly, offer mediocre audio quality and can even be painful. So the quest to design the perfect pair is music to Seth Stevenson's ears
    US Army's shooting star: Lt-Col Steven Cole is the man Hollywood calls when it wants to borrow a tank or check a military uniform

    Meet the US Army's shooting star

    Lt-Col Steven Cole is the man Hollywood calls when it wants to borrow a tank or check a military uniform
    Climate change threatens to make the antarctic fur seal extinct

    Take a good look while you can

    How climate change could wipe out this seal
    Should emergency hospital weddings be made easier for the terminally ill?

    Farewell, my lovely

    Should emergency hospital weddings be made easier?
    Man Booker Prize 2014 longlist: Crowdfunded novel nominated for first time

    Crowdfunded novel nominated for Booker Prize

    Paul Kingsnorth's 'The Wake' is in contention for the prestigious award
    Vladimir Putin employs a full-time food taster to ensure his meals aren't poisoned

    Vladimir Putin employs a full-time food taster

    John Walsh salutes those brave souls who have, throughout history, put their knives on the line
    Tour de France effect brings Hollywood blockbusters to Yorkshire

    Tour de France effect brings Hollywood blockbusters to Yorkshire

    A $25m thriller starring Sam Worthington to be made in God's Own Country
    Will The Minerva Project - the first 'elite' American university to be launched in a century - change the face of higher learning?

    Will The Minerva Project change the face of higher learning?

    The university has no lecture halls, no debating societies, no sports teams and no fraternities. Instead, the 33 students who have made the cut at Minerva, will travel the world and change the face of higher learning
    The 10 best pedicure products

    Feet treat: 10 best pedicure products

    Bags packed and all prepped for holidays, but feet in a state? Get them flip-flop-ready with our pick of the items for a DIY treatment
    Commonwealth Games 2014: Great Scots! Planes and pipers welcome in Glasgow's Games

    Commonwealth Games 2014

    Great Scots! Planes and pipers welcome in Glasgow's Games
    Jack Pitt-Brooke: Manchester City and Patrick Vieira make the right stand on racism

    Jack Pitt-Brooke

    Manchester City and Patrick Vieira make the right stand on racism
    How Terry Newton tragedy made iron men seek help to tackle their psychological demons

    How Newton tragedy made iron men seek help to tackle their psychological demons

    Over a hundred rugby league players have contacted clinic to deal with mental challenges of game